VD

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have a restraining order
Taken out on you

I’m boycotting Valentine’s Day (VD) for many reasons. The first, and most obvious, is that for the 24th year of my 26 year life, I’m single on VD.

Roses are red
Violets are weeds
I’m looking for a girl
Specifically one that reads

Reason number two is that VD is actually a remembrance of a massacre, which Hallmark (a Kansas City based crapwad company) has decided is yet another perfect opportunity to gouge Americans by using their vast marketing department to infuse men with guilt should they fail to get a moronic card for their significant (or insignificant) other.

Roses are red
My shirt is pink
Pigs are like Hallmark
Because both of them stink

The third reason for my bitterness about VD… It’s perfectly designed to suck for everyone. Single people are the obvious victims of the disgusting holiday, but men that have a girlfriend have it even worse. They have to spend tons of their hard earned money, not because they want to, but because it’s a social norm. If they don’t impress their woman by spending a bunch of money and coming up with something “creative” and “romantic,” she will be mad at him until next VD when he will redeem himself by taking her to Paris for the day.

Roses are red
Singleness sucks
But at least I get to
Save a few bucks

That’s all I have to say about VD.

  15 comments for “VD

  1. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Teets Allow me to add my favorite reason why V Day sucks. You can’t get into a restaurant!!! The wait is approximately FOREVER. I once tried to get a seat at an Outback Steakhouse on V Day and the wait was 4 hours. We left.

  2. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: thea I’m past chocolate & roses, I think I’m going to call a friend over for a nice flogging. Happy VD to all.

  3. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Jenna, consider the restraining order lifted…

  4. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Roses are red

  5. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: syn_ack89 i know, i know – another misformatted entry…roses are #FF0000 – violets are #0000FF – all my base – are belong to you

  6. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: odaresilv Great poems Incredipete! If I’d known you’d be alone with just your girls I would have called and planned a playdate. With the dogs of course. 🙂 Oh, hope you have fun anyways and tell the girls Happy Birthday! Did you get them some new toys? And yes VD sucks! Both people in the relationship should show each other they care about the other all year long not just one day. And you don’t have to spend money to do that. JMO

  7. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT …oh and you better believe Mrs. HRT will be receiving flowers delivered TO HER WORK on Wednesday, cause I roll like that.

  8. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT Word and fo shizzle.

  9. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Anisettekiss Roses are red. The ocean is teal. I wish you tasted like whipped cream. Instead of orange peel. xoxoxo PLEASE lift the restraining order. 🙁 I lost my bet with Andy. The patriots rock my world.

  10. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Steph I’m so excited! I bookmarked one of your entries, instead of your homepage, and I just figured out that there are a couple of weeks worth of reading on your blog! This is just great. Happy Valentine’s Day to me. Sure. Now, to the subject at hand. As a wife, I’m telling you, all you need is a card with some sentiment written in (splash some water on it to smudge the ink, and say that pouring your heart onto the card made you cry…) then, go to the supermarket and get a package of $5 roses OR go to the Target and pick up a pair of $20 silver earrings. If you really like the girl. If this isn’t enough for the little precious, DROP the chick like it’s hot, because she’s going to be trouble for the rest of your fucked up life. For now, go get a bag of bite-sized Snickers in shiny red wrappers and take them to the pub and hand them out to your single buddies. There, there.

  11. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete To be honest, my plans for VD are to celebrate my pups first birthday. Yes, they turn one today.

  12. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: warcrygirl Well, I must be doing it wrong then. I’d much rather have my Hubby pick up a toy every now and then and tell me I’m loved once a week than to have to wait all stinkin’ year for him to do it in just one day. I have allergies to flowers and if I eat another piece of chocolate my ass will need its own zip code. What are my plans for VD? Having Hubby stop by whatever fine retail establishment he chooses on TUESDAY and get me a clearance box of chocolates (my ass be damned!) and maybe some cheap carnations (my fave flower that doesn’t make me sneeze).

  13. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: mental True, we spend less money, but in exchange we have to put out. Even if we aren’t in the mood. Which is why the guy trys to be extra romantic. To put us in the mood. It’s a circle.

  14. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wombatcity Actualy, Valentine’s day is much older than the massacre. The day was set aside by some Pope way back in the 400′ A.D. time, and there are traditions that go back to the middle ages.

  15. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: mental I have left a special VD wish for you in my own diary. That’s all you get. HAPPY VD!!!!!!!!!!!!! Spread it!! Love, not VD.

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