Queer Designer for the Bored Housewife

Well, here I am, still feeling el sicko. I wasn’t going to update, but I noticed that someone had followed Google search to my site for, I’m not making this up…. “Incredipeter Lucas Sex Pictures.” I snorted when I read it. What a way for someone to find my site.

When I stepped out of bed this morning, my toe… well… it squirted. I don’t remember if I mentioned the toe breakage. But yes, I snapped my little toe a few days ago, and the nail fell out, and it’s black. Now, it’s bleeding, too. My sock was soaked through. Totally…. gross. Glad I could share it with all of you.

The wind outside my house has been blowing all day. I don’t mean the trees are waving nicely in the Fall breeze. I mean, parts of my house are being ripped off and thrown through my neighbor’s windows. The gusts are in the 60-80 MPH range. I have found since moving South of the city that the wind is much crazier. Before I moved, I don’t remember ever noticing any major wind.

Every time it gusts really violently, my dogs both spaz in their sleep.It really freaks me out when they start twitching in their sleep, or their legs move like they’re running. Weird.

And let me say for the record that daytime TV is meager at best. They don’t even show interesting shows on Discovery or TLC during the day. TLC keeps showing some “Queer Designer for the Bored Housewife” show… where they try to surprise the husband while he’s out. Umm… let me give you a hint, TLC. The taste of a housewife and/or a gay designer probably have little or nothing to do with what the typical man would decorate his house with. I hate to generalize… oh wait. No I don’t hate to generalize. I like to generalize everything. So here goes. For instance… if I could decorate my perfect house, here is what it would look like:

White walls, white carpet. White drapes. Black leather couch, loveseat, and recliner. 72″ Plasma screen as the centerpiece. Absolutely no pillows anywhere. Glass coffee table. Lots of lighting. Black and white photos on the walls.

I don’t think that makes me boring. But I definitely like simplicity in design. I like black and white. They’re my favorite colors. Ok, technically black isn’t a color, but you know what I mean.

If my house has color, it’s only because a woman recommended it, and told me it would give me better success with the ladies that come to visit. And as soon as I’m able to afford it, my house will be done completely in the style I just described. I should probably wait until after my puppies stop chewing furniture.

Of course, I could watch soap operas, but frankly, I’d rather bleed myself with leeches. They have almost as much depth as the gene pool in West Virginia. “Oh, Buck. You’re so brave and handsome. But we can never be together, because I have cancer.” “That’s ok, Chrissy. I have cancer, too.” Good grief.

The only other option is reruns of Star Trek TNG. And yes, that’s a much better option. I forgot how incredibly overt the philosophy was on that show. The first time I watched it, I was young and impressionable. Now, I’m crusty and opinionated, and the humanistic, liberal ideals of the show drive me batty. But Counselor Troi is still smokin’ hot, so I deal with it.

I’ve decided that next time I get the flu, I’m going to go ahead and go to work. There’s nothing better to do here, and that way, I have the added advantage of being able to exercise my rights of “legal germ warfare.”