The Baby-Making Phase

Yes, all you people who don’t believe I am the age I claim to be. I was born in May of 1978, at Research Medical Center in Kansas City, Missouri. I have no idea what kind of research they did on me, but it seems to have affected my hair follicles.

I’m 26. I have a lot of opinions for someone my age. I blame my bad personality. I’ve been accused of “seeming 30” since I was 18. It’s a curse. The only women that ever showed an interest were 8-12 years older than me. The ironic part is that now I’m closing in on 30, and those 30 something women aren’t looking too bad now…

If only they weren’t so danged insane with hormones around that age. Not the good kind of hormones, either. It’s the kind of hormones that make a perfectly stable, intelligent women suddenly decide after 30 years of saying they “never want to have kids” to desperately want to start popping kids out. You all know I’m right, so don’t try and deny it.

Guys go through something similar at around 18 years of age. We don’t want babies so much… just want to “practice” our technique. We spend several years insanely hormonal, and fortunately the hormones start to slow down… just in time for the woman to reach her maternal instinct phase.

Thank god that men and women don’t peak at the same time… imagine the population problems we’d have.

The only way a woman will be satisfied when she enters “the phase” will be if she hooks up with an 18 year old guy. He of course will not be thinking about the evil insanity of having children, only about the bliss of “gettin’ some.” Everybody gets what they want.

That, or we could just lock women up from 29 to 36. That would solve the problem, too.

So, all that said, I’m glad to be nearing 30, and I’m even more glad that I don’t have to become a hormonal emotional nut when I get there. Yup… Estrogen=Nutcase.

  15 comments for “The Baby-Making Phase

  1. Ricky
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    Yeah, when I turned 30 i found that all the women my age were suddenlly a lot more forward. And of course it didn’t none that that was about the time I became celibate…….. that was just bad timing….. women are wierd……

  2. wombatcity
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am


    You’ve just inspired my next post.

  3. allie/#3ga
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    i’m telling you. it changes at 34. somewhere between 27 – 33 you think you’ll actually die if you don’t have kids…then at 34 you realize that not only will you NOT die – but you have lots of extra money… so not too shabby.

  4. warcrygirl
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    I’m no longer ovulating but I don’t think you’ll want me this week.

    I hate surprises.

  5. Incredipete
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    I’d be willing to modify the lock-up dates based on Allie’s experience…

  6. warcrygirl
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    I say we lock up all the 18 year old men…and let them out to play when we old chicks AREN’T ovulating.

    Heh, just try and lock me up. And believe me, I am quite finished having children.

  7. DanjerusKurves
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    I just realised I’m ovulating… watcha doin’ this weekend, Incredipete?

  8. odaresilv
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    I happen to be 30 and still don’t hear any clock. But I do feel the lust when I’m around a sexy bald man. 😉

  9. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    I could tell you some of my experiences. However the statute of limitations has yet to run out.

    Girls are weird.

  10. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    I am so not a moron.. you’re a fuckin’ bully man.

  11. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    I am in my 30’s, and I am danged insane with the right kind of hormones, not those insane maternal ones. Not every girl has a biological clock. 😉

  12. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    Don’t be hatin on Estrogen, my friend. For Estrogen = curves, soft voice, femininity, smooth soft skin, and female sex drive.

  13. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    Avoiding procreation at all costs, thanks.

  14. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    Are you fucking kidding me? I have way more fun now that I’m 29 than I did years ago, & my guy is 32. Maybe we just got the “Super-hot-let’s-get-down-on-a-regular-basis” gene & other’s didn’t. Bummer for the crabby people. I updated for you hooker.

  15. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    *We* don’t want babies… The Clock does! but yeah … I happen to love younger men who love older women.

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