I write this with some trepidation, because a lot of women I know read this site. I apologize if any of you are offended by this. I wouldn’t dare actually try to put you into a category. But if you see one that sounds like you, don’t blame me. If the shoe fits… you know.
Last night I went to happy hour with my friend Leigh, and we had some very good pizza at “the Other Place.” Leigh is by far the most low maintenance woman I’ve ever met. I know what you’re thinking, “What is he saying? I am low maintenance, and Incredipete knows me…” And to that I will say “You may think so, but you’re wrong.” Leigh is the kind of girl that doesn’t get mad if you forget to call, and doesn’t get mad if you split the check. She has her own life and doesn’t need to have someone around her at all times to be happy. It’s the combination of those and other qualities that make her low maintenance. And the interesting thing is, because she is so undemanding, it makes me want to hang out with her more… coincidence? I think not.
So hanging out with someone like her inspired today’s topic: “The Many Types of Women.” I sincerely hope that no one is offended by this, as it is merely my own observation and is therefore fundamentally flawed. Let’s start with the belligerent comment. “Why the heck can’t all women be more like Leigh?”
Here are some of the types of women I’ve identified through the course of my life:
Angry: This woman is mad all the time. Most of the time she has a lame reason, but if she can’t come up with a lame reason, she’ll be mad that she can’t come up with one. It wouldn’t matter, except that the Angry Woman always wants to take it out on a “Man.”
Needy: This is the woman that can’t go ten minutes without wanting to talk to you. As soon as you get off the phone, her internal clock starts up, and if you don’t call her back before the ten minutes are up, she will think you don’t love her anymore. If you come home and are really tired, therefore making you want to only watch TV and then go to bed, she will assume that your relationship is on the rocks. If you go out of town for a few days, she waits up all night till you call, and god forbid you forget to call, or she will be awake all night crying.
Depressed: The whole world is coming apart at the seams at all times. She wants to be happy, but just can’t find a reason. You could take her out every single night for the next fifty years, give her everything she wants, and still, she’ll be depressed. Avoid this one like the plague.
Career: This woman would sooner kill a man with her briefcase than go to lunch with him. She plans to climb the corporate ladder without sleeping her way up, which means in her mind that she must be fifty times more manly than any of the men in the company. Somehow she thinks that men want to promote a woman that acts like a man. I don’t think so.
Feminist: Close to the Career woman, except doesn’t actually have a job. This woman hates men for having all of the good jobs, but she didn’t bother to go to school or pay her dues, so no one wants her in their company, further increasing her belief that “the man” is keeping her down. The Feminist is the woman that will yell at you if you hold the door for her and say “Hey, buddy, don’t you think I can get that door myself?” What man hasn’t had some idiot woman say that to him? The Feminist will also ironically try to look like a man… she will get a bowl cut, wear a suit cut for a man, which won’t fit her right because most men don’t have hips or boobs. Yes, Feminists are probably the ickiest kind of woman.
Cheerleader: This woman believes in being happy. Very happy. Even when she is crying, she’s happy. She will wear her hair in a ponytail and wear capri’s until the day she dies, even if she’s 99. Cheerleaders give stupidity a bad name. Usually the Cheerleaders are the ones that have no common sense at all… “Oh, I didn’t know I actually had to put oil in the car. I thought if it really needed something, a BIGGER light would come on.” Yeah, if you marry a Cheerleader, budget a lot of money for car repairs.
Sweet: Girls that are sweet are generally that way because they are ugly. I’m not trying to generalize ALL women, of course. But in most cases, sweet girls are not very attractive. And that’s ok. Unattractive people, both male and female, are forced to develop good personalities, and also are usually among the more educated in the population. That’s because they never had someone fawning over them because they were so good looking.
Well Adjusted: Finally we come full circle and arrive at the category that Leigh falls into. She knows how to have a good time, doesn’t need someone around all the time, but is full of warmth and gratitude when someone goes out of their way for her. It’s not every day that someone attractive manages to be also well adjusted. So congrats to Leigh’s boyfriend, because he got quite a lady.
Obviously there are many other categories of women, and there are shades of each of the categories. It’s also possible to be a combination. I would write an article about the types of men, but it would be really short: 1. Men that burp and watch TV and talk dirty about women. 2. Gay men.
Thanks for stopping by.