Let me tell you about my morning.
So today about 4 AM, Amber starts whimpering and scratching at the door. So being the good dog owner that I am, I put on pants and took her outside. She seemed relieved, so we went back inside.
I woke up to the sound of something explosive and squishy. I turned on the light, and it looked like a crime scene next to my bed. She had exploded from the rear end, and left a huge puddle and splatters up the wall. It was overwhelming, especially considering I was sleeping peacefully until 1 second before.
So I took her outside to make sure there wasn’t anymore in there, and then I went around the house collecting the various gear I’d be needing to clean up the mess…. towels, paper napkins, plastic bags, space suit, oxygen tank, gasoline, and matches. Then I went about cleaning up the mess.
After I finished, I went ahead and got ready for work, right to the part where I went to put on my class ring. It got stuck. Firmly stuck. It wouldn’t budge, and my finger was starting to turn purple, so I went towards the kitchen to find some dish soap to lubricate my ring.
I turned the corner to the dining room, and there was… another crime scene. The poopie bandit had struck again, this time splattering a wide dispersment pattern all the way across the dining room, including on 3 walls. Needless to say I was not thrilled.
I grabbed the electric shock collar, and sent Amber outside, where she will remain until she can prove she has control over her bowels. I got more equipment, and cleaned.
Then I realized I still hadn’t finished putting my ring on, and now my finger hurt so bad I thought I’d need it amputated. The finger was starting to swell, making it even more difficult to budge. Finally after soaking my finger in Jergen’s lotion, it slid on. So far, my finger hasn’t fallen off.
That’s how I started my day. How about you?