So, the weekend was not expected to be anything worth writing about.
My cousin Matt was getting married (to a girl named Jenna I might add), and the wedding was in Iowa. Iowa is not the most exciting place on earth, but it was a family gathering, so Jenna and I made the drive Saturday morning.
We got there just in the nick of time, the service was beautiful, and Matt is now officially married. The reception was a couple hours later. It was a big reception, and far too many people there to actually talk to the bride and groom. The Lucas family sat at the very back and entertained ourselves since there were 15 of us and about 250 of the bride’s family.
I promptly got very ill, and I toughed it out for a couple of hours before I finally couldn’t take it anymore. Jenna and I headed back to the hotel to watch TV and be ill. Jenna promptly fell asleep, so I was entertaining myself with Maximum Exposure (a great show for guys) when I heard knocking on the door. I jumped up thinking it was my brother, and when I opened the door…
…there was a VERY drunk blonde in a DANGEROUSLY low-cut party dress. She was leaning against the doorframe doing the drunk wobbly leg dance. I asked her if she was lost, and she said (and I quote) “Hhh Hi baby. I dosnt think… ish thiz my room?”
I told her she was in the wrong place, and then asked if I could help her find her room. To this, she replied “thanksh baby… yerz sweet.” At this point I expected I would walk her down to the front desk and see if they knew where she went. However, she had different plans, and she promptly let go of the door frame, tumbled towards me, and threw her arms around me.
I of course tried to catch her so she wouldn’t crack her skull, but then without saying anything, she grabbed my face and stuck her tongue in my mouth.
Ah. A very interesting predicament I’m in at this point. Jenna is sleeping 10 feet away, and I don’t really want her to see this girl smooching me… I don’t particularly like kissing people, even if I DO know them… and this girl clearly has bigger expectations of me that I’m able to provide.
So, there I am, flattered, disgusted, and straining to hold up the girl without making it too easy for her to kiss me.
I helped prop her up against the doorframe again, and she said “okkkay, I’ll sheee you later baby.” Then she staggered down the hallway. I decided that discretion was the better part of valor, and I allowed as how I had done all I could.
Jenna was only marginally awake for the incident, but once I told her what happened she was WIDE awake.
Things like that never happened to me when I was single. Isn’t life interesting.