Interesting. So, the same semi-random topic has come up in THREE seperate conversations I’ve had this week with THREE seperate people.
It can’t be a coincidence, so I’m going to write about the topic (in sweeping generalizations, which is my preferred payload distribution method).
Is it wrong to keep a secret from a loved one if the following two things are true?
1. The secret will not harm the loved one in any way, and you aren’t doing anything that’s actually wrong
2. Telling the loved one will make them have feelings of… jealousy, sadness, or other negative feelings that might affect the relationship in spite of the fact you’re doing nothing wrong
It’s complicated. We’re taught to always be honest… “secrets don’t make friends” etc.
How about an example… a silly one… to illustrate the point. Jenna LOVES Michael Rosenbaum (Lex Luther – Smallville)… a lot. When I met her she had pictures up of him at work. Now, imagine that she actually KNOWS Michael Rosenbaum. She hasn’t TOLD him she likes him, but she does… Now she tells ME she likes him, and I KNOW she KNOWS him personally. So I get jealous, suspicous, maybe sad, depressed… and all along, she has NO intention of ever telling him she likes him, let alone actually do anything.
So, under that hypothetical situation, it would probably be best if she just didn’t tell me. It wouldn’t help anything, and it might actually cause problems.
But, you ask, what if you find out from someone ELSE that she likes him and knows him personally… what then?
Well, that’s unfortunately a worst-case scenario… because then it looks like you’re covering something up.
So tell me, is it better to cover up harmless things and risk looking like you’re covering it up, or is it better to be upfront and risk hurt feelings?
You’re the experts, not me…