I think we should pay people inversely according to the awesomeness of their job.

In this scenario, the lowest paid people on the planet would be demolition experts, because they get to blow stuff up all day long. That’s pretty much every guy’s dream job. I suggest a modest salary of $10,000 per year. In this way, we equalize the awesomeness in their lives by making them live in abject poverty.

Military and police would be second lowest, because the people that pursue these careers aren’t doing it for the money. They are doing it for the ability to shoot at people in a socially acceptable forum. I’m sure we can all relate to wanting to get to go around shooting people. A salary of $20,000 should suffice.

People who work in a cubical all day would make $500,000 per year, because no one would actually choose that on purpose.

The guy that cleans port-o-potties would make $1,000,000 per year.

Gynecologists would make $5,000,000 per year because the primary reason they exist is to look at hoohas that are oozing with infection, disease, pestilence, and yeast, and more than likely unkempt. The few that were clean and well groomed would hardly make it worthwhile.

Proctologists would make $10,000,000 per year under the assumption that of all the butts on the planet, there are probably only one or two you’d want to see up that close, and you’re probably married to that one.

Nuclear accident response team members would make $50,000,000, but only for the first year, because their life expectancy is so short.

Drum roll… the highest paid profession on Earth (which is a real profession) would earn a whopping $1,000,000,000 per year. Elephant sperm collector. I’m not making that profession up.

  5 comments for “Salaries

  1. January 8, 2013 at 9:47 pm

    I am one of the thousands that read your blog! Feel like I have known you for years!

  2. Christen Blando
    January 9, 2013 at 7:05 am


  3. January 9, 2013 at 10:06 am

    Oh Trish Mahurin. I’m sorry you have to be subjected to me! lol.

  4. January 9, 2013 at 10:07 am

    It’s a choice. 😉

  5. January 9, 2013 at 10:08 am

    Pretty much everything I’ve thought in the last 8 1/2 years is on there. It’s funny to go back and read now because I don’t agree with half of what I’ve written…

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