I have spent a large unfortunate chunk of my adult life reading resume’s, and over the course of time, I’ve collected several very funny SNAFUs.
Guess what. If you have a SNAFU on your resume’, you aren’t going to get hired. 99% of the time I stop reading as soon as I see a problem…. spelling, grammar, punctuation or just plain stupid mistakes.
For instance, a recent resume’ I read listed their salary requirement as $3,500 per year. Now, I’m sure $3,500 per year might be enough to live on, if you happened to live in Bulgaria, Iraq, or West Virginia… but it’s certainly not enough to live anywhere else.
She might have been a freaking genius who happened to slip while she typed because she was distracted by thoughts of her doctoral dissertation the next day… it matters not. I stopped reading as soon as I saw the number. I considered setting up an interview and offering her the job, at $3,500 per year. But I quickly decided it wasn’t funny to play a practical joke on a complete stranger.
Another favorite was someone who had a heading labeled in beautiful bold print: “Currant Experience.” I expected to see Smuckers listed as the previous employer. But alas, she actually had NO experience with currants that I could derive from her resume’.
Possibly the most ironic typo ever found on a resume’ was one that read: “I am highly detail oriented and meticulous. I am an excellent speler and have good grammar also.” I kid you not. And the irony was compounded by the very next sentence: “Language – English: Fluent – Full Knowledge.” I laughed my butt off for 10 minutes. Then I stuck her resume’ into my file (to maintain full compliance with the law) labeled “dumbass.”
The dumbass file is bursting at the seams. (or should I say “seems”) It never ceases to amaze me the way people are sloppy with their resume’.
And here’s another thing… Don’t make your resume’ more than 3 pages unless you’re an academic (ie “professor”). No one cares jack freaking squat about the 19 restaurants you waited at while you were going through college. No one cares to hear the details of your waiting jobs…. “Showed guests to table. Gave guests silverware.”
Not impressed. Just keep it simple, short, and to-the-point. No typos. If you’re a dumbass, then have someone proofread the stupid thing. If your friends are all dumbasses, too… send it to incrediIncredipete@comcast.net. I’d be happy to save some poor hiring manager from having to read your crap.
Thanks for caring.