I should mention right off the bat that I’m wearing pink today. It’s the kind of pink that makes people walk buy and think “Dang, Incredipete sure does look manly and secure in that pink shirt!” And this brings me to the common misperceptions people have about me.
1. Incredipete is a feyg – Not true, as can be confirmed by any number of women. Okay, not “any number,” but there are a couple that would testify on my behalf.
2. Incredipete is a jerk – This isn’t true either. I’m opinionated, and I like to make people think, but that doesn’t mean I’m a jerk. I just like annoying people here on IP. The fact is, I’m very very nice to my friends and family, and people that know me personally know that I’m a creampuff…. crusty on the outside, but gooey on the inside.
3. Incredipete is a loser – I know on the surface this may appear to be the case. I can’t seem to find or maintain a meaningful relationship. I spend most of my time alone rather than out mingling. I like to sit at my computer 20 hours a day. But, I’m also successful in business, educated, and financially independent. Independent even from the biggest evil on earth… credit cards.
4. Incredipete is ugly – Ok, fine… this one’s true.
5. Incredipete discriminates unfairly – I say “unfairly” because it is completely legitimate to be “discriminating” if you are using good criteria. I’m frequently accused of discriminating against old people, ugly people, women… and the fact is, those aren’t the criteria I use. I discriminate based on intelligence, personality, and of course, bad breath.
6. Incredipete wants to hook up with married women – This misconception comes from the fact that I have several friends who are indeed married women. Some of them were not married when I met them, and married someone else in spite of having someone of such awesomitude as myself for a friend. This is not my fault or my problem, and I’m ok with this fact, because if I wanted to marry them, I would have gotten with them when they were still fricking single and hadn’t met their husbands yet. In reality, women tend to be good communicators, and have a different perspective on most things than I do which I find interesting. Married women are particularly suited for friendship, because they have qualities which many single women (not all) lack, such as maturity, stability, and soberness. (By which I mean “not drunk.”)
7. Incredipete is an idiot – Ok, you could look at certain things I’ve done, and certain portions of my transcripts and come to this conclusion. You would, however, have to discount the majority of things I’ve done, and a majority of my transcripts. You cannot determine idiocy by looking at one short period in someone’s life. Everybody has idiotic phases. People that are true idiots are idiots for life.
8. Incredipete is an anal-retentive freak – While I do spend vast amounts of time organizing things, I do not ever wash my hands. I think we can all agree that someone with clinical OCD would not be able to say that.
9. Incredipete doesn’t care about the less fortunate – Well, this also probably stems from my extreme rantings on Conservatism. However, what this doesn’t take into account is the things I do for people that I don’t talk about, which are duly noted in my 1040 schedule A. Again, you can’t assume that a person is one dimensional, unless of course they’re John Kerry.
10. Incredipete can dish it out but can’t take it – I agree that I can dish it out. I also agree that I can’t take it. But let’s define the terms. I dish out vast helpings of totally generalized, broad insults. I pick on individual people that are complete strangers, and in the public eye. I can’t take it when someone personally attacks me for whatever reason. If I’ve done something to offend, then tell me. That’s what we do. But if you’re upset because you fit into a broadly generalized group I’ve talked about… chances are I wasn’t talking about you. For you to turn it around into something personal is not only moronic, it’s wrong. I dish it out to large undefined groups, not to individuals… unless they dish out personal stuff first… That’s likely why I get told I can dish it but can’t take it. Well… now we can all agree it’s true.
This concludes today’s broadcast.