I was inspired by Pork Tornado’s latest post. It got me thinking about how I’ve begun to drift away from being a cynical, sarcastic bastard towards being a political commentator. The transition hasn’t been completely by accident, because politics are certainly an interest of mine. However, that isn’t why IncrediIncredipete exists, and it isn’t how I got started. I got started by being truculent and obnoxious, a trait I seem to have at least partially lost along the way. Perhaps it was finding love that un-cynicalized my writing…
That’s why, for the first time in roughly 18 months, I am going to write a bitter, cynical post. Admit it, you’re happy to see it.
Here are the top 10 things that I currently hate:
1. People that think I want to hear the crap that comes out of their mouths. They assume that I will be interested in the most mundane detail of their life, like what they had for dinner last night, or what “crazy” thing their kid said, or what an astonishingly interesting job they have. Don’t. Care. It’s no wonder America is falling behind in every measure of productivity known to man. People don’t know how to shut up and get to work. If you’re looking for a girlfriend to whine to, perhaps you should… I don’t know… find a girlfriend to whine to and leave me the hell out of it.
2. People who can’t handle the most “slightly” hectic schedule. Your kids keep you running from event to event? Perhaps you should have considered that as a possibility before you procreated. But since you OBVIOUSLY must have considered that, being the *ahem* “smart” people that you are, then you have lost your right to be heard on the “my life is so hectic” schedule. No freaking kidding. Kids are time consuming. Is your life feeling crammed because you’re taking classes? Boo-frickety-hoo. What’s the point of taking classes if you’re going to whine about it non-stop the entire time. Do us all a favor and drop your classes. And while you’re at it, grow up. Your life’s busy because you can’t say no to any invitation? If you can’t see that it’s your own stupid fault, then it’s probably not even worth the extra typing it’s going to require for me to say LEARN TO SAY NO OR SHUT UP! In fact, either way… shut up.
3. People who pawn projects off on me because they “don’t know how to do it,” when I ALSO don’t know how to do it. Yes, it’s true that I’m a MUCH quicker learner than you could ever hope to be. Yes, it’s true that I’ll do a FAR better job on it than you could do if you had the next 250 years. No, I’m not going to do it for you just so you won’t have to bother using your under-exercised brain. No, I’m not going to “learn and then teach you” how to do it. What advantage could that possibly serve? Then I get to have some random worthless knowledge about how to do something I’ve never needed to do before and never will be asked to do? If YOU are the person that wants something accomplished, then YOU need to do what it takes and read whatever you need to… or you need to pay someone to do it for you.
4. People who assume that just because THEY have a priority, they think it should be MY priority as well. Hello. I have a full time job. I have a business I’m working on starting on the side. I go to school at night. I’m not complaining, I’m just telling you my schedule is full. Not “hectic.” Just full. I have a priority list that currently has about 60 projects on it. Yours isn’t the top of the list. Mine is. If you ask me to add a project to my list, it will be added to the bottom unless you happen to be my boss. If you pester me about “when are you going to have my project done,” I will move your project back to the bottom of the list, even if it had made it up number two. I don’t deal well with pestering. I’ll get to it in due time… if it’s worthwhile. If your project is retarded, I will put in on a second list that I keep.
5. People that are only your “friend” when they want something. Ahhh… the age old problem of being a magnanimous guy. Every blood-sucking loser on earth will be all over you like the LAPD on a black dude. If I had a nickle for every person who only contacted me when it served some selfish purpose, I could retire. And that’s if we only count each PERSON once. You blood-sucking parasites may think you’ve got a pretty sweet deal… and perhaps you do, but suffice to say… I’m onto you.
6. People who insist that allowing certified civilians to carry guns increases crime in spite of the overwhelming statistical evidence to the contrary. With Kansas concealed carry in effect for less than a month, every gun-grabbing lefty in the country is honed in on Kansas spewing ridiculous propaganda and fear tactics. Violent crime has dropped in every single state that’s legalized concealed carry. That assertion is based on FBI crime statistics. So the lefties want to take away the good guy’s guns so that only the bad guys will have them. Very smart. Leave it to a liberal to make sure only the bad guys are armed. Gun control doesn’t reduce gun violence, it merely insures that not a single law-abiding person will have one.
7. The Federal tax code. You know, all the political talk about how we need to have a knowledge economy, and encourage people to pursue their education, blah blah blah blah blah. I guess that explains why starting in the 2006 tax year, they’ve removed the tuition and fees deduction. Hmmm. So basically what you’re saying is, we think every American should have the right to spend 80 to 100 thousand dollars on their education, and by damn, we’re going to encourage you to do it by… NOT giving you a deduction. Only the Federal government could come up with such a blatantly retarded stance.
8. The Democrats. Ok, the gloves are off… Webb last night on the “El Speecho Democrato Retardo Responso” talked about how George Bush was great at claiming he was going to pass good legislation, but now that the Demotards were “in power” the Americans can actually count on it. I think what the Demotards seem to have overlooked is that they have a 51% majority in the Senate. Ummm. You know how the Republicans could never get anything done because 49% of the country hated their guts? Ummm. Don’t you think YOU might ALSO have trouble since there is 49% of the country that hates YOUR guts? Am I missing something here? We still have a Republican president. So the way I see it, the Dems can send their Marxist legislation to the President, which he will then veto, and the President can send his half-baked, moronic proposals to congress, which the Dems will promptly kill in the Senate. I don’t really think any “action” is in the immediate future of the government in Washington. And by gosh, that’s the way I like it. Gridlock.
9. People who spend 30+ dollars to wash their car when there is snow piled 6 feet tall by the sides of every road. Do they not comprehend that there is a big fireball in the sky that’s going to come and make that snow turn into slushy, grimy, salty, muddy water that’s going to splatter all over their freshly washed car? Did they not hear the forecast that includes MORE snow in just a few days? Are they really THAT hung up on having a shiny car that they will blow 30 bucks on something that’s going to last less than an hour? People are just plain dumb and stupid.
10. People who only care about themselves. Selfish people just suck. And the world is loaded with them. They come in all ages, sizes, shapes, colors, and sexual orientations. What went amuck in these people’s childhoods that they honestly believe they are ENTITLED to being TREATED better than they TREAT other people? What makes them so special that they should have anyone do anything for them whatsoever? I thought the Golden Rule said you should do unto others what you would want them to do to you. Well, selfish people must want to be around a bunch of demanding, self-centered jerks who only want what they want and couldn’t care less about what anyone else wants. Oh yeah… that’s NOT what they want. They want to be the superstar… the center of attention… the main attraction. Well, I got news for you selfish people… The quickest way for you to make me NOT want to treat you like you’re the main attraction is to act selfishly. If you act like you don’t deserve anything special, and you treat others like THEY are more important than yourself… THAT, my friend, is the person I want to put on a pedestal.