How to Tell That Your Date is Going Badly
1. When she never shows up. (Always a sure sign, this has happened to me several times.)
2. When she excuses herself to go to the bathroom and never comes back.
3. When she orders a drink by saying “I want the strongest thing your bartender can legally make.”
4. When you lean in to kiss her goodnight and she sprays you with Mace.
5. When she tells you she agreed to go out with you because she thinks your buddy is hot and wants you to fix them up. (Ok, this happened to me, too.)
6. When halfway through dinner she says “OH, I thought you had a GOOD job.”
7. When she gets so wasted on the first date that she can’t find her own house. (I swear, this one actually happened to me.)
8. When she spends the entire time answering your questions with “yes” or “no” resulting in her speaking a total of 9 words for the evening. Then she thinks you’re a jerk because you don’t call her again. (Yes, this one actually happened to me, too. I don’t date people that can’t carry on a conversation about SOMETHING. ANYTHING.)
9. When she tells you that she wants to date you so long as it’s ok that she dates other people too, but she doesn’t want you to see anyone else.
10. When you ask her to come up to your place after the date and she laughs so hard that she snorts.
Talk with you later.