Never Take Ambien in the Woods

Have you ever slept so well that savage gnawing wouldn’t wake you up? Well, thanks to my new friend, Ambien, I had one of those nights last night. I went to sleep, and I guess Abby must have thought I was dead, because she chewed up my leg during the night. I woke up with several scratches and puncture wounds, and the blood had already dried. Apparently the coma that is “Ambien” is not foiled by little things like “extreme personal danger.”

Note to self: Don’t take Ambien while camping in the wild.

Abby seemed relieved that I was not dead, not necessarily because she cares one way or the other, but because she needed to potty, and hasn’t yet figured out how to open doors. I figure it’s only a matter of time before she figures it out, so I will enjoy her ignorance while it lasts.

I climbed out of bed and washed the dried blood off of my leg to reveal the damage. I doused my entire leg in antibiotic crap, and then washed my sheets with peroxide. Abby seemed very interested indeed. She stared intently at everything I did, and even tried to lick the blood off of me. You could tell she felt bad. (At least I’ll tell myself that.)

I just hope she hasn’t acquired a taste for human blood.

I dreamed that I was back in high school. It was weird, because I was my current age, etc. yet everyone else was as they were in high school. The same teachers picked on me, and they tried to impose massive religious guilt on me for… I’m not making this up… using a flash on my camera while taking pictures for the yearbook. They kept quoting some verse from the Bible that said “Never cast extra light on a man’s visage…” or some crap like that. I realize that’s not really in the Bible, but I sure believed it in my dream.

I was like “Hey, quit being so judgmental! It’s too dark to shoot pictures in here without a flash.” But in spite of my protests, they suspended me. It was quite weird.

Whatever.

Incredipete