It’s time to clean out the scum.
1. Spammers – I propose that the telecommunications industry hire hit squad mercenaries to hunt down and kill spammers. The government does have the stomach to kill citizens, but they’re too afraid of the bad press if they get caught. Telecom is used to bad press, so what would be wrong with a few dead spammers?
2. Drunk Drivers – It’s only a matter of time before a DUI-proned citizen kills an innocent. Let’s have the highway patrol shoot people on the spot of the DUI stop like they do to injured animals. If your life is so bad you can only have fun by getting trashed and you’re also too poor to get a cab, then it sounds like capital punishment would be welcome relief from your life.
3. Fast-Lane Cruisers – The police had better start gunning these people down before I do.
4. Animal Abusers – People who abuse domesticated animals should be FED to animals. We could save our zoos tons of money while simultaneously nipping in the bud what was sure to end up being a serial killer.
5. Identity Thieves – If you are caught using someone else’s social, you are clearly up to no good, and since you apparently don’t have your own identity, no one will mind that you’re dead. That’s logical, right?
6. Regular-Parking-Space-Stealing Handicapped People – I am outraged by the double standard that exists in the handicapped parking world. There are literally ALWAYS 26 handicapped spots within 2 feet of the front door to every establishment, yet I routinely see handicapped people parking in our parking spots. If we then use theirs, we get a ticket. Park in your spots, or sow the seeds of your own destruction!
7. Public Wife-Beater Wearers – All of these men are depraved criminals. They just haven’t been caught yet. I know that sounds like profiling. It is.
8. STD Vectors – You know who you are. People who have STDs but continue sleeping around and not telling anyone. This type of behavior is small-scale biological warfare, which violates every major international treaty in the world. Disgusting AND illegal.