Sales People Lie (Or They’re Dumb)

Have you ever noticed that sales people will answer your question with a straight face even if they have no idea what you’re talking about?

This phenomenon is so common I now assume the sales weasel is just telling me what I want to hear.

I was filling out a corporate credit application and asked sales weasel who needed to sign it. He said “you can just sign it.” Partly, he may have assumed that was sufficient given my title at the company. However, I think the main reason he said it was I was the only person standing right there at the time, and it meant instant gratification for him.

It turns out this thing actually has to be signed by all of the corporate officers, the Pope, Bullwinkle the moose, and all of the deceased members of The Who.

Theoretically this sales weasel sells thousands of his products every year, and they aren’t the type of thing people pay cash for. So I’m guessing he’s seen at least… 200 of these applications in the past month. He MUST have known that the form required Bullwinkle’s signature (I didn’t even know a moose could hold a pen, but whatever).

But this happens all the time. “I need a product that can ________” Whatever you put in that blank, the sales weasel will tell you his product can do it. I used to think that sales weasels were just morons who’d never used the product, but now I’m quite sure they are weasels trying to scam customers.

When I bought my water heater, I told the sales guy I needed a water heater that could supply two showers, the washing machine, and the dishwasher simultaneously for 4 straight hours. I like long showers and so does Jenna. Don’t judge me… it’s my house and my money, and I’ll spend it on a monster water heater if I want.

The sales weasel promptly showed me three options that would do the trick. They were all uber-expensive, but I figured a once-every-10-year purchase was worth the money. However, not trusting the sales weasel, I met the actual installation guys at the door.

“I need my water heater to supply two showers, the washing machine, and the dishwasher simultaneously for 4 straight hours.” They both looked at each other, and then at the water heater they’d brought.

“Well sir, this isn’t going to do the trick.”

So I showed him the quote with the three options from the sales weasel.

“Ummm, sir, none of those water heaters will do what you need.”

So they proceeded to get their catalog out of the truck and pointed to the unit I needed. It was $400 LESS than the three options the sales weasel had presented.

Either the sales weasel didn’t know what the heck he was talking about (probable), or he was trying to scam me (also probable).

Never trust a sales person to tell the truth.

  5 comments for “Sales People Lie (Or They’re Dumb)

  1. June 30, 2009 at 10:17 am

    I didn’t even read this post. I just saw the title in the notification email and came here to say that it’s both – sales people lie AND they’re dumb.

  2. June 30, 2009 at 11:11 am

    You know who else lies? CHASE BANK!!! Jerks! I just called to report that I could not access my transactions online and they said (1) that *they* could see them just fine so clearly there was nothing wrong with their website; (2) there was nobody besides Customer Service who could help me so I was SOL; (3) no, they did not have an IT department … or a web host. When I subsequently talked to a supervisor she informed me that *their* system was not the same as the website (um, yeah I figured that!) and that she would email the “web dept” to find out what was going on. You know how you get a recording saying your call will be monitored and/or recorded? Well, since she was pretty snippy I told her that they weren’t the only ones who can record a phone conversation and wouldn’t it be interesting if I sent a recording to the president of their bank? She then warned me that if I *were* recording the conversation then she’d have to terminate the call. GREAT customer service.

  3. syn_ack89
    June 30, 2009 at 5:53 pm

    I used to have a joke that I told when I worked in IT.

    …Question: What’s the difference between a computer sales guy and a used car salesman. Answer: The used car salesman KNOWS that he’s lying.

  4. Theresa Robison
    June 30, 2009 at 10:49 pm

    Did you return the water heater to the weasel and purchase the one from the installers?

  5. Keith
    June 30, 2009 at 11:28 pm

    Why do we live in a society that worships paper? Why do you have to get every stupid thing in writing? Why? Why? Why? Stupid sales weasel sells you worthless junk. You try to take it back. They argue “you bought it!”

    My new plan, make stupid sales weasels sign a paper that says “Yes, I told [customer] product would do [insert lie] here.”

    Wait, better yet, “Yes, I told [customer] that for [PRICE] they would get a product that would [insert lie here].” Hmmm. .. now to get a really unscrupulous and not bright weasel. ..

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