The Blonde Antichrist

Alright, I forgot to mention something very critical in the ongoing saga that is Incredipete’s life. As you all know, I have had an inexplicable crazed attraction to the girl at the vet’s office. For convenience I’ll call her “hotpants.” She is everything I’m looking for in a woman, except for the red hair, and that’s easy to change.

For instance, she has a beautiful smile, and a sparkle in her baby blue eyes. You can tell she’s got the “right stuff” if you know what I mean, even though her medical scrubs don’t really do her justice. She is super friendly and always makes an extra effort to come out and play with Abby and talk to me. I know all of her pets names, and what they like to do, eat, and their complete medical history.

Actually, I think she mainly likes Abby, but you never know. The point is, contrary to what you all think, I’m not a complete wuss when it comes to the dating ritual. In fact, I am IncrediIncredipete, doer of good things where women are concerned. (I stole that from “Sports Night” on HBO)

The point being, I casually came around to the subject of asking her out about 2 weeks ago, give or take. I had some trepidation going in, because one time I asked out a waitress I’d known for about 2 years, and she got all weird and to this day I still can’t go to that restaurant because she acts like she’s got a restraining order out on me. Come on, gal. I asked for your phone number, and called you once. ONCE. I’m not a stalker. I just liked you and thought we got along pretty well. Sorry, I guess you were just acting friendly and interested for a tip. Here’s a tip. Kiss my butt, career waitress.

ANYHOO, I didn’t want to freak hotpants out and have to find a new vet. She was very sweet about it, and informed me that she has a boyfriend. I suppose that’s an ok excuse. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have been in the wings, waiting for him to screw it up, because inevitably it always happens. Girls as cute, smart, and friendly as her always date complete worthless losers that play Nintendo all day and treat them bad. So sure, I would have been willing to invest a little wait time in her.

That is, until I took Amber to the vet yesterday. There was the gal, sweet and friendly as ever. We talked for a while, she played with Liv, and then she turned around to go get some paperwork. She had her hair up, and what I saw sent a chill down my spine.

Tattooed squarely on the back of her neck… The mark of the beast. I’d like to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that a)she peeved the tattoo artist b)someone played a cruel practical joke on her c)she thought it meant something else. (Like accidentally getting a Pentagram tattoo instead of a Star of David.) This girl is the antichrist! Or at least she’d like to be. The only consolation is that it’s not a birthmark (then I’d really be frightened) but getting it tattooed on your neck is pretty extreme.

I guess nobody would follow the antichrist if he looked like Freddy, and now I know… the antichrist is an insanely cute 24 year old blonde.

I’d still date hotpants if she were single, but I’d definitely bring some holy water with me just in case.

I’m going to become a monk now. I hope I can get on Diaryland from the monestary.

  50 comments for “The Blonde Antichrist

  1. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Walker If not your soul, you’re bodily organs or something I’m sure. She’d probably try to convince you to get matching tatoos.

  2. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Brave sir Robin ran away. Bravely ran away, away. When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled…

  3. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Jackie a) yikes on the chick–I never thought I would be using this line as a consolation but–Oh well at least she doens’t want to date you anyway. q)”strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power is derived by a mandate from the masses, not some farcical aquatic ceremony”

  4. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: thea Wow, did I miss out on a good day. Any gaggle of persons discussing the art of Monty Python should be praised. (gaggle being any group or cluster…) btw, I’m goign to flat out use Incredipete as I was originally given permission too… meanmommy updated, just so you know. “Now go awaay before I taunt you a second tiime!”

  5. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: warcrygirl Okay, now I’m going to have to watch that movie this weekend. We refer to it as Uncle Arthur and we let the boys watch all of it except the Black Knight scene.

  6. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Stacey OH, but if I went ’round sayin’ I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!

  7. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT Stop that now and I mean it!

  8. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Stacey You know much that is hidden, O Tim.

  9. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Walker Look, you stupid bastard, you’ve got no arms left. Yes I have. Look! Just a flesh wound.

  10. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Stacey It’s not a question of where he grips it, it’s a simple question of weight ratios! A five-ounce bird could not carry a one-pound coconut!

  11. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy I say do it girl. If he doesn’t know how to treat you right, it is time to move on….

  12. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf i think i’m gonna have to proclaim HRT my online boyfriend ( even though he’s happily married … and the father of 2 ) because my currently diaryland boyfriend is ignoring me ….

  13. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Bring us a shrubbery!

  14. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Kathy Wow, Incredipete — that’s freaky! Good thing you saw it BEFORE you took her out! How are the pups?

  15. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: warcrygirl King o’ the ‘ooo? Well I didn’t vote for ya.

  16. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Teets “Ni!!”

  17. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT “It’s only a flesh wound…I’ll bite your kneecaps off!”

  18. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: warcrygirl You ducky English connnnnnnnigits, I fart in your general direction you sons of a window dresser. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elder berries.

  19. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Walker I feel happy… I feel happy.

  20. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete How do you know she is a witch?

  21. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT Hey if the coconuts are ripe, it doesn’t matter what shade of blonde, brunette or redhead she is.

  22. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Stacey BWAAAAAAAA! Mental, when did we start having a ‘gaggle’ of boobs?! CRACK ME UP, girl.

  23. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Walker Two is a pair.

  24. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: mental I think two is a ‘gaggle’.

  25. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Stacey warcry…. is two a bunch?? 🙂

  26. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: warcrygirl I have a lovely bunch of coconuts.

  27. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Kathleen Um, Sports Night on HBO? Please explain. Pretty please with sugar on top. From a natural redhead….who happens to be the biggest Sports Night fan in the world, but am wondering how it ended up on HBO. Please, please, please. Sorry, I’ll stop begging.

  28. MAF
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: MAF i have a sock monkey – but she has green hair … and a tiara… i’m just saying.

  29. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Stacey What?! A swallow, carryin’ a coconut?!

  30. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Teets It sometimes annoys the Teets of Redheadedness that in general you could put a blond wig on a sock monkey and guys would get turned on. But really, we all know when the right girl comes along, her hair color won’t be the deciding factor.

  31. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Walker =)~ Hee hee hee

  32. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Stacey Not at all! They could be carried.

  33. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Walker Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

  34. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Stacey Um, yeah.

  35. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Is it that transparent?

  36. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT And I think we all know where Sir-Incredipetey likes to find the “stuffing” too.

  37. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Careful, Mental. The Teets of Rage may come down and smite you for insulting redheads. Don’t worry, I like all hair colors, as long as the girl attached to the hair has the “right stuff.”

  38. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Yup, MAF, I’m afraid HRT’s right on this one. Devil – Liberal… all the same in my book.

  39. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: mental I swear to GOD…if i hear one more comment about how being blonde is a “flaw”, i’m gonna have to try my new kickboxing move on you. I’m glad she turned out to be the Prince of Darkness. Serves you right for liking redheads. Hellloooooo? What else did you expect from a redhead???

  40. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Get him maf. It would appear that he has not even taken the time to go read Jackie’s entry or comment either.

  41. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf buddy. perhaps you’re unaware of the trouble you’re in with me. don’t push it 🙂

  42. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT And those two things are different how?

  43. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf the devil you say … i bet she’s liberal too ….. 🙂

  44. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Walker There’s more to being perfect than being… perfect. You’ll find someone you can relate to, laugh with, and simply enjoy more than words. And when that time comes, you’ll know it’s right… and that she’s not the Antichrist. =)~

  45. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Better luck next time slick!

  46. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete I hate to go out on a limb, but I’m thinking she probably won’t ever have grandchildren… because she’ll eat her young.

  47. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: warcrygirl Is she Pagan? Does she actually worship the Devil or is it a remnant from her wild heavy metal days in high school? Maybe she’s working and saving money to have it lasered off?

  48. Wen
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wen I want to know how she’s going to explain that one to her grandchildren. Hell, how’d she explain that to her mother?

  49. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Teets again Yeah, it sucks when you find out your sweet intended is a foul fiend from the dark and unholy depths of Hell. Keep your eyes peeled my friend, there’s plenty more cuties about. 🙂

  50. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Teets First.

Comments are closed.