Scary Stuff

As you know, I married my soulmate not too long ago. We both very much want to have more kids, so we’ve been working towards that goal. I’ve been taking an SSRI for years, and there was some concern that could be affecting me in that department. I bought a home test about a month ago and it came back negative (in other words, there’s a problem). I took another one, same result.

So we decided it best to consult a doctor.

I had a real test done and it came back “low” across the board. Low enough the odds of conception are around 4-5%. This came as an unpleasant surprise, but we decided to take it head on.

I was referred to a specialist to see if the problem was being caused by something other than medication. Shortly after meeting with the urologist, he quickly diagnosed a vascular problem. He said it was definitely the cause, but he was concerned.

It was on the right. Apparently the vast majority of men with this problem experience it on the left, and if it’s on the right, it frequently indicates renal cancer.

Neither Nicole nor I saw that possibility coming, so needless to say we were concerned.

I passed it up the prayer chain and hoped to be in the minority (folks that have it on the right from genetics, not cancer). I called several times to get my ultrasound moved up, and managed to get one yesterday afternoon.

My kidneys, bladder, blood flow are all perfect, and functioning as they should. No masses.

For about a day, I saw my life passing in front of my eyes. I’m super happy and I have a great life. I’m not ready to go anywhere just yet. I have kids to have and raise, a wife to see the world with and raise a family with. I have a 7 year old that needs me and thinks I’m awesome.

It refocused me. I’m so fortunate and blessed that it wasn’t something more sinister. Countless people get bad news every day, and I can’t imagine how devastating that is for them.

I firmly believe God has a bigger plan, and that for whatever reason, I’m gonna be around for a while. I can’t wait to see what He has in store for my family.

Sometime in the very near future I’ll have to have vascular surgery to repair the problem, but that’s “routine” surgery… just a couple days of being laid up. I actually can’t wait to get it done so we can get this show on the road.

Throughout it all, Nicole was by my side. For every appointment, every test. And her words of encouragement were huge – let go and give it over to God… He is in control. She asked me “do you really think God would bring together this family in such a dramatic way and then tear us apart?” I had to think about that… I don’t believe in a sadistic God, so I couldn’t imagine that was the deal.

I am in a really good place in my life right now. I know that trials, troubles, and sickness will come. But I know that I won’t have to go through any of it alone. That’s a good feeling.

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  3 comments for “Scary Stuff

  1. August 26, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    Scary Stuff indeed ! Glas to hear all is good. Keep your head up and continue to keep your eyes on the prize{ God and Family}

  2. August 26, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    So glad everything is going to be ok and also really glad you have such a supportive wife, I know first hand that having that love and support makes all the difference in trying and scary times!

  3. Dono
    August 29, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    …we decided to take it head on… just a couple days of being laid…I won’t have to go through any of it alone…Neither Petunia nor I saw that possibility coming…I am in a really good place…That’s a good feeling…

    If you are trying to tell us something, just be bold and say it. No need for you to hide behind all these paragraphs.

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