Time to Pick a Side

I should probably mention the presidential debates that will be on tonight. I personally can’t wait to see the “Dumb V Deceased” debates. I have a sneaking suspicion that even though W is about as sharp as a sack of wet mice, he will still overcome against the corpse that is John “Ivan” Kerry. (thanks “Lynne”)

Let’s break down the candidates:

George “W” Bush – Oil tycoon and wealthy heir to the George H. W. P. D. Q. Bush fortune. Went in to politics in order to confuse historians by having the same name as his father. Although having a fairly high IQ and graduating from an Ivy League school, “W” lacks some of the “polish” that most politicians possess. Probable cause; too much time living in Texas. Texas doesn’t make you dumber, it just makes you “sound” dumber. Biggest accomplishment; surviving the worst terrorist attack on US soil, leading the country in the worldwide assault on terrorism, and holding depression at bay through massive federal spending. Worst SNAFU; leading the country into war with Iraq under false pretenses, and waiting so dang long to do it. If he had attacked Iraq on 9/12/01, the country would have supported him totally. Outlook: Good. Will more than likely be elected for another 4 years, not because of his stellar record, but because once again, the Democrats have chosen to nominate a deceased senator from Massechussets. Per usual.

John “Ivan” Kerry – Insanely wealthy Senator from MA, married into wealth that was acquired by, well, marriage. Theresa “Heinz” Kerry was heiress to the “Ketchup Fortune” after marrying the 97 year old Butch Heinz. He died shortly after, and in a show of consistency, Theresa then married another deceased man, John “Ivan” Kerry. Kerry went to TAD Technical Institute, and got his Associates in Communist Propoganda. He is running on a platform of higher taxes for the middle class, and of course, no tax on insanely wealthy people from MA. He plans to “Socialize*” healthcare. (*from the words “Socialist” and “Bastard”) This means that everyone in the country will be entitled to crappy healthcare by physicians that are, well… underpaid. This plan is great for everyone except for the doctors, who will be disgruntled and either quit, or become shoddy, neither of which is encouraging. Kerry plans to make America stronger by “Eliminating the vast, wasteful military of the US” and replacing it with “diplomacy.” 7 out of 8 terrorists agree, a vote for Kerry is a vote for diplomacy.

Debate Preview:

The debate will open with John “Ivan” telling us that “W” is a liar, and quite dumb. “W” will offer his rebuttal, which is “Kerry is a flip-flopping, anti-American weasel.” Kerry will respond by saying that “W” is “a liar, and dumb.” “W” will respond by saying that Kerry is “actually not currently alive.” Kerry will respond by saying “Bush is a liar, and he is dumb.” “W” will respond by saying “Kerry rides the fence on issues, including protesting the war when he got back, and pretending to throw back his medals, but actually using his buddy’s medals that he won in a poker game, and then voting to fund the war in Iraq, and then saying that the war in Iraq is bad.” Kerry will respond by saying “Bush is a liar, and he is dumb.” Bush will respond by saying “Kerry’s running mate is a filthy swine weasel ambulance-chaser that screwed the malpractice insurance industry out of hundreds of millions of dollars, 27 million of which Edwards actually kept for himself, and now runs on the platform of affordable healthcare for all Americans, even though he is personally responsible for a big chunk of the expense of medical care.” Kerry will respond by saying “Bush is a liar, and he is dumb.”

Then Dan Rather will interject and say “I think what Kerry is trying to say, is that Bush is a liar, and he’s dumb. As we know, Bush lied about his military service, as shown in this document that has just been handed to me… yes, it reads “George W Bush provided classified information to the enemy on a regular basis, and he liked to beat helpless women and children, and he couldn’t fly worth a crap, and he had LSD in his blood. Oh yeah, he also is a closet homosexual. Signed Dwight D. Eisenhower.” As you can see, these official document that have just been uncovered totally support CBS’s opinion that Bush is a liar, and dumb… and he’s guilty of high treason.

Then CBS brass will intervene, and release a statement which says “We apologize for the earlier comments by Dan Rather. Mr. Rather was temporarily possessed by Satan, and we cannot be held responsible for his claims.”

Then the American people will intervene, and turn off their TV’s and go out and vote for Bush, because if the worst thing you can say about him is that he is a liar, then you haven’t payed much attention to politics. All politicians lie. That is not a good basis for judgement. Vote on the platform, not the politics.

Republican Platform is:
1. For reducing the size of government, manifested by tax breaks for the upper and middle class.

2. Pro military strength. Believe in building up the military, as strength insures peace.

3. Pro personal responsibility. They believe that each person should work and be a productive member of society. The social safety net should only exist for those too infirmed to work, and for children.

4. Pro life. Abortion is not a woman’s choice, just as drowning your toddler is not a choice. A baby is a baby, born or unborn.

5. Pro business and industry. To have a strong economy, business which employ people must be given every incentive to work wisely and efficiently, so that employees continue to reap the benefits of a good job and a strong economy. This encourages businesses to stay in the United States, meaning that free trade agreements compliment the package, rather than replacing it.

6. Pro deficit spending. All goverments, Republican and Democrat have done deficit spending. Both point the finger at the other, but ultimately, it is a necessary evil to prevent a depression when economic shocks hit.

Democratic Platform is:
1. Pro big government. The government should provide extensive services across the board, and in order to do so, must be very large. This requires higher taxes on the middle and upper class, as manifested by the pre-Reagan era 90% tax rate on the rich.

2. Pro diplomacy. Believe that a strong military is not as important as diplomacy. Will sacrifice military strength for social programs.

3. Pro government responsibility. Social safety nets should exist for everyone. Welfare, social programs, and socialized medicine are all important parts of the Democratic ideal. People are not responsible for themselves, because the government is there to take care of them.

4. Pro choice. Believes it is a woman’s Constitutional right to abort her “fetus.”

5. Pro taxation on business and industry. In order to maximize social programs, it is necessary that business bear the brunt of the tax burden. This often results in businesses choosing to operate offshore. Free trade agreements need to be eliminated to prevent businesses from going offshore, so that the tax base will remain in the country. Otherwise, the government will not be able to afford it’s social programs.

6. Pro deficit spending. All goverments, Republican and Democrat have done deficit spending. Both point the finger at the other, but ultimately, it is a necessary evil to prevent a depression when economic shocks hit.

So if you’re going to make a decision, make it based on the real facts, not on the personalities of two men, who are mere cogs in the government machine.

  45 comments for “Time to Pick a Side

  1. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Petunia We have a Spencers here! Great, Thanks. I just finally saw your response. I always forget that you respond in your comments so I need to come back and read them again! Thank you. I can’t wait to get my husband with that one.

  2. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: kaki pathetic kaki, pathetic ploy

  3. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: kaki P.S. I updated. Come gimme some love

  4. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Walker Did anyone else notice how Kerry’s face is lopsided? That’s all I could focus on all night. He looks like he’s spent too much time in a tanning booth and it’s made his skin all floppy. (flip-floppy?)

  5. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete I don’t like to brag, (actually I do) but I have to agree with HRT. I pretty much nailed it on the head. Bush is a liar, Kerry is a weasel. Go figure.

  6. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy But you do feel like eating an entire box of Ho Ho’s though!

  7. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: kaki lol@uncle HRT

  8. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT I like the Surreal Life too, but I swear watching it kills more brain cells than smoking weed. And at least after smoking weed you don’t feel like vomiting afterwards.

  9. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: kaki Thanks Wendy sweetie. Yes, anyone who watches the Surreal Life has EXCELLENT taste, dontcha think? hehe. I always vote along party lines, and I always will. Not that it matters though, if my vote mattered, Gore would have been in the White House the last 4 years. Think I will go get a pedicure on election day.

  10. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy I always knew that kaki girl was smart and had excellent taste. I’m glad to know that some people don’t view my diary as “mindless drivel.”

  11. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT So I watched the debates last night and I must say, Incredipetey pretty much nailed it right on the head. Everything Kerry said could be boiled down to 3 things:

  12. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: kaki First off, HI ALL! Whoa Nelly, I am really behind here. I agree with some, disagree with some, but that is not important here. What is important is that we all get out to vote. I watched most of the debate, but found myself strangly drawn to re-runs of the Surreal Life. I love that Flavo Flav. And WENDY – I love your Diary girl!

  13. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Teets There is a saying that goes like this: “If you are a republican when you are young, you have no heart. If you are a democrat when you are older, you have no brain.”

  14. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf i swear sometimes when todd speaks … all i hear is clicking and squeaking … 🙂

  15. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT Dude, are you SURE we’re not twins? I’ll be Arnold you can be Danny DeVito. Or switch ’em round, it makes me no nevermind, tall and buff but considered a dumb fascist, or short and funny but generally still liked cause he stays out of politics. Though I’d much rather be married to Maria Shriver than Rhea Pearlman.

  16. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy For some reason your little link to “Writings of people that are interested in non-intellectual topics” didn’t work earlier. Now that I am at home and can click on it I somehow feel as though I should be offended. Well I am. Job well done.

  17. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Walker Thanks, the other explination sufficed.

  18. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Well, Walker, that theory of yours about the goverment printing money to eliminate the deficit sounds logical, as luck would have it, is not a great option. You see, when the market is flooded with craploads of crisp new bills, but the same number of goods are being produced in the country, you get what is called “Hyperinflation.” The word “Hyperinflation” comes from the root “Hyper” meaning “Oh crap, a whole lot” and “inflation” meaning “Wow, I have 5 billion dollars in cash, so now I can go buy a loaf of bread.” I could go into more detail, but I don’t want anyone to wind up in vaporlock.

  19. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: “Lynne” Was it the Bush interview with Dr. Phil?

  20. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: your incredibly adorable little sister Ah, when I’m not a Communist, Anarchist, or French Utopian Socialist, I do enjoy being a Republican. As far as democracies go, the republicans know what they’re talking about. If I could vote (oh, how I wish I could this year), I would vote for Bush. In an interview where he was just speaking rather than reading a prepared speech, he was actually quite intelligent (and, as I am both the Grammar Princess and the Mistress of Propaganda, I know what I’m talking about). So, vote for Bush. For me.

  21. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: “Lynne” wow.

  22. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Walker LOL I agree completely babe.

  23. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Oh, Petunia, you can buy those golf balls at Spencer’s Gifts. I think that’s a chain…

  24. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Well, if you’re going to vote based on pretty, I guess you’d better vote for “W”.

  25. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Walker No thank you. I’ll take brains and personality any day.

  26. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Pretty and a cowboy hat that is pretty much all I require. I’m used to the lack of brain cells.

  27. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: “Lynne”

  28. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Petunia Ok, so totally off the subject, but where can I can get one of those streamer balls? I must have one for my next golf game.

  29. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Walker Yes, but they’re from Texas and while some of us broke the mould, most of them didn’t.

  30. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy I meant “speech.” My bad!

  31. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Walker So… uh… How ’bout them Cowboys?

  32. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf cranky, party of one. now seating cranky party of one! ( you know i gots mad love for you my dland boyfriend)

  33. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Well, Wendy, maybe someday you will realize that despite rumors to the contrary, “Incredipete Slept Here” is actually MY diary, not yours. You are free to fill your diary with mindless drivel if you like. I prefer to occassionally venture into intellectual topics. Since it is my diary, I will feel free to continue my use of words ending in “ics,” like “Econometrics, Politics, Ebonics, Economics, Heretics, Hysterics, Pedantics, etc. If you want to read about other stuff, check out the Writings of people that are interested in non-intellectual topics.

  34. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf what’s “seech therapy” i’m not familiar with that one – although i already have a drawl/

  35. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy How many times do I have to say it? I do not, repeat, do not like this subject. I am highly opposed to subjects which end in “ics.” Specifically politics and economics. You must get some kind of sick pleasure out of torturing me with this stuff. I don’t care about is and neither should you. Your opinion of it makes no never mind. And allow me to let you in on a little secret……your vote

  36. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf Incredipete go check out stacey’s blog – she has a response to your woman’s list … it’s FUNNY!

  37. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: warcrygirl I’m totally going to watch the debates. Good luck finding Survivor tonight, we’ll be lucky to watch CSI.

  38. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Stacey I HAVE to watch the debate. I can’t do it with anyone else present, because the liklihood of my vomiting is so high, but I have to be able to be equally annoyed by each candidate. Also, I read this: http://www.csbsju.edu/uspp/Election/bush011401.htm. I have no idea if it’s worth anything, but it’s interesting.

  39. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Jackie Hi–I have to agree with MAF- not watching debates. I hope survivor is still coming on.

  40. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Walker Harsh Incredipetee. Harsh.

  41. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete For once in my life, I tried to give an unbiased summary of the two platforms. It was tough for me, but I think I pulled it off.

  42. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf having read your take on men and women. i’m not so sure i’m gonna trust your opinions on this one either tex. I do know i’m NOT watching the debate…there’s gotta be something better on tv – or shock of shocks, turn off the tv and read a book.

  43. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: mental I heard W had an IQ of 90. Seems lots of bad info is going around. Thanks for the sum up though.

  44. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete We’ll all try really hard to understand what you’re saying through your drawl…

  45. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Walker Fist, I haven’t even completed reading the entry, but then being from Texas, I may not understand it all anyway. Or at least I won’t be able to talk socialably about it. So what’s the point?

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