This post was inspired by our erstwhile CIA chief’s fall from grace after his affair.
Secrets are rarely easy to keep and rarely helpful to have. Granted, most of us don’t have to worry about national security when we reveal a secret, but still.
Being secretive in normal life can lead to duality in a person’s character. What do I mean by that? Well, if a person really has character (being the same no matter where they are or who they’re with) doesn’t need to have secrets. They are who they are.
All of the news outlets have articles right under the Patraeus story talking about how to tell if you’re being cheated on. And they’re all stupid. Let me summarize their points: If the sex stops, that’s a sign. If they have hours of time they can’t account for there whereabouts, that’s a sign. If they start guarding their phone and computer with their life, that’s a sign.
And to that, can I say DUH.
I have been cheated on. There are a lot more signs than that. It turns out, most people, if not all people, are morons at hiding things like that. Some say it’s because they want to be caught. I say it’s because people suck at keeping secrets.
If you live a life in which you don’t NEED to keep secrets, then you avoid all of this. It’s pretty simple. Don’t do things unless you’d be comfortable with them being on the front page of the paper. If you feel shame for something you’re doing, or would feel shame if exposed, then don’t do it!
Mark Twain said two can keep a secret if one of them is dead. I disagree. One can’t even keep a secret… why do you think there are so many deathbed confessions?
When I met Nicole, I broke all convention by airing all of my dirty laundry with her on the first date (when I essentially had nothing to lose). I realize Dr. Drew would not approve. You can’t build trust when you keep things from each other, no matter how painful it may be to share (or hear) the dirt.
Be kind. Be ethical. Be faithful. Then you’ll have no worries.