The Trench

And now, for something completely un-serious.

I spent my morning yesterday digging a trench in my back yard.

No, it was not to bury people that have crossed me. I was not searching for precious stones or gold.

I wasn’t even trying to dig up the Weber grill my dogs buried in my back yard.

I was burying my cable.

It all started Monday when I picked up my DVR unit at Comcast. I’ve been quite excited about the prospect of being able to record things (since I’ve never learned to program a VCR) with the touch of a button.

After work, I went home, excited to try the new equipment. I hooked it all up, and… nothing. Just static.

I went to my bedroom, where I have a second digital box (and the big TV), and turned it on. Static.

This was no surprise to me, since last time I had to get new equipment from Comcast, they hosed up my settings on their end and I lost my signal on both of my digital boxes.

I called Comcast (1-800-NOS-IGNL)and told them they were freaking morons, and once again had disabled the wrong digital box. The person I talked to was clearly not from this country, and did not fully grasp the English language.

Incredipete: “My digital signal is gone, because you people turned off the wrong signal. Again. All I have is a grey screen.”

Dipjeyaha: “Deedjew plugeedee power into thee deegital box?”

Incredipete: “Yes, you hopeless moron. Do you think I’m so dumb that I can’t tell my equipment is plugged in? Besides, it worked fine this morning, and it hasn’t been touched since then.”

Dipjeyaha: “EEZ thee power cord go into power streep?”

Incredipete: “Yes, and the power strip is on.”

Dipjeyah: “EEZ thee VeeCR power on?”

Incredipete: “I don’t have a VCR on this TV.”

Dipjeyah: “You cannut have blue screen if you haf no VCR.”

Incredipete: “I don’t have a blue screen, I have a grey screen.”

Dipjeyah: “You cannut have grey screen.”

Incredipete: “Umm… But I have a grey screen.”

Dipjeyah: “EEZ not posseeble.”

Incredipete: “Maybe I’m not explaining myself clearly. THE DAMNED FREAKING SCREEN IS GREY!!!”

Dipjeyah: “Thee serveece call vill be between 8 am and 5 pm on Tooseday.”

Incredipete: “Well, that’s fantastic, except that I will be at work from 8 to 5 on Tuesday.”

Dipjeyah: “Vood Thirsday verk beetter?”

Incredipete: “I WORK EVERY DAY!”

Dipjeyah: Then vee cannut help. Veddy Soddy.”

Incredipete: “Thanks. I assume you veel be deducting the days I do not have service from my bill. Let’s see, that’s about 6 dollars a day.”

Dipjeyah: “Vee cannut deduct bill.”

Incredipete: CLICK


At this point, my only hope was to watch TV in my kitchen, where I have a non-digital connection.

I turned on the TV. Static.


Then I got to thinking… what could cause a total service interruption to my house.

I went out to the back yard, and found my cable ripped off the back of the house, and the cable ripped out of the ground all the way back to the junction box by the back fence.


That probably explains why I have static.

Unfortunately, it was pitch black, freezing cold, and raining. Thus my wait until yesterday morning.

I went out, dug a trench, buried the cable, and then attached the broken connector back to the box using blue masking tape. (when the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.)

Now, my cable is functional until the blue tape fails.

  11 comments for “The Trench

  1. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: DanjerusKurves I can’t handle the words “cable”, “sucking”, and “Incredipete” all in one post!!

  2. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Anisettekiss Veddy goodt! *smooch*

  3. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Andria Wombat, I have never tried knocking over old ladies for fun, so you could be right, for all I know. I’ll stick to selling crack and porn to little kids.

  4. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete That was soo much more hot than when the comcast person spoke in that accent…

  5. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Anisettekiss Vood it bee ah teddible toorn off eef Ah speeek doo yoo en thees accent an tell yoo how sexay yoo are? *spank*

  6. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wombat Andria, I agree that kicking puppies is just flat out horrible but I have to disagree with the knocking down old ladies. Have you ever tried it? It’s way fun!!

  7. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Andy I always used the expression Laying Pipe. But i guess “laying cable” works too.

  8. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Andria The only people worse than the people that work at cable companies are people that kick puppies and knock over old ladies just for fun. They all SUCK. But the DVR is the best invention of the 20th century. Well, that and the Pocket Rocket.

  9. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete It’s working. Kinda. You have to hit refresh after you post for your comment to show up.

  10. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Teets I think your comments thingy isn’t working.

  11. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Teets Apparently some dastardly douchbaggery is afoot at the cable company. Hey…Am I actually first?

Comments are closed.