Road Rage & Cookie Rage

So, last night I purposed to have a really good evening. I wanted to relax, make some christmas cookies with my new mixer, and watch some World Poker Tour. I had a stressful day, to the point where my neck and back were aching before I even left the office.

I had to swing by and borrow the cookie gun from my mom, so I drove there, picked up the gun and recipe, and then went on to the grocery store to pick up what I needed. After picking up the groceries, I headed for home… it was around 6:30. Now… my commute on a normal day is about 45 minutes each way. I always hit the heavy rush hour on my commute home.

I started driving, and got to the light right before the highway. There are two lanes that go straight, a left turn lane, and a right turn lane. I was in the left of the two straight lanes with one car in front of me. (A “pimped” honda with two “tough” looking Mexicans… oh, I’m sorry… Latin Americans.)

The light turns green. They turn on their left turn signal and don’t pull out… even an inch. I honk.

They sit. It’s a two minute light cycle, so I really didn’t feel like missing it. All of the cars and the ambulance behind me started honking, too. You have to understand… this is one of the three busiest intersections in the entire city… there was no hope of ever getting over to the right lane to get by if you weren’t already in it. There was no chance of him ever getting an opportunity to make his illegal left turn. There were plenty of law abiding citizens that were actually using the turn lane.

So the light turns red. Now, I’m pretty unhappy. I know by looking at the traffic that he won’t be making his turn until around 8:00 PM when rush hour is completely over. By now, there are about 50 cars behind me, all of whom are honking, and many of whom are yelling out their windows.

The light turns green… he sits. More honking, people desperately trying to get over. Of everyone in line, I have the least chance of getting over, because I’m the closest to him. The light turns red.

By this time, I can feel the anger and stress as my chest tightened. The veins in my head started bulging, because I can see that one block down the road, he can get into the turn lane and do a U-turn. The light turns green. The ambulance flashes its lights and sirens. They sit.

The light turns red. I’m starting to come out of my skin, wishing I had my Beretta with me. The light turns green, he sits. The entire intersection is chaos as people continue to risk life and limb to get out of the line. The light turns red again.

*SNAP*

That was the sound of Incredipete snapping, losing all common sense, and probably having a small aneurism.

*Incredipete throws car door open, to the cheers of everyone behind me in line*

*Incredipete storms up to pimpmobile and pounds on the window*

*Hoodlum cracks open the window*

I looked at him and said “IF YOU DON’T GO THROUGH THE NEXT GREEN LIGHT AND GO TURN AROUND SOMEWHERE ELSE, I’M GOING TO RAM YOUR PIECE OF CRAP HONDA THROUGH THE INTERSECTION!”

Then I calmly walked back to my car and got in. They went through the next green light. The guy in the ambulance gave me two thumbs up.

Total time wasted behind hoodlum: 10 Minutes

So, I finally get home, carry in all of the groceries, and go find Jenna. Jenna needs me to run to the store. I can’t start the cookies because she wants to help, so I agree to go.

So I go get back in my stressmobile, do the errand, come back and cook dinner.

We ate, and by that time it was 9:30. I went to the kitchen to start the cookies, and after finishing the dough, I say “Hey, Jenna… the dough’s ready, lets make some cookies!”

No answer.

“Jenna, everything’s ready to go, don’t you want to help?”

No answer.

*Incredipete looks around the corner into the living room*

No Jenna.

Jenna had surreptitiously gone to bed.

So now I had 40 metric tons of dough, a preheated oven, a complete disaster of a kitchen, and the pleasure of my own company.

I cooked a batch of cookies, but my heart wasn’t in it anymore. I was tired and just wanted to sleep.

I put the rest of the dough in the fridge, cleaned the kitchen, which took another hour and a half, and then fell asleep on the couch until about 4:00 AM. I finally dragged my sorry butt to bed, but the damage was done… my neck fricking HURTS!

Next time I think it’s a good idea to make cookies, remind me I’m an idiot.

  12 comments for “Road Rage & Cookie Rage

  1. December 15, 2005 at 11:02 am

    I know you don’t need to hear this, but it’s stories like that one that remind me of how happy I am that we moved. No more of that traffic shit for me!

  2. December 15, 2005 at 11:17 am

    Traffic sucks.

  3. December 15, 2005 at 11:40 am

    Incredipete, don’t ever come to California. You’ll go on a murderous rampage in a matter of minutes.

  4. December 15, 2005 at 11:47 am

    Kansas ranks pretty high in road rage incidents, actually. I think it’s because we’re usually all so nice, it builds up and we take it out in traffic.

  5. December 15, 2005 at 12:24 pm

    Hell, in this town I bet I could have yelled at that person by name. That’s what happens when you live in a small town. Well, that and the hillbillies on parade.

    You want stress-free? Next time bake and build gingerbread houses…

  6. December 15, 2005 at 12:28 pm

    LOL you found a little of my road rage and I think it suits you.

  7. Rik
    December 15, 2005 at 6:11 pm

    Andria is right. There approximately 1.6 cars per every man,woman, and child in California. If it rains, (or even just a little cloudy) the roads turn to parking lots. Just a while ago, someone jumped out of a car on the freeway…i live 5 miles from work (don’t even have to get on the freeway) and it took me an hour to get to work.

  8. December 16, 2005 at 6:35 am

    i think you managed the hoodlums marvellously. did they attempt to give you any reason why they were behaving like complete fuckwits?

  9. December 16, 2005 at 9:42 am

    No, mainly they just slinked back into their “laid back” seats.

    It’s 10 degrees, you’d think that would be too cold to be wearing a wife-beater… oh well.

  10. December 17, 2005 at 2:26 am

    Whoooooooo is the man, who can make the Mexicans stop blockin’ traffic?

    PETE!

    Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn riiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
    He’s a BAD mutha-

    SHUTCHOE MOUF!

  11. December 17, 2005 at 5:43 am

    You are not an idiot. I would slay a mythical fire-breathing beast if I thought I would get some cookies out of it.

  12. December 18, 2005 at 6:36 pm

    I say make the cookes screw the traffic. People in the south just generally don’t know how to drive. The roads get icy and they think it gives them permission to use every day streets as a Nascar track. *rolls eyes* Idiots. People don’t do that in the north. =)

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