Women Give Me Brain Damage

Yesterday was quite the little gathering at my comments page. It was like a trip through time. Thanks to everyone who contributed.

I was thinking about Ms. Right a lot yesterday after the entry, and I started thinking of some of the funnier stories about our dating life. Needless to say, they weren’t all funny at the time, but in retrospect, I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

For instance, one time Ms. Right and I went down to Westport (for those of you that don’t frequent Kansas City, that’s our “Party District”) and went to our favorite bar, the Hurricane. Now, I was underage, and it’s supposed to be over 21. I never tried to drink or anything, but because of my early hair loss, I also never got carded on my way in. Well, so we go in, and Ms. Right starts drinking… and starts making frequent trips back to the bar to refill. While she was standing at the bar, this creepy drunk guy walked up behind her, and started groping her. I could see it from where I was sitting, and I jumped up. But before I could get there, she whipped around and smashed the guy in the face with her purse. Then she used her knee to incapacitate him, which was quite effective, and the guy dropped like a rock. Then she jumped on top of him and started bashing his face in with her purse, which I’m sure had a couple of bowling balls in it. All of the bouncers came running and pulled her off. By this time, I was standing there offering to help. She said “No, I think I can handle this little pissant.” The bouncers grabbed both of us and tossed us out. They told us not to come back.

So that was my first experience being kicked out of a bar. Actually, I enjoyed it, and it made for a good story.

Ms. Right and I had what you might call a “turbulent” relationship. We fought quite a bit, and sometimes it got pretty intense. I should preface this by saying, I would never hit a woman, and I’m usually not a violent person, but certain things make me fly off the handle. One of those things is having someone hang up on me. I think that hanging up on an argument is the most weasely, pathetic things you could ever do.

So one night I was at work, and Ms. Right called to yell at me about something. I can’t remember what it was. We got into a shouting match, and she made the fatal mistake… she hung up. I went nuts. I tried to call back but she wasn’t picking it up. So I left work and drove to the apartment. She tried to lock me out, so I kicked the door in. She locked herself in the bedroom, so I also kicked that door in. I went inside, and looked at her and said “Don’t ever hang up on me.” Then I left… just walked out. Of course, the bad part was I had to spend several hundred dollars to get the doorframes fixed, but I felt better. And she never hung up on me again, either…

A couple of years ago, another girl hung up on me. I restrained myself better the second time, but I didn’t speak to her for several weeks. It’s just a major pet peeve of mine.

Speaking of stupid human tricks, (OK, I realize I wasn’t speaking of them, but I have this story and I couldn’t figure out how to transition smoothly) I had this friend at the Junior College, and she was the cutest girl I’ve ever seen. She was VERY religious, and as far as I could tell, had never done anything wrong in her life. Until the day I realized that she had an evil hidden talent. One day it snowed several inches, and she came and got me to go outside. She said, “Bet I’m the only girl you know that can do this…” and she proceeded to hike up her skirt and write her name in the snow. I was shocked and fascinated at the same time. And later on, I told Ms. Right about the experience. Ms. Right was not very happy about the story, and started drinking (which she did when she was mad at me). So I made the mistake of falling asleep, and I woke up to this crash, and severe pain. She had worked herself up so much over the incident, and had so much to drink, she had picked up the lamp from the living room and broken it over my head.

I’ve never been the same since. I’ll bet all you girls really want to meet me now, don’t you!?


And my friends thought it was because my mother dropped me on my head as a baby.

Alright, I’m done. Talk to you tomorrow.

  18 comments for “Women Give Me Brain Damage

  1. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Teets It’s easy to talk shit when you’re anonymous, ain’t it? Gotta love those aggressive posts from the brave souls who don’t leave a URL.

  2. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete You are welcome to have opinions of your friends and coworkers. I am not your friend, nor am I your coworker, so if you want to give your opinion of me, then grow a spine and sign it, or leave a URL so I can form an opinion of you based on your writing. I am happy to “take it” as much as I dish it out, so long as I know who I’m dealing with. However, anonymous comments will be dealt with harshly and rudely. Thanks for stopping by.

  3. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: BelikeIncredipete It wasn’t hate mail-it was my opinion of you based entirely on your writings. You have your opinions of your friends and co-workers why can’t I have mine.If you can’t take it don’t dish it out. Sorry for the typos my fingers were so greasy from eating my bucket of KFC and my keyboard from Goodwill sticccccks.

  4. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete I almost forgot… onehotmama18, your wish is my command.

  5. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete I am already working on my book. And belikeIncredipete got it pretty close. The tentative title for the book is “It’s more fun to be like Incredipete.”

  6. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: shillingsworth Maybe belikeIncredipete has something there… you should write a book. Something to think about anyway!

  7. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: onehotmama18 I think he is “Incredipete” because of his incredi-good looks. (Even if his bulging biceps are fake. hahaha) He is a hottie! Hey Incredipete, how about some meaningless sex sometime?

  8. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete PS – You’ve got a couple of typos in your comment. You might want to make one of those books a dictionary.

  9. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Well, belikeIncredipete, I’m afraid it would take a lot more than 10 steps for you to be like me. You’ll probably want to start by reading a couple of books and possibly losing some of your excess 200 pounds. If you don’t like my opinions, start your own website.

  10. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: BelikeIncredipete Mirror, Mirror on the wall whose is the greatest of them all, of course he can’t be beat it’s the incredible over educated head up his ass Incredipete. I can’t wait to read your book–How to be like Incredipete in 10 easy steps. Your are a piece of work.

  11. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Monkeyshag Wow, Ms. Right… you’ve got quite the temper. I’m glad I didn’t try to fondle.

  12. Ms.
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Ms. Right I remember what you said, too, you bastard. 😉 You have a very evil streak, just under the surface.

  13. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: thea Holy shit you people are as nuts as us. I locked my ex-hus-fucker-band out of the house once when he had a physcotic episode and he bashed in the entire back door tearing down all of the trim around the kitchen door. Ahh, memories. How on earth would I survive without them?

  14. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete I distinctly remember the 3-hole punch incident. I even remember what I said that made you mad… “Lynne”, I’m sure I did not deserve to have your phone thrown at me. I am nothing but sweetness and light.

  15. Ms.
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Ms. Right I’m sorry about that Sweetie Bear, but I know you liked it when I hurt you.

  16. Ms.
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Ms. Right So Lynne, did he ever tell you about the time I threw the 3 hole punch at his head and made a big dent? That was pretty good, too, and he DID deserve it. He is a very difficult person to live with, especially first thing in the morning.

  17. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: “Lynne” Ms. Right, I think the first time I heard that story you hit him with a frying pan. (It was really a hamster, not a “lamp” or “cast iron skillet”, wasn’t it?) At any rate, I am sure he deserved it. I almost threw my phone at him once. LOL.

  18. Ms.
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Ms. Right It was hardly what I’d call a lamp. It was more like a flower pot with a light bulb. I hated it.

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