What Kind of Woman Are You?

I write this with some trepidation, because a lot of women I know read this site. I apologize if any of you are offended by this. I wouldn’t dare actually try to put you into a category. But if you see one that sounds like you, don’t blame me. If the shoe fits… you know.

Last night I went to happy hour with my friend Leigh, and we had some very good pizza at “the Other Place.” Leigh is by far the most low maintenance woman I’ve ever met. I know what you’re thinking, “What is he saying? I am low maintenance, and Incredipete knows me…” And to that I will say “You may think so, but you’re wrong.” Leigh is the kind of girl that doesn’t get mad if you forget to call, and doesn’t get mad if you split the check. She has her own life and doesn’t need to have someone around her at all times to be happy. It’s the combination of those and other qualities that make her low maintenance. And the interesting thing is, because she is so undemanding, it makes me want to hang out with her more… coincidence? I think not.

So hanging out with someone like her inspired today’s topic: “The Many Types of Women.” I sincerely hope that no one is offended by this, as it is merely my own observation and is therefore fundamentally flawed. Let’s start with the belligerent comment. “Why the heck can’t all women be more like Leigh?”

Here are some of the types of women I’ve identified through the course of my life:

Angry: This woman is mad all the time. Most of the time she has a lame reason, but if she can’t come up with a lame reason, she’ll be mad that she can’t come up with one. It wouldn’t matter, except that the Angry Woman always wants to take it out on a “Man.”

Needy: This is the woman that can’t go ten minutes without wanting to talk to you. As soon as you get off the phone, her internal clock starts up, and if you don’t call her back before the ten minutes are up, she will think you don’t love her anymore. If you come home and are really tired, therefore making you want to only watch TV and then go to bed, she will assume that your relationship is on the rocks. If you go out of town for a few days, she waits up all night till you call, and god forbid you forget to call, or she will be awake all night crying.

Depressed: The whole world is coming apart at the seams at all times. She wants to be happy, but just can’t find a reason. You could take her out every single night for the next fifty years, give her everything she wants, and still, she’ll be depressed. Avoid this one like the plague.

Career: This woman would sooner kill a man with her briefcase than go to lunch with him. She plans to climb the corporate ladder without sleeping her way up, which means in her mind that she must be fifty times more manly than any of the men in the company. Somehow she thinks that men want to promote a woman that acts like a man. I don’t think so.

Feminist: Close to the Career woman, except doesn’t actually have a job. This woman hates men for having all of the good jobs, but she didn’t bother to go to school or pay her dues, so no one wants her in their company, further increasing her belief that “the man” is keeping her down. The Feminist is the woman that will yell at you if you hold the door for her and say “Hey, buddy, don’t you think I can get that door myself?” What man hasn’t had some idiot woman say that to him? The Feminist will also ironically try to look like a man… she will get a bowl cut, wear a suit cut for a man, which won’t fit her right because most men don’t have hips or boobs. Yes, Feminists are probably the ickiest kind of woman.

Cheerleader: This woman believes in being happy. Very happy. Even when she is crying, she’s happy. She will wear her hair in a ponytail and wear capri’s until the day she dies, even if she’s 99. Cheerleaders give stupidity a bad name. Usually the Cheerleaders are the ones that have no common sense at all… “Oh, I didn’t know I actually had to put oil in the car. I thought if it really needed something, a BIGGER light would come on.” Yeah, if you marry a Cheerleader, budget a lot of money for car repairs.

Sweet: Girls that are sweet are generally that way because they are ugly. I’m not trying to generalize ALL women, of course. But in most cases, sweet girls are not very attractive. And that’s ok. Unattractive people, both male and female, are forced to develop good personalities, and also are usually among the more educated in the population. That’s because they never had someone fawning over them because they were so good looking.

Well Adjusted: Finally we come full circle and arrive at the category that Leigh falls into. She knows how to have a good time, doesn’t need someone around all the time, but is full of warmth and gratitude when someone goes out of their way for her. It’s not every day that someone attractive manages to be also well adjusted. So congrats to Leigh’s boyfriend, because he got quite a lady.

Obviously there are many other categories of women, and there are shades of each of the categories. It’s also possible to be a combination. I would write an article about the types of men, but it would be really short: 1. Men that burp and watch TV and talk dirty about women. 2. Gay men.

Thanks for stopping by.

  40 comments for “What Kind of Woman Are You?

  1. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete If you want, I’ll email that picture to you. I’m not posting it.

  2. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Jackie Were does that picture fall in the rotation.

  3. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete That’s nothing… She made me wear a leather corsette and an off center blonde wig. It was worth it though to have a site with such amazing abilities.

  4. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT She offered it to me, but I didn’t want to dress up like Gilligan to get it.

  5. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Your jealousy is so transparent. I’m sure if you’d like to buy the Java that “IncrediLynne” wrote for me, she’d be more than willing to sell it to you.

  6. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy By the way thea, (does that rhyme?) when shall we expext you to be a visitin the rest of us. There won’t be five hundred million pictures of us on our sites but it is good reading hussie.

  7. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete I MISSED YOU THEA!!! I’m glad to see you are still among the happy readers of Incredipete World. I myself refreshed until I had scrolled through all of the pics… but it was just to make sure the script was working. I swear!

  8. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy So what, exactly is wrong with printing the pictures? I am guilty as charged. My favorite (honestly) is the one from NYC.

  9. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Jackie I must admit–I refreshed as well.–P.s. Welcome back thea.

  10. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: thea I have to say, … I love you all. HRT: Let me know when that recliner is up for sale. IncredipeteBaby, you skipped ‘blinding sociopath’, and ‘raving desperation girl’, … then again, mabey they fit into ‘bitch’. Har, har. 🙂

  11. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT You know you’re a geek when:

  12. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Brawling alcoholic works for me…….

  13. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Jackie I know a good stereotype about the Scots, but that is a whole other story…

  14. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Not to mention, my Irish ancestors have been opressed by the Brits for hundreds of years, and there aren’t any good stereotypes about Irishmen, unless you consider “brawling alcoholic” to be a good stereotype.

  15. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete No pun intended…

  16. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT For 400 years my people lived under oppression. Now we get one little stereotype that works in our favor. You damn right I’m a milk that cow til she’s nuthing but a suede recliner.

  17. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete HRT! What are you implying? I am white, and well……………………

  18. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Wow! That can be put under the heading, Incredipenis!

  19. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT

  20. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT Oh and Jackie, thanks for the shout-out the other entry ago. I’m glad that I reminded you of something beautiful…

  21. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Jackie: It is official. You’ve got me hooked and I shall begin my quest for a band member to love.

  22. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Jackie Hope it was interesting enough to keep reading. For everyone else: go read my site. (I am not above begging).

  23. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Wow, Jackie… that entry was heavy!

  24. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Muchas Gracias for taking my survey it was incredi-informative.

  25. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy It could be worse Incredipete, you could be in prison with a real nice woman named Bubba! 🙂

  26. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete I have no life, and I’m NOT going to end up a millionaire, so you’re doing better than me, Wendy…

  27. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: chadly Once again, Incredipete hits the nail on the head. Perhaps I’m just another naive guy, but I thought your women definitions were pretty darn accurate.

  28. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Okay Incredipete, I did the name thing here it is. (I hope it shows up right)

  29. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Roger Don’t stress about getting burned Incredipete, it’s part of the great courtship dance, where we all make poor or ill-advised choices and suffer for them to make us better people (or so I’m told). Tracey picked me, and we’ve been together for over twelve years, but every choice I made blew out inside the first. Your love awaits you somewhere, you just have to turn that corner. Alternatively, avoid all new places and never changes your route and make her come to you.

  30. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Yo I.P., Just for you, I did a survey. Go to it now. Now I say. It is called who are you (by me of course). I was pissed that so many other people used that title. But oh, well.

  31. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Think about it this way Wendy, maybe you are actually really hot, and you’re wrong about being sweet. 😉

  32. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Damn am I bummed! I always thought that when I had a boyfriend it was because I am sweet. Now I find out this actually means I am just ugly. Thanks for clearing that up.

  33. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Brian Dude, whatever you do, don’t puss out now. Stick to your guns if that’s the way you feel. (I happen to disagree, but it’s not my diary).

  34. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete I actually think the ratio is much worse than 1 in 8, I just ran out of steam and didn’t write any of the other categories I thought of. Don’t take it personally… I just haven’t had the best luck with the ladies, if you know what I mean.

  35. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Jackie Jesus, your a little hard on a sister aren’t you? Angry,needy,depressed,career,feminist,sweet(but ugly)and well adjusted. Oh shit I forgot cheerleader. Sounds like 1 in 8 of us are screwed. I didn’t get mad at that entry, just kind of sad that you see women that way. I like to listen to good music,cook,and kiss my husband on the neck. Sometimes I am bithcy but believe it or not I hate myself for it. I think most women don’t revel in their shortcomings.

  36. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wilberteets S. Redhead, Esq. Leigh is pretty and you can see the sweetness of her personality in her expression. Too bad she has a boyfriend, eh Incredipete? I am in a different category from the ones you listed. Let’s call it “The Enigma”. I am feminine and old fashioned, yet progressive and into technology. I have that southern belle thing going on, yet I am open minded and can blend in sophisticated circles. I’m domestically capable, yet eyeball deep in my career. There’s nothing manly about me, except for my independence. I’m a good catch, but I’m not trying to catch anyone. (Cause I’m shell shocked.) In order for me to ever marry again, someone is probably going to have to catch me and convince me. I’m not needy, and in fact, my ability to tolerate others is somewhat in question at times… I’ll probably die miserable and alone. hahaha

  37. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Roger 3. Men who burp and watch TV and talk with dirty women. I’m lucky enough to have married a well-adjusted woman. Yes once in a blue moon she can get a little needy but hey, everything else balances that out nicely. And sh’e a bit of a sauce-pot!

  38. I'm
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: I’m Shameless I’m one that likes to do it doggy-style and makes her man sleep in the wet spot!

  39. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Thea the freak ha…i’m a woman and indeed, you pretty much gathered us right!

  40. Ms.
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Ms. Right I fall into the “Bitch” category. Right honey? I enjoyed this one!

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