Toilet Paper Trumps Kleenex

And now for all you naysayers out there, I will list the top 10 reasons why toilet paper is a better option than Kleenex.

10. Kleenex is square, and once you blow your nose in one corner, it’s pretty much shot
9. Even if you’re willing to blow your nose on a part of the Kleenex that’s wet, the overall size of a Kleenex is only big enough for a baby
8. Kleenex infuses their tissues with all sorts of petroleum products and anti-viral juice that makes me break out
7. Toilet paper is a nearly endless supply of dry space, and it never requires you to hold your snot to one side of your nose
6. Toilet paper is tough, and it doesn’t leave lint like Kleenex
5. Toilet paper doesn’t have additives that make me break out
4. Toilet paper is cheaper than Kleenex, especially when you consider that a Kleenex only gives you one good blow
3. Toilet paper is readily available in EVERY restroom on the planet
2. Toilet paper can also be used for other purposes that you’d be crazy to use Kleenex for
1. Toilet paper is perforated so that you can take just the right amount

You people who use Kleenex must not have allergies, because a Kleenex gives me one good blow and it’s disintegrated and my hands are wet. Not exactly the idea…

I want something that I can just blow once, move it up, blow again… and just keep going till I’m done. I don’t want to go through 20 Kleenex every time I need to blow my nose.

Tissues are worthless. You can’t even clean up messes with them, because they have additives that smear everywhere.

  1 comment for “Toilet Paper Trumps Kleenex

  1. Keith
    September 8, 2009 at 8:29 am

    Amen, Incredipete.

    Although, I do have to make a slight contention with #3: Clearly, you have never been to France. I’d say it is available in every Civilized restroom. But that is just being picky.

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