Short Man’s Syndrome

Today I had the pleasure of interviewing a strange little man. I call him that because he was, well… strange, and little. He was on the smallish side, and decided to compensate by having a personality as defective as it was large.

This brings up an interesting topic.

Why is it that short guys try to act so macho? Short women don’t act macho. Normal sized people don’t generally try to act macho. If you’re tall, you can act wussy and no one thinks any less of you…

So I did a little poll. The sample wasn’t very big (I asked a short friend of mine), so I can’t speak to the statistical accuracy of the following information. Let’s just say for the sake of argument that my sample is big enough to infer the findings to the population at large. The following is a transcript of my poll with my short friend, hereafter called “Les.”

Incredipete: So, Les, what’s it like living your life with everyone looking down on you… literally?

Les: Listen jerkwad, I’ll kick your ass, you big wussy.

Incredipete: So what you’re saying is that society places a premium on size, as evidenced by the fact that the average president of the US is 6’9″?

Les: I’ll kick the president’s wussy butt, too!

Incredipete: Why do you feel compelled to talk with so much machismo?

Les: Listen bub, don’t you use your fancy college words on me. I’m three times as smart, and 9 times tougher than you!

Incredipete: Would you say that it makes you bitter when everyone talks to me but doesn’t notice that you’re there?

Les: Everybody likes me! I’m 500 times more popular than you are, you stupid sob!

Incredipete: How do you explain your unnatural desire to pump iron 5 hours a day? Isn’t it moot since I can still beat you up and I don’t ever exercise?

Les: What the…! I could kick your butt with both my arms and both my legs tied behind my back.

Incredipete: When a woman takes one look at you and starts laughing, how does that make you feel?

Les: I have more women than you’ll ever have, Incredipete. Women know I’ve got it going on, punk.

Incredipete: How do you explain the fact that I’ve had more dates in the past year than you have?

Les: Man, I have at least 3 dates every day. You must be some kind of a moron. I’m going to take you outside and whoop your sissy ass.

Incredipete: Well, thanks Les. You’ve done a fantastic job of reinforcing every stereotype I had of short men.

Les: SHORT! What are you talking about. I’m at least 10 inches taller than you! What are…. (click)


Thank god that phone call ended.

  11 comments for “Short Man’s Syndrome

  1. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: hotcarl Excellent observations, but did you notice the Napolean complex seems to fade the shorter one gets? Yes, it seems to be at its strongest in males heights 4’5″ – 5’6″. The smaller folks, the little people, you know, the circus midgets, they tend to have much better attitudes and screw lots of hot chicks.

  2. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Andy Being more along the statue of Joe Pesci, let me just say Fuck You Incredipete. I’ll kick your cocksucking ass, you fucking bastard.

  3. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: mousemilk Ah, Short Man Syndrome, Napoleon Complex, Pesci’s Disease. But I find shortarses tend to be the cheeky chappy rather than the tough guy. As fat women tend to be ‘bubbly’, i.e tedious.

  4. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: warcrygirl Andria, maybe Paris Hilton could carry him around in her shoulderbag?

  5. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wombat I’ve never understood the whole height thing anyway. I’, 5’9″ tall. I’ve dated women as short as 4’11” and as tall as 6’1″, before heels. I honestly don’t care, I don’t know why it matters so much to most people. I just prefer my ladies breathing, after that it’s all icing on the cake.

  6. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Nightmare Short man syndrome is a bane to the human race. I can’t stand the little banty rooster cocksuckers. They have that attitude because God puts the same amount of anger in everyone, and when you’re smaller it is concentrated and that causes you to be a complete ass pounding dork wad the size of a tea cup poodle.

  7. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Andria Hell no, Warcrygirl… he has little delicate hands that have never done hard work in their lives (no underpaid employee bitterness here). AND, at the Christmas party a few years ago, his ex wife got HAMMERED and told me and a few other co-workers that EVERYTHING is small.

  8. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: warcrygirl That or he has a really big dick. Does Napoleon have big hands?

  9. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Andria I have always preferred taller guys as well, but it’s not a deal breaker. And, an 8″ tongue can make up for A LOT. The owner of my company is about 5’5, and that’s generous. You have never heard so much screaming and yelling in your life as what comes out of this guy’s mouth. He is a little tyrant. However, he’s a little RICH tyrant, with a Playboy Playmate wife, so that Napoleon complex must have its advantages.

  10. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Well, my guess is that if you told a short man that piece of information, he’d tell you he did, even if it was only 1″.

  11. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: warcrygirl I never really dated short men, I just preferred tall men. Of course, anyone under 6′ is short to me. Now, if said short man had an 8″ tongue I could make an exception…

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