Bonfire In The Boondocks

So there I was… at a bonfire.

It was the first bonfire I’ve been to since the infamous Arkansas “deliverance people” bonfire I attended last year.

Jennyanydots lives “off the paved road.” By which I mean she literally lives on a gravel road which is not serviced by the city. (I’m not even really sure she lives in what could technically be construed as a “city…” It’s more like an unincorporated hamlet.)In order to visit her during the winter, I have to pack snow shoes and c-rations.

Anyhoo, Jenny had some friends and neighbors coming over and invited me to join them. I wasn’t completely sure I’d have the energy, and I knew I didn’t want to drink, considering I’m taking Benadryl for my sinus congestion.

But, when I was driving home, Jenny called to let me know she’d picked up Mountain Dew just for me. Who was I to turn down that kind of selflessness?

So I went. And what a bonfire it was. Here’s an artist’s rendering:

Ok, that’s not an actual image of the bonfire, but I think it accurately represents the size of the fire. The guys had decided to burn old palettes, which were extremely dry and without a doubt were chemically treated with cyanide. It was so hot, you couldn’t stand close enough to cook a hot dog, so we had to use the mini-Weber to cook. Of course, being the Uber-male that I am, I attempted several times to cook a hot dog, which resulted in 3rd degree burns to my hand and arm, but a completely raw hot dog. I’m not really sure how that works. I guess it proves that hotdogs are not organic. But we all knew that.

Then Jenny’s hubby pulled out the homemade wine.

As you all know, I’m a wine-aholic, and I couldn’t resist. Even though the bottle was being passed around a group of primarily total strangers. Hopefully these oozing sores in my throat will go away soon.


It was some good wine. It was more like grape-flavored 151… quite strong.

Eventually I was feeling the pressure to go home, because I had a feeling my dogs were keeping my neighbors awake since I’d left them outside.

Two of my neighbors told me on Saturday that Amber had been barking her fool head off all night. So my suspicions were confirmed.

Saturday was yardwork day, interspersed with flirtations from the super-cute underaged neighbor girl whose name I can’t remember. I also rewired my air conditioner (which the dogs had torn up).

Sunday I spent in bed with my sinus infection raging away. It still hurts today. Thanks for caring.

Peace, I’m out.

  11 comments for “Bonfire In The Boondocks

  1. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    Well since we are exercising the ability to get gross and personal, I’d just like to mention that Sudafed and suchlike gives me nosebleeds.

  2. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    So is it safe to say you have a hot wiener? Hope you feel better soon; at least you can move your arms…

  3. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    Sinus infection? you mean you actually take drugs for that?

    You’re supposed to just ride it out until it is gone. Shouldn’t take more then a few weeks give or take a couple of weeks. That way your immune system gets beeter and you don’t rely on whatever which doctor is prescribing all of that junk to you.

    Either that or I need better insurance.

  4. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    RE: “…couldn’t cook a hotdog”

    Incredipete, you just needed a longer stick.
    But then again, I’m sure you’ve heard that before.

  5. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    Incredipete you already know this…stick your wiener out there and you’re gonna be burned!

  6. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    Incredipete and a raw weiner.

    this is a great day.

  7. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    My most humiliating experience was at the hands of homemade wine. Bad news.

    Sorry you’re not feeling good. And I mean that. Really. 😉

  8. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    Mucinex does NOT work, if you would like to try it I have 1/2 20 dollar bottle left over I’ll give you to to see if it really works on anyone!

  9. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    Listen, Incredipete. As your pharmacist, quit the goddamned Benadryl, okay? It only makes your snot thicker and dryer, thus clogging up your sinuses, thus leading to much purulence and pain. What you need is some saline rinse, some Mucinex, copious water (for oral ingestion, for hydration), and some Sudafed (which you can also use to make crank, just in case.) Take generic Claritin instead of Benadryl, even though Claritin is a crappy antihistamine. It will not dry up your mucus, however. You CAN take Sudafed, right? The key is to drain the sinuses, then keep them from clogging. See if your doctor will prescribe Flonase to relieve your allergy symptoms and to reduce inflammation in the sinuses. After your sinuses heal all the way, you may resume Benadryl, but you must discontinue it at the first sign of an infection. Incredipete. If you have pain on one side of your face, fever/chills, green snot that lasts all day from one nostril, and/or teeth pain, you might need some amoxicillin (from a real doctor).
    Love ya– (call me.)

  10. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    Here. Fence. Pee.

  11. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    A very generous offer. Why don’t you swing by UMKC tomorrow night and bring it for me. Or, I could go get something that really DOES work.

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