Things I don’t Understand

I’ve done lists like this before, but I’m quite sure my list has changed and expanded.

Drinking till you’re sick – There’s nothing sexy about alcoholism. I have done this before when I was younger. However, it only took me a couple of times to learn that it was completely stupid. If you’re over 21 and you’re still getting so drunk you barf, you are a moron. In fact, if you’re drinking enough that you have a hangover, you’re probably a moron. Cause and effect is one of the first things a baby learns. Why you can’t figure out drinking too much makes you sick – that’s amazing.

People who believe political rhetoric – Wow. You are one naive mother. Every politician has an angle. All of them are being propped up financially by one interest or another. Maybe it wasn’t like that 200 years ago, but it sure is today. You show me the most “ethical” politician you can think of, and I’ll tell you why he’s a lying, political prostitute. When Obama made your leg tingle, did you ever once question his motives or agenda? Obviously not.

People who cruise in the passing lane – What gives? How did you pass your driving test if you didn’t know this basic rule of the road? I’ve heard people say “I know people want me to get over, but I’m going the speed limit so they can kiss my grits.” WOW… that leads me to my next item:

People who think they are more important than anyone else – Getting in people’s way is passive aggressive and immature. Cutting in line is selfish. Thinking that you deserve to get special treatment or be ahead of all of the “morons who aren’t going anywhere important anyhow” is retarded. You have NO idea who you’re cutting off. For all you know, you could have cut off a surgeon on the way to do a heart transplant on a child. Perhaps you’re only cutting off a line of morons – but how could you possible know that?

Selfish people – When was the last time you did something for someone else, even when you didn’t really feel like it? If the answer is “Uhhhh” or “Why would I do that?”, you are an a-hole. Entitlement attitudes are totally despicable, and if you have one, you’re going to end up with a lot of people cutting you out of their lives, or maybe just resenting you. Maybe you don’t care that you’re hated as long as you keep getting what you want. I don’t know, because I’m not a selfish a-hole.

Boob jobs – Talk about gross. Why would you take something awesome and make it ridiculous? Who wants hard, super-buoyant boobs? I realize that society can be unnecessarily harsh to the flatter females, but let’s be real… there are PLENTY of men who PREFER flatter females. Don’t mess up something that doesn’t need messing up.

Hybrid cars – Your car is a giant rechargeable battery on wheels. Have you ever heard of a batter that’s good for the environment? Probably not since batteries are about the worst thing you could come up with outside of nuclear waste. Sure you might get better gas mileage (offset of course by the higher cost of your car), but what’s worse, 50% more carbon in your exhaust, or a toxic, leaking battery dripping acid into the water supply?

“Fat” as a “Handicap” – Being 600 pounds does not entitle you to be called “Handicapped”. It entitles you to a lot of other titles, but not that one. Why do you get good parking just for eating more than me? That just makes no sense. Let’s be honest, you could afford to walk more than me.

Chewing gum – Gum is one of the more disgusting things a person can partake in. I realize it has a function, covering up your stinky breath, but come on… maybe you should visit a dentist if your breath is that bad. In my experience, people who chew gum end up with even worse breath because the minty smell mingles with the halitosis and makes a garbage-like scent that wafts all around the chewer. Add to that the disgusting sounds that come from chewing gum and the obvious problem of people who play with their gum and/or stick it places it should be… stop being nasty!

Video gamers – We all have our vices. Some people smoke, some drink, some sleep around, and then there are the gamers. Gamers are the most pathetic form of addicts. They have chosen a habit that isolates them from reality and other people, sucks their brains out, and renders them anti-social, un-bathed, and very very pale. What are you possible gaining from your gaming habit?

I’m sure this list is much longer, but that will be a post for another day.

  1 comment for “Things I don’t Understand

  1. livieloo
    August 25, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    The one about fat people getting handicapped signs made me laugh out loud.

    … do you think I have bad breath because I chew gum?! I’m sorry it offends you but I like the taste and I won’t stop. I hope you understand. Haha.

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