Sometimes I wonder if my priorities are right. I don’t mean God, family, work in that order. I think that goes without saying. I mean the day to day stuff.
For example, Im a bit OCD and I usually clean before I do anything else. But should I actually be playing with Lu or sitting face to face talking with Nicole or calling a friend instead? I think I tend to put too much emphasis on being responsible in the sense I get tasks done, but not spending my time making the biggest impact.
I know that when I do things around the house it’s appreciated, but how much more important is connecting with each other? Lu wants my time and attention. I don’t want to miss out on that. On the other hand, she needs to see me being an example of responsibility.
I guess the feeling I have is that I am giving 100% but I’m an unguided missile. I only have so many chips to spend each day and once they’re spent I can’t get them back.
You don’t always have to defer enjoyable things until after the work is all done. But that’s what I do. I have laser focus on getting work done and so I tell Lu, no, I will play with you when I’m done. Next thing I know it’s bedtime and I never spent time with her.
And yes, I know I need to give myself a break. I have to take it a day at a time. But aside from my relationship with God, Nicole and Lu are THE priority. Lu needs me to be the best daddy I can be, and if I don’t make her a high priority, what will that teach her about herself? Nicole deserves the best husband I can possibly be. If I don’t do that, where does that leave her?
It’s so easy in life to become stuck in an endless cycle of routine daily nonsense and lose track of what really matters. I don’t know how to stop that from happening without consciously making that the focus. The messes will always be there when I get back to them. My leftover work from my job will be waiting for me. There will always be 100 other things I could be doing instead of focusing on my family. Bad plan.
I will become a better man, daddy and husband every day. One day at a time.