I got a lot of feedback on my last post. Perhaps I came off as down in the dumps. I can see how people could read it that way. Certainly a thrust of what I was saying was it sucks to realize there are a lot of people who will pretend to care for selfish reasons. But that didn’t really put emphasis on what the bigger point was.
You see, I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I’m more confident in myself now. I don’t sit around fretting that Nicole is going to get tired of me and dump me. I am more confident at work, in social settings, and just in general. I think there are several reasons. One, I’m no longer living with someone that thinks I’m an idiot or that I’m always wrong. That really wears down your confidence over time. Two, I know with certainty that I am on the path God has planned for my life. It’s so much easier than trying to force your own way. And I have what my friend Christen once called a “soft place to fall” at the end of each day – a wife who gives me a peaceful, loving, nurturing place to go and recover from the battles of the day.
That’s all new. And it’s all good.
So here’s the summary. I am not depressed or despondent. I feel confident, strong, and more independent than ever. I am disappointed that my faith in people has been misplaced, but by no means does that mean the core of my personality is going to change. I like to help people, and I know I should share the blessings I’ve been given.
On the other hand, I have a family now that I must and will put a hedge around. My wife and daughter mean more to me even than myself, and I won’t do anything that could harm them or hurt them, whether emotionally, financially, or through giving time to others that should be theirs. I have bad instincts with people, and I trust my wife to help me see through people who are no good, are selfish, narcissistic, two-faced, or abusive.
My priorities made a giant shift the day I proposed to Nicole, and the wedding sealed it in my mind. I will be the best husband and daddy that I can be. No excuses. I will screw up, but I won’t ever stop giving 100%.
If you’re a friend that’s always had my back (you know who you are), then I hope you knew I wasn’t talking about you yesterday.