Selfish, Manipulative, and Backstabbing.
That is a girl from my past, who I’ll call “Mallory”. You see, I was trapped in a weird vortex somewhere between dating and the “friend zone.” You can’t call it the friend zone, because it was more than that. But you can’t call it dating, because no matter what she said to me in private, she would never admit to dating me to anyone else.
There was a reason for that… she was using me. I was her meal ticket, personal servant, and guardian. She was a single girl who hadn’t been in KC for very long. She wanted someone to be her bitch, buy her things, and protect her from weirdos (who were undoubtedly other guys she’d driven insane). Sadly for me, she didn’t exactly frame it that way to me, and being the gullible moron that I was, I went with it.
In my defense, she was willing to say and do ANYTHING to keep me hooked. It was my job to take care of her every whim, buy her whatever she wanted, take her out whenever she wanted (but be content when she got a “better offer”), and basically revolve my life around trying to make her happy. Each time I started to get fed up with her selfishness, she’d do something to convince me we were in a relationship. But those were the only times she acted that way.
Mallory was a user. I was a sucker. But also, I genuinely cared about her. I naively pictured us married with kids. I thought anyhow. But I was never anything to her except her pet.
The day I finally realized I was a complete moron was awful. She was in the tub at her apartment. I was in the kitchen cooking. The phone rang, and it was the guy who she ultimately married. At the time, he was calling to ask her out on a first date. She’d given him her number so clearly she wanted to take the call. I took the phone into the bathroom and handed her that call. Think about the weird, sad situation I was in… handing the phone to this naked woman so she could accept a date from someone else.
I tried to extract myself emotionally and make it into “just friends” in both directions after that, but she wasn’t content with that. She wanted to date him and have me still be her bitch. When I told her that wasn’t fair nor was it acceptable, she told me I was a bad friend and didn’t speak to me for a year.
Eventually we started to talk again, truly as “just friends”. But she never really let go of her need to control me emotionally any chance she got. Even after I was married, she wanted to have control. I was so opposed to letting that happen again, I stopped talking to her and spending any time with her – not even when Jenna would go out for drinks with her. I refused to go. I knew what her agenda was because I’d experienced it.
I haven’t spoken to her once in almost three years. I know that I was not the last person to be her “bitch.” Which is funny since she’s married. You’d think her husband would be her bitch. Maybe he is, too. I have no idea.
What I do know is, people who manipulate, insist upon themselves being put above everything else, people who use people up and throw them away – they deserve whatever happens to them.
If you find someone who is generous, kind, and devoted – perhaps appreciating and valuing it is a better plan than using and abusing. Most people will never learn that lesson.