Words of wisdom from my high school algebra teacher. When we would get too much homework and start complaining, he would say it every time. “Suck it up and move on.”
What do you do when life is frustrating? When things don’t go your way? When you have to keep your problems to yourself?
Some people would shut down, melt down, or give up. Some people would try harder. Some people would carry on hoping things would work out.
I am an internalizer. I focus 100% of my stress, frustration, and anger inwards. When I was younger, it wasn’t so bad. I could physically handle it, which is a big part of the deal. I also had less stress. As I’m getting older, my body just can’t hold up to the constant stress of holding everything in.
I’ve been advised that I should get in touch with my feelings and emotions. While I agree this is good advice, I reject the notion that I’m not already “in touch.” I just don’t share. It’s not even that I don’t want to share, but the conditions have to be right, and it has to be someone I know won’t a) laugh their butt off, or b) be mad at me for feeling however I do.
The truth is, I almost never feel comfortable sharing. Strangely, I usually feel pretty comfortable sharing here… odd, since it’s public, but not so odd, considering it’s largely anonymous.
Lately, my internalization has begun causing me health problems. Granted, they’re self-inflicted psychological problems, but guess what… those are as real as they get. I never would have believed any of it before experiencing it. I used to think people who were like me were weak and needed to just “suck it up” and stop worrying.
Uh. No. That doesn’t work.
So, I’m somewhat at a loss, because I know my current status quo is not going to work. Most of my stressors are outside of my control (although some are not), so that’s giving me a feeling of being out of control, which is another feeling I’m not good at dealing with.
But, since it’s out of my control, I guess I’ll just suck it up and shut up. Thanks for letting me bore you.