Old People Are Like Old Dogs

If there’s one thing I’ve noticed about age is that as age increases, ability to comprehend things goes down drastically.

Find me a 6 year old that can’t download and install a computer program. I’ll wait.

You couldn’t find one, could you? That’s because downloading and installing a computer program is among the simplest tasks known to man. I could train my dog to do it, and she hasn’t even learned to poop outside yet.

Now, find me a 55 year old that CAN download and install a computer program. Once again, I’ll wait.

So you found one that claims to be able to? Go ahead, let them install a program on your computer. I’ll wait.

Alright, now that you’ve located a new computer to finish reading, let’s continue.

The 55+ year old broke your computer. Meanwhile the 6 year old has uninstalled their program because they didn’t like it and have found a better program using a Google search and have successfully installed it.

Let me give you a small sampling of the questions I’ve been asked (repeatedly) the past 90 days:

“How do I change the font color in my email?”

“Should I update Windows when it tells me it has a critical update?”

“My computer won’t update, will you come and do it for me?”

“The fax machine isn’t working” (HINT: The phone line has been out since April….)

“I’m trying to buy something online but I can’t get it to work” (HINT: Try filling out the requested information and hitting “submit”)

“Can you just print out all of my email for me?” (HINT: NO)

“I can’t get this Internet video to play” (HINT: Try clicking the FLASHING BAR at the top of your browser that says “In order to play this content, you need to install….”)

“The fax machine isn’t working” (No kidding, moron)

“How do I change the font size in my email?” (HINT: Very similarly to the way you change the color)

“How do I change the font color in my email?”

And this goes on and on for weeks until I’m ready to eat the business end of a shotgun. The questions are stupid, but the repetition is maddening. And every single variation is a NEW question… they are incapable of inferring anything from a previous question. So all of these are NEW questions to them:

“How do I change the font color” “How do I change the font size” “How do I bold words” “How do I italicize words?” “How do I unbold words?” “How do I underline words?”

By the time I make it through every conceivable formatting option, they’ve forgotten the early ones and we start all over again.

I am a 33 year old MBA with multiple certifications, patents, awards – and I’m telling people how to change font attributes in their email, nearly on a full-time basis. And people wonder why my hair fell out.

You know how many strange computer things I learned in school? Zero.

You know how many things I figured out by Googling and/or buying a book? All of them.

Why is it that old people can’t Google their problem or buy a gd book and figure crap out? Why?! I guess age is a bitch, huh?

Kill me.

  1 comment for “Old People Are Like Old Dogs

  1. livieloo
    September 7, 2011 at 11:49 am

    Old people are also horrible drivers. I think people should lose their driver’s license the last 16 years of their life because their driving skills diminish to that of a 0-16 year old during that time.

    I can’t even help my Mom with computer things because her incomIncredipetence makes me want to SCREAM… too bad you work with her (I really am sorry). Guess I’ll buy her an idiots guide to computers for Christmas to help you out. Maybe I’ll buy her a training CD Rom as well… and include detailed instructions on how to put it into her disc drive.

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