Pimp-Master Incredipete

What the eff is with rappers?

Ok, I’m not making a racial commentary here, because white rappers have the same problem.

I made the mistake of listening to the “rap” station here in KC on my way to work today. It seems that all rap lyrics consist of the following scheme:

1. Talk about how great I am.

2. Talk about how all other rappers suck.

3. Cuss.

4. Talk about being a pimp.

5. Talk about how I’m misunderstood.

6. Tell everyone to eff off.

Do I have it? I think that about sums up the rap scene.

Because of it’s simplicity, I’ve decided to write my own rap lyrics, to the tune of… well crap… rap doesn’t have a tune…

Incredipete’s Rap:

My name is Pimpin Incredipete,
And I’m the man.
My head is silky smooth
and it’s got a tan.

The other DLand Posers
think that they’re real cool.
But yo homey g,
All they do is drool.

I like to @#$#$$,
and I like to @#$@ @#$#$.
Sometimes I @!#$@#$ like
to @#$@# @#$@#$ and @#$@#.

All the hoes like to be
around big pimpin Incredipete.
They all know I gots
fo dem a big ole treat.

Other people talk smack
about poor ole me.
I guess I’ll just have to
smoke some weed and find my chi.

I have one more message
for my Dland posse.
Eff off now,
and I’ll stop being bossy.

Thanks for caring, homeslice.

——————————————————————————–

In other news, did you know that your odds of winning the Missouri Powerball are less than the odds of being killed by a yak…on Ash Tuesday? It’s true. I don’t understand why people throw their money away on it.

It’s a tax on people that can’t do math, and it’s always the people that CAN’T afford it that play it. People that have a decent income don’t play the lottery, because they know it’s a waste of a dollar. That very attitude is what allows them to have a decent living. People that throw their money away on the lottery probably are not very good financial planners, if you get my drift.

People always say “Incredipete, you can’t win if you don’t play.” That’s dumb. At least I still have my dollar.

Besides, it’s a statistical fact that in order to win the lottery, you have to be a toothless trailer-living 87 year old. They win the lottery and instantly die before they have a chance to write a will, so the money goes right back into the system.

Quit being greedy and stupid. Be smart and get a job. Stop trying to find the easy way out. There is no easy way out.

  55 comments for “Pimp-Master Incredipete

  1. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Teets I also joined the ring so now we are all a happy family, right? I am red headed. Does this mean I will be unloved at the family reunion?

  2. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Kalisa “Find my chi”- Incredipete, that was awesome!

  3. Wen
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wen Well Wendy, it is possible that you WERE directing the comment towards me, or I could just be slipping into a paranoid delusion.

  4. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: warcrygirl Oh yeah, thanks for letting me join your Incrediring. I totally feel, like, loved and all. 🙂

  5. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: warcrygirl I like some rap/hiphop, mostly because I like to shake my ass. However, ALL country western makes my brain bleed.

  6. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: kaki321 have you ever gone over a friend’s house to eat and the food just ain’t no good? I mean the macaroni’s soggy, the peas are mushed and the chicken tastes wood. If that isn’t pure talent, I don’t know what is. Although, I think the bad-ass funk singer that sings with my dad’s jazz/funk band at the Motor City Casino in Detroit is better than most artisits, of any Genre, out there now. She just didn’t know or blow anyone yet to get her break. Barbara Love rocks!

  7. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: mental I’m 62% sure that anything i comment on has been discussed and dissected all to hell by now.

  8. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy How interesting that you found my comment to be directed at you, Wen. I wonder what that could mean….

  9. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT Dear Gracy,

  10. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf y’all gonna make me go all out up in here up in here ….y’all gonna make me act a fool up in here up in here…

  11. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: wilberteets You’ve all forced me to post my favorite rap lyrics: “You wack, you twisted, your girl’s a ho, you’re broke, the kid ain’t yours, and e’rybody know.” From DMX. Ya’ll gonna make me lose my mind up in here, up in here.

  12. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Kathy Apparently the Marquee feature works with Netscape 7.2. (Either that or my eyes are spinning rapidly around in my head!!!)

  13. Wen
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wen No, Wendy. I actually don’t try at all…

  14. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Gracy HRT I’m not hatin and I’m not ignorant. That was the dictionary definition of music not mine. Just because somebody does not like some thing does not make then ignorant. No hard feelings, have a great day.

  15. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: your adorable little sister i have the feeling, Incredipeter, that you’ll make it big in the rap scene quite soon. those were some quality lyrics. Ah, I’m no fan of rap. However, most people wouldn’t be a fan of what i listen to, so…

  16. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Do people just try their hardest to tick me off? I’m just askin’……

  17. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete I’m very impressed at your astuteness, Wendy!

  18. Wen
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wen “Mean people suck” Yes, but nice people swallow.

  19. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Jackie You also changed your quote. Anyway, your “rapping” scared me a little. It had to be said. It’s only fair that I tell you. On the nicer side—this is the first page I came to when I was free of the slave pit.

  20. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy kaki321 rocks!

  21. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Seven highly intelligent people.

  22. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: kaki321 lmao, I mean “rappin” to the beat. white girls can’t rap period

  23. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: kaki321 I said a-hip hop, the hibby to the hibbidy hip hip hop you don’t stop rockin to the bang bang boggie said up jump the boogie to the rhythm of the boogidy beat…now what you hear is not a test, I’m rockin to the beat…

  24. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete I have this awesome rack in my garage that I hang all of my garden tools on. But I don’t have rockin hair.

  25. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf bored perhaps. but with rockin hair and a great rack.

  26. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete 7 very bored people…

  27. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT It’s not really that weird Wen. all 134 comments were by the same 7 people.

  28. Wen
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wen For all you old school rap aficinados my friends are producing a documentary called “There’s a God on the Mic” directed by Kool Mo Dee (who also wrote a book with the same title) about the greatest lists of rappers- all interviews and whatnot. It should be very cool, look for it in 2005.

  29. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT Damn kid you trying to make me marry you? I LOVE “The Show”!!!!

  30. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy “It’s the double dutch bus coming down the street. Movin’ pretty fast so kinda shuffle yo feet (schuka schuck) Get on the bus, pay your fair and tell the driver that you’re goin to a double dutch affair….”

  31. Meg
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Meg I think you’re stats for the lottery in Misery (haha) are just as accurate for Texas. Then again, like you said, we’ve got all the lawyers…

  32. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT Why you hatin’ Gracy? You’re just ignorant.

  33. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Gracy Rap Is not music it was created by people who wanted to be in the music business but have no musical talent. The dictionary defines music as “Vocal or instrumental sounds having some degree of rhythm, melody, and harmony” Rap has rhythm but no harmony and melody. It is also defined as “Aesthetically pleasing or harmonious sounds or a combination therof”. Well thats my humble opinion.

  34. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: warcrygirl Yo homeskillet, don’t forget the ‘I wanna kill my momma’ rap, along with my personal fave, Kill the Whitey. In order to win the CA lottery you have to be a non-English speaking immigrant on welfare. Single wide trailer is optional.

  35. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf 3 words. Sugar Hill Gang.

  36. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete I must admit, I am a fan of the Nelly. His country twang and fast rap make me giddy, and I actually purchased all of his albums. And I like the old school rap, like when it first started going mainstream in the 80’s. Run DMC et al. But the current stuff is total crap.

  37. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT Eminenemy is aight, but my black friends tell me that the best rappers are all underground and you’ll never see them on MTV. But of the sell-out rappers Jay-Z probably gets some of the most props. Just not by the hardcore fanatics.

  38. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf but i’m saving for a bling covered bra for my training seminar … maybe after that … and you incredilove me anyway!

  39. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Sorry maf, you caught me mid-comment. You are indeed an honorary member of the ring. Although you need to stop spending all your money on bling bling and getcha that DLand account. 54 bucks a year is a small price to pay for all of the incredi-virtual-love.

  40. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete His lyrical genius is surpassed only by his huge vocabulary. (By huge, I mean he knows the F word)

  41. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf hum…like the rap .. but then again, i’m a middle class white girl from the suburbs…although i do know my fair share of it … and yes, there was not enough mention of the 40 or the bootie … and i’m on blogger – cause the comments are FREE … and i’m cheap….. but i’ll consider myself an honorary ring member – cause it makes me feel better!

  42. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! EMINEM: “I’m slim shady yes I’m the real shady. All you other slim shadys are just imitating. So won’t the real slim shady please stand up? Please stand up.”

  43. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete HEY, my rap is 127% better than anything Eminenema has ever come up with. Granted, that’s not saying much.

  44. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Bess I am 99.9% sure that you do NOT have a future in Rap. . . anywhere in the world. Stay in school!

  45. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete My brother told me a joke, and I’m seriously considering having him institutionalized. Here it is:

  46. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT Incredipete, I found that joke 27% funnier than your usual jokes.

  47. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Thanks for noticing. Sorry to the Netscape users, the Marquee feature is not available in Netscape, and not available to IE users below 2.0.

  48. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy By the way. The crawling “Gutless Hate Mail” at the top of your diary is cute. Not as cute as you, but cute.

  49. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Did you know that 84% of statistics are made up on the spot?

  50. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT Here’s another couple of stats for ya:

  51. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: mental Actually, speaking as someone who is not only from the Hollywood area, but visited it last week, i think the rap quality is that of Hollywood stature. My only suggestion would be to thrown in a few more $@%!*#’s and some talk about big delicious booties. Peace out.

  52. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Oh, joy!

  53. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete No, you’re not going to win the lottery.

  54. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy By the way. What do I get for being first?

  55. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Yo L L cool P. That was a very fine rap attempt. But I regret to inform you that you are not going to Hollywood. Sorry pimpmeister.

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