Social Security Is Saved

So, I was talking to my friend Paula yesterday about the newest hurricane bearing down on Florida, and we realized… this is it!

Where do people go when they’re old and broken down? Florida.

Who is the biggest burden on the federal system? The people that are old and broken down.

What is the most messed up scheme ever devised by man, destined to fail in a matter of years? Social Security.

What state is repeatedly demolished by mother nature? Florida.

When the Earth detects an imbalance, doesn’t it always fight back and try to restore the norm? Of course it does.

The hurricanes that keep hitting Florida are obviously mother Earth fighting back to save Social Security.

There. I’ve said it. Obviously, this theory is still in it’s infancy, but I think it has some definite promise. If we can just somehow get Florida to fall off into the ocean, we will have all the Social Security reform we need.

I think I may have inadvertently stumbled across the thing that’s been foiling economists for years. Mother Earth. Yes, the old gal plays a bigger part in the economy than we give her credit for. Natural disasters are always good for the economy, but I never considered this particular form of helpfulness. (ie Killing the people that drain the economy…)

Granted, we also need to figure out how to get rid of Arizona and New Mexico, but those could be tougher. Our only hope is that Mexico invades and captures those states. Somehow I doubt they want to take on the extra burden of taking care of the old and infirmed, so we can pretty much rule out the Mexican invading force.

Did you know that your lovely congressman/woman does not have the Social Security that we know and love so much? No, they voted to get themselves off of Social Security, and devised a lucrative plan that will earn them millions on retirement. You think it would still be messed up if they had to have the same lousy benefits that we get? Heck no.

Unfortunately, it’s pretty tough to vote their plan down, since they are the ones that get to vote.

Oh well.

  41 comments for “Social Security Is Saved

  1. BJD
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: BJD What I love is how all of the people in Florida think it’s ridiculous to live in the midwest because of tornadoes. Not only are hurricanes much worse than tornadoes, but one of the recent hurricanes as a bonus spun off a bunch of tornadoes. And you’ve got people there who can’t even figure out how to vote. I remember one very elderly man testifying before the Florida house of representatives after the 2000 election, saying “I think I accidentally voted for George Bush and I want to know what you’re going to do about it.” Based on your commentary, I think the answer to that question is obvious.

  2. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: mentalimages I’m from Arizona you bastard.

  3. Meg
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Meg Thanks for the reassurance Incredipete. I was worried.

  4. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf i would like the thank Incredipete from the bottom of my great rack for NOT deleting wendy’s ramblings before i could read them … most entertaining … and good to know that it only takes one six pack to get wendy loaded …ah – to be that young again! (teehee)

  5. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy (Completely Sober) Okay, I’m an ass. What can I say? Let me extend an incrediapology to Incredipete for the incoherent ramblings above. Looks like I may have been having a little too much fun last night.

  6. Wen
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wen Isn’t drinking and typing illegal in some states? I wish I was drinking, but tomorrow I gotta go work with the guy from “Almost Famous”.

  7. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: wendy I would like to repoat a crime. Some effing buddy is signing under my nizame. Brian shall get me another beerer. He is my friend. Fer shure. And I can dig it. Holla!

  8. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Dont all you fuckers wish you were here? Brian trise to confuse. I willnot drink the scothc scotch noe more. it is not mi friend. Huh?

  9. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy I am now German.

  10. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Brian has the hic em hups. He wanted to say something but he don’t remember what is was. Thank God Jackie is sober or otherwise we might embarass oursellllves. I am doing good for aheinf had 5 Sam Adams and a finger of fifteen tear old scotch.

  11. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: wendy this is Wendy for real. How dare you call me drunk? That quetion mark is a bio find sometimes. Oh, eff it I am too freakin drunk to know wjat the sht i am syine

  12. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Jackie YAY little sister–you are hype.

  13. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Wow, Jackie. You need to put your drunkass cousin to bed before she messes herself.

  14. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: your incredibly adorable little sister Actually, the dork known as Incredipeter put up that last one by “YIALS”. I would never be that nice to my incredibly adorable older brother. Actually, I probably just wouldn’t cut his grass. I don’t like grass.

  15. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy I know dammit. I updated fuckers.

  16. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Huh? I’m gonna pee on myself. It’s the thing about the Florida shit right? And then he added the dog later.

  17. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy yeah,like I had my big brother AND my little brother cutting my grass today.(note to readers–Jackie is typing–verbatim –for drunk ass Wendy) ok thiinxs.Well who the hell’s page are we on. What the fuck is Incredipete talking about today? It’s the thing about hum—fuck you I know. Oh oh the joinkster. Am I right? Am I right? It’s the Florida thingy. Oh shit I gotta pee. Ya’ll are not my friends.

  18. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Jackie Little sister–don’t do it! You are too nice—make dude work for you! Big brothers are supposed to take care of little sisters. Tell him to take you shopping and buy you new shoes.

  19. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: your incredibly adorable little sister Incredipete, I’ll mow your grass for free, just because you’re so great! All you have to do is just come pick me up, because I can’t drive, and, uh… don’t have a car or a license…

  20. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete You’ll mow my grass for five bucks!? You’re on! Abby is the sweetest. Meg, you’re not crazy… I added that picture after the fact. Sorry.

  21. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Note To Self: Email Address…

  22. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Eron Incredipete..Incredipete..I will mow the lawn that abby is sitting on for five dollars. Come on, come on..you know you want to give in.

  23. Meg
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Meg How did I miss that picture the first 20 times? I mean… the first time I stopped by here?? She’s beautiful babe!

  24. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Abby Christine is as beautiful as her name. She is lucky to have you.

  25. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: warcrygirl Awwww, Abbey is such a cutie!

  26. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT Florida has what is known as a bi-modal distribution. Meaning that half of the people are old. And the other half are hot cuban women. Have you been to Miami? Have you seen the pictures? I personally think that it is those Hispanic Hotties that are keeping Florida from becoming the US oldfolks penal colony.

  27. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Teets I once saw a pie chart of the federal budget and welfare was by far the biggest slice.

  28. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Jackie I updated. Yes, I will pimp my ownself out.

  29. Meg
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Meg You know, I’d be more than happy to send all the people here down there for you, just so you have an unlimited supply. Wait, that means we’d have less than 100 people here and we can’t have that!

  30. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf if all the people on welfare were euthanized – i wouldn’t have a job – so can we keep some .. at least in atlanta?

  31. Meg
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Meg Of course you’re fair about it. I mean, the only people who shouldn’t be euthanized are the middle/high class americans who actually put something back into the economy. I’m just sayin….

  32. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy No, Incredipete. Tell us how you “really” feel. 🙂

  33. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete I think people on welfare should be euthanized. At least I’m fair about it.

  34. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Jackie People on welfare suck us dry too. What natural disaster awaits them? What? You know I ‘m just mad to be a work on a sunny friday.

  35. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Is the e-mail broke down again?

  36. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf i do my part to help you out Incredipete by jumping REAL hard on the state line everytime i go to south georgia … to try and help florida break clean off.

  37. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: warcrygirl I have to disagree with you there, Incredipete. My grandma lives directly in the path of Ivan (and Charley) and she’s old and broken down. However, she pays her own medical bills. Plus there are people there who live there full time and are not old or broken down, and some of them even speak English! My theory: God has now registered as a Democrat.

  38. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: sassykk And what’s the deal with all of us youg and cool people in the carolina’s and virginia the get creamed by hurricanes too? I guess when I get my panties out of my brain (thank you Incredipete for that brilliant suggestion, it has cleared up so many issues. My Doctors are AMAZED)anyway… once I get Vicky’s Secret out of my brain I ‘ll be able to figure a bunch of shit out….what peace.

  39. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy So what is going on in the great state of Kansas that makes Mother Nature attack it over and over with tornadoes? Y’all must not be livin right!

  40. Meg
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Meg Wait, could it be?? I’m FIRST!!! Whoo hoo!! *doing that same little dance*

  41. Meg
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Meg I’ve been saying for ages that if we just had mass exodus of the old and broken we’d all have more than enough to retire on. Now, all we have to do is get enough people to believe that we’re not just crazy/angry people who want nothing more than to pick out one group of people and get rid of them. Oh wait… That’s exactly what we want to do! Well give me a mustache and call me Hitler! (Kidding. Well, only kinda)

Comments are closed.