The Jury’s Still Out

Howdy folks! Today’s entry will be highly entertaining, unless you are one of my harder-to-please audience, which, well, are hard to please. I think you know who you are. I would like to request that instead of you telling me that you don’t like my entry, you go start your own site and see how interesting of an article you can write. Once you do that, you will have some room to talk. Until then, I will continue to scoff at your rude remarks, content in the knowledge that my site may suck, but it’s 100% more entertaining than yours.

Disclaimer: This article in no way reflects my views of certain people (my boss) when I make derogatory remarks about people that are picked for jury duty. I do not think that my boss is a stupid moron, just because he got picked for jury duty the very day I wrote this article. I swear, it’s just a coincidence.

I would like to discuss the finer points of our American legal system. Ok, actually, I’m going to talk about the not-so-fine points. To start, I think that having an adversarial system is brilliant, and also crazy.

Here’s the problem: We have two sides, both of which have secrets, neither of which can share the information with each other. So, by it’s very nature, all trials are decided using faulty and/or incomplete information. The defense lawyer that gets a criminal off is celebrated as brilliant. I think that’s a buncho crap. If the person is guilty and confesses it to a lawyer, they should be forced to say so, and the person should go to jail. This “privilege” crap doesn’t make any sense. If the person DID the crime… they should be punished.

And the worst part of the legal system is “supressing of evidence.” Ok, we KNOW that this evidence implicates someone, and chances are, it makes the case against someone that is GUILTY. I realize that rules about illegal searches are designed to protect from the state being big brother, but if evidence exists, it should be in the trial. Otherwise, the case is being decided on incomplete facts. I propose that instead of throwing out the evidence, that we punish the officer that illegally obtained the evidence, rather than punishing society by putting a criminal back on the streets.

Then, once we actually get to the trial, assuming there’s enough evidence left after the judge rules that the murder weapon and the surveillance video that caught the whole thing on tape are supressed because there was a loophole with the search warrant, you end up in front of a jury of morons. I’m not saying that all people that get summoned are morons. I’m saying that the people that are TOO DUMB to get out of actually serving are morons. Come on… anyone with half a brain can get out of jury duty. So we end up with a jury of “people that don’t want to be at work, or don’t have a job so they want the 8 bucks a day” instead of a jury of peers.

Frankly, I don’t want my fate being decided by a jury of people that were too dumb to get out of jury duty. God help us.

And let us not forget the “Insanity” or “Not comIncredipetent” defense. If someone commits a crime, obviously they’re crazy. Being a nut is not a defense. It may be a reason, but it’s not a defense. A defense is “yes, I killed him, but he was in the process of killing my family with a pitchfork.” Saying “I did it because the voices told me to” is not a defense, because ANYONE can say that. All you have to do is fool a shrink, which frankly can’t be that hard, and you’ve committed the perfect crime.

And last but not least, we have judges. The “almighty” frickin idiots that preside over these trials are some of the most corrupt, moronic people in society. They were people that had the morals of a defense attorney, and the political ability of a congressman. Talk about the sleeze of the earth.

Now, I would be remiss if I didn’t offer an alternative to the current system, so here it is:

1. If a person confesses to a crime, even if they’re NUTSO, or were tortured by the LAPD, they are guilty and go to jail.

2. If the person was beaten by police, the police will be punished.

3. If evidence is found illegally, it will be allowed in, but the officer that was too dumb to get a warrant will also go to jail.

4. There will be no more jury or judge involved in the case. The attorneys will present their cases in a half hour format to a live studio audience, and then the audience will vote, guilty or not guilty. I know this will work because on Millionaire, the audience poll is NEVER wrong. The majority of Americans will always have the right answer, via a very interesting “floating statistical mean” that occurs in situations like this.

5. Persons found guilty will never get parole. Ever.

6. Frankly, I still think we should execute anyone found guilty of a crime, no matter what it is. Much cheaper than the current system.

  12 comments for “The Jury’s Still Out

  1. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: jamey Dear Incredipeter, “Andrea” and I agree that this is indeed your best entry to date… However, none of us should be happy to just kill everybody who is inconvenient. Actually, I would personally like a laser cannon on my vehicle so that I can vaporize stupid, ignorant, and nasty drivers and pedestrians… we can’t always get what we think we want. Alas! But, I digress. My point is that we need to try to be charitable AND sensible. Thanks Incredipete for you morbid and refreshing interest in our “justice system”. Love and squishy kisses, Jamey

  2. I'm
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: I’m Shameless

  3. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Jackie I love earthtones. How can you crack on people from Virginia when you just said “underbritches”? Or were you just trying to make us feel at home? I read your article because I saw that Wendy said it was good. I agree. Maybe it was the cheese steak that helped you out.

  4. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Shit! I meant number 5 on your handy dandy little list there. My apologies for any confusion.

  5. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: jamey Dearest Pietro, You are a sneaky fish-liar! You have now been caught by two people. Do not pretend that you do not know what we are talking about.

  6. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Well glory be. I must say that this is the best entry I have read from Incredipete. Of course I have only read about 5, but still. I like number 6, unless of course 25 years later they come up with DNA that exonerates you. Then you should be freed with one million dollars for every year of your life that has been lost. Hiiiiiiii thea. How you doin’ Boo?

  7. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: “Andrea” Incredipete what time is it?

  8. FA
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: FA As a matter of fact, I am! Thanks for bringing me along for the ride…

  9. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: thea Famous Amos: Are you following mee??? *ker-blush*

  10. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Famous Amos Damn it! Incredipete CHEATED!

  11. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: thea Damn it…

  12. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete HA. I’m first.

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