The Myth of Love

It’s Saturday. It’s not as if anyone will be reading this anyhow, so I’ll take on a tough topic. Today I’m going to talk about the myth of love.

So many people in the world harbor the notion that love just happens, it’s amazing anything productive ever happens. “Love at first sight” is one of the silliest concepts ever dreamed up, undoubtedly by a hormonal 13 year old girl.

The fact is, if there is such a thing as love, it certainly has NOTHING to do with sight. If you merely utter the words “love at first sight” I automatically assume you are a superficial twit. Justifiably so, I might add.

The only possible phrase you can use that might be accurate is “lust at first sight,” which is at least honest, albeit still superficial and dimwitted. At least lust has its grounding in hormones and body chemistry.

Love, on the other hand, has nothing to do with chemistry, contrary to popular belief. Love is not an emotion, it’s not even fun most of the time. There’s no such thing as some fairytale romance that lasts forever. The best you can hope for is a fairytale romance that lasts till shortly after you get married, which dissipates quickly once you realize that living with ANYONE is annoying at best.

Hollywood further perpetuates this silly notion of love when what they’re really talking about is lust, as played out by guys acting romantic so they can get sex, which inevitably works because both parties are just selfishly trying to get what they want. It’s merely a transaction – romance for sex.

Of course that sounds cynical, but it isn’t. It’s a very logical observation.

How do you explain how more than half of all couples who GET MARRIED end up hating each other’s guts? They “loved’ each other enough to actually walk down the aisle and exchange vows. That’s some pretty serious stuff. How can they go from that feeling to utter hatred within a few short years?

The answer is simple. Those relationships are based on chemistry rather than on being a grown-up who makes good decisions. If people waited until AFTER the chemistry wore off to get married, no one would ever get divorced. That’s because the only form of love that works long-term is the kind of love that isn’t an emotion at all. It’s a decision that, no matter how miserable you are, you’ll stick with that person because it’s the right thing to do.

I would submit that if you are miserable and stick with the person anyhow, that’s a much stronger example of love than someone who only hangs around as long as they have a gushy feeling. Supporting someone who drives you nuts or bores you to tears… that’s love…. or is it?

As it turns out, love isn’t love at all. It’s following the Golden Rule with someone even when there’s no shine left on the apple. It’s sticking it out even when it’s not fun. It’s treating someone well who doesn’t deserve it, and hopefully having them treat you well back, even though you don’t deserve it. It’s honoring your commitments.

Real love is simply maturity.

  2 comments for “The Myth of Love

  1. Meg
    March 8, 2009 at 9:46 am

    “It’s a decision that, no matter how miserable you are, you’ll stick with that person because it’s the right thing to do.”

    Wow, that was almost sentimental. The other amazing thing is that I agree with pretty much, if not all of, what you said.

  2. livieloo
    March 8, 2009 at 7:50 pm

    Although, before you choose to marry someone you should probably have some core things in common. Otherwise you’re just making yourself more miserable than you have to be.
    Also, statistically more men believe in “love” at first sight than women do. I’m much too practical for that kind of crap :o)

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