Tabasco Spackle

So, last night, I got home exhausted from a long workout, and my neighbors came running up to my car. Not usually good since they hate me. At least, they hardly ever talk to me. Needless to say, I was only confused for a minute, before I noticed the gaping hole in the front of my brand new house. The “neighborhood watch captain” told me she kept hearing this knocking sound, and finally figured out that a woodpecker was trying to get into my attic. Well, the little bugger succeeded, and I was none too pleased. Take a look, and you’ll understand…


So, I started trying to decide how to cover the hole. I looked around our garages, and collected all of the semi-solid, sticky stuff we could find. But what if the woodpecker came back after we patched the hole? So I went inside and got a bottle of tabasco… which we mixed with the spackle. I don’t know if that will work, but it sure made me laugh when I was doing it. So I stuck a board inside the hole, and started applying tabasco-spackle® (Patent Pending). Once we had built up enough spackle, I coated it with waterproof caulk (bathtub sealer) so the rain wouldn’t erode the drywall plaster. I don’t think that plaster is intended for outdoor use.

After we finally finished with the “repairs” I went into the garage and found the house paint. I covered it up with a thick slathering of paint, and it looks as good as new. I have to say, home ownership gives a whole new meaning to “resourcefulness.”

So, I needed a backup plan in case the tabasco-spackle doesn’t work. Fortunately, I have a “Spider Gun® ” (Patent Pending) which is a compressed air BB gun I used when I lived with my parents. Whenever I would spot a poisonous spider across the room, instead of getting out of bed and finding a shoe, I would shoot the spider with the gun. I know, you say… it’s not possible to hit a spider with a BB gun from 20 feet away. BAH! I’m not saying I could do it right from the start, and I’m not saying that sometimes it didn’t take a couple of shots, but I always got him. (Mom, when you take down the posters, you’ll find the holes… sorry) If Woody comes back to make a new hole in my house, I’m gonna shoot him in the tailfeathers.

Sometimes real life is stranger than fiction. Especially my life.

  16 comments for “Tabasco Spackle

  1. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Increbidepe I thought it was weird that she couldn’t remember. I usually don’t have that problem.

  2. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: thea She’s a liar, she never remembers shit.

  3. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: thea Since when did this shit get so violent? ‘Increbidepe’ was funnee. Learn to laugh at yourself and the fuck-ups by others will make you roar, look at Kimmy, … she’s had me rolling in agony for years now. Peace Bitches :).

  4. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Dearest BCTPF: Shut up and spell my name right or I will fly out and do something violent. “I could always burn down the building.”

  5. Big
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Big C The Pimpin’ Funkmaster I believe someone is questioning my spelling of Petie. As quoted from the Office Space, “I believe you’d get your #ss kicked for making a statement like that.” I don’t need no “Increbidepe” telling me how to spell it. 🙂

  6. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Yet, the name never stuck until “Lynne” started using it. Strange coincidence, don’t you think? We could always combine them and make it “Incredipeteey.”

  7. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: “Andrea” I think since I have known you since you were a wee pup and you still had hair that my spelling is the correct one Incredipetey.

  8. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete BTW everyone… if you’re going to use my nickname coined by “Lynne”, it’s spelled Incredipetee, not “Petie” as some of the less enlightened have chosen to spell it. How would you like it if I called you “Big See”, or “Jaemie”… that’s what I thought.

  9. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Oh baby, you can count on it. You’ll remember it. I can’t wait!

  10. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Kimmy Jamey, since you all don’t know what to do w/him, just send him my way. Ill take GOOD care of him..and i’ll remember it the next day supposedly!:D

  11. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: jamey Incredipete, How come you are never this funny in real life? Also, people love you; we simply don’t know what to do with you. Furthermore, I believe that you have adapted the idea of tabasco sauce to fend-off animals because you know that I always tell people to use good old non-toxic ceyanne pepper to rid your garden etc. of pests. Who’d-a-thought old Petie boy’d be harbor’n a huge ‘ole pecker in his house? Talk about smuggl’n plumms! See Ya jamey

  12. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: thea Don’t you worry, we all know those are your biceps you stud.

  13. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: thea (cinderella from Chicago) Damn dude, you don’t look anything like I imagined, … not that it’s a bad thing (stoner), you are much better built than most men with a brain and a built in vocabulary that I’ve known of late. Write on bro, good luck with that patent!

  14. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete I would never doctor a photo on my website. Especially not that one of Incredipete Diesel.

  15. Big
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Big C That picture looks like it has been messed with. Are you sure that’s real Petie?

  16. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Monkeyshag Nice Pecker. When can I order some Tabasco-Spackle?

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