More Things That Drive Me Nuts

Let’s see if I can write this and still leave for work on time. Here goes.

Thanks to everyone for reading and enjoying my rant from yesterday. I didn’t finish, and I’d like to add a few more things to the list, if you don’t mind too much. Actually, I don’t care if you mind.

It’s amazing how many things drive me nuts when I’m off my meds.

21. People that smell bad – Yes, I know several people that smell bad. I don’t really understand it, since it’s very easy to not smell bad, but they stink nonetheless. The biggest problem is the ones that are stinking because of improper bathroom behavior, as in, not wiping. Nothing says “I don’t care about myself at all” like stinking of butt juice. BO I can almost suck it up and deal with, but butt smell makes me gag, and I have to run away. I’m not asking, I’m begging… please wipe.

22. Large people in small clothes – You see, largeness in and of itself is not a bad thing. But you must compensate for it in other areas. Wearing spandex 3 sizes too small is not a good idea. In fact, if you are very large, you should probably avoid all clingy materials, and stick with the basics. It’s common courtesy.

23. Jocks – Yes, I think jocks are retarded. Oooo… I’m SO impressed that you can throw a ball. You should be so proud that God gave you so much talent. Too bad you can’t calculate a tip, but I’m sure the waitress will feel so lucky to be talking to a stud like yourself that she won’t mind that you are dumb and bad at math. If the only thing you have to be proud of is that you can throw a ball, I’m definitely not impressed. Find the cure for cancer… now THAT’S impressive.

24. Guys that used to be jocks – These guys are even worse, because not only do they constantly harp on about the “glory days” when they could throw a ball, they actually are no longer capable of doing even that. And since they were a jock, they didn’t develop any other useful skills, making them nothing more than a burden on society. They are generally married to a woman that used to be a cheerleader, who also has no useful skills. They will lead a happy life together, with nothing to actually discuss besides sports statistics and beer.

25. People with no common sense – Ok, here’s the deal. If you don’t ever change your oil, and you ignore the oil light when it comes on, waiting for a “bigger light to come on,” you should probably have your living permit revoked. You don’t even have to be smart to have common sense. Look at me!

26. People that drink too much – I hate to judge, since I like to indulge in a couple of vodka tonics now and again, but there are limits. I have had too much to drink less than 5 times in my life, and I won’t do it again. I don’t like being sick the next day. Does that make me lame, because I can’t hold my own, or does it make me smart, because I don’t keep doing things that cause me pain? I think it’s smart. Some people are only capable of “having fun” if there is alcohol involved. I know dozens of couples that are only married now because they spent their entire twenties in a drunken stupor. They actually have nothing in common except for being wasted. That’s not really much of a foundation for a relationship. Yet, people do it every day. People meet the “love of their lives” over 15 or 20 beers. Yeah right. Let’s see how you like them after you grow up and sober up.

27. People that give in to their kids to get them to stop complaining – Ok, this is really brilliant. Have these parents never heard of Pavlov? If you reward the child for complaining, you are reinforcing that complaining gets you what you want. It works the other way, too. When I was a child, my dad would give me “more of what I don’t want, and less of what I do.” He did not like complaining. So if I didn’t want to eat my broccoli, and wanted ice cream, he’d give me more broccoli. Every time I opened my mouth to complain, he’d give me more, and it didn’t take me long to figure out I’d better shut up before my entire plate was heaped with it. If I complained about my 8:00 bedtime, he would say “Ok, now it’s 7:30.” If I said “THAT’S NOT FAIR!!!” he’d say “Now it’s 7:00.” And guess what. I shut up fast, because if I kept going, I found out I could make my bedtime RIGHT NOW, and if I still complained, I’d start cutting into tomorrow’s bedtime, too. If he’d given me what I wanted when I complained, today I’d be like, well, my incredibly adorable little sister. (ouch… sorry. I couldn’t resist)

28. People that don’t understand the Far Side or Dilbert – If you don’t understand these, then you are obviously intellectually inferior to the rest of the world. I don’t mean you have to like them, I’m just saying you should understand them. I can’t tell you how many times someone showed me a Far Side and said “I don’t get it.” Loser.

29. 90 pound women that go on diets – First of all, there’s something wrong with a woman being 90 pounds. But there’s something even more wrong with going on a diet when you are already transluscent. No one is impressed when you say you’re going on a diet, so just keep it to yourself.

30. Sluts – You know who you are… the girls that go to the bar and pick up a stranger when “the mood strikes.” It’s not that men wouldn’t do it if they could, but they can’t, so I can be bitter about it. And just a word of advice, guys may spend the night with a slut, but they will chew their arm off in the morning to get away, because no guy wants to end up with a slut long term. If you’re really good at keeping it a secret, maybe you can fool some guy into thinking you’re a decent person, but some day down the line, he’s going to realize that you’ve slept with everyone in the city limits, and he is going to be very unhappy.

31. People that turn their head when you take a picture – As someone very dedicated to the art of photography, and has been paid on many occasions to be the “official photographer,” I can say that these people need to be slapped silly. They always say “I don’t look good, don’t take my picture.” My response is “If I thought you didn’t look good, I wouldn’t take your picture. What makes you think I would want a bunch of pictures of an ugly person?”

32. Pat Robertson – Here’s a guy that doesn’t know what he wants to be when he grows up. Televangelist? Sometimes. Presidential Candidate? He wishes. Meteorologist? Only when he’s re-routing hurricanes to avoid getting damage to his network, while sending the hurricane up the coast to kill and maim. News Anchor? Well, let’s just say his reporting is almost as capable as Dan Rather’s.

33. Mike Martz – (St. Louis Rams head coach) This guy gives jackasses a bad name. He is arrogant beyond belief, hasn’t got a classy bone in his body, and screwed up his superbowl dreams by being unwilling to change his “brilliant” plan that wasn’t working. After Kurt Wariner (holds NFL record for best lifetime quarterback rating) left St. Louis, his protoge’, Mark Bulger told the media that he would miss Kurt and that he appreciated everything Kurt had taught him. When Martz (who benched Kurt despite his incredible record) was asked about his departure and the impact it would have on Bulger, Martz said, Kurt had nothing to do with Bulger’s success. Bulger didn’t learn anything from him. Even a crappy coach would say something nice… it’s not like he ever had to see Wariner again.

34. When Target, who has 50 lines, only has one clerk – Why would you design a store with 50 lines, when you only plan to hire one cashier? That makes no sense. Even at peak times, I’ve never seen more than 4 clerks. Seriously, I had no idea what they were thinking. Get some more clerks, or put a McDonalds in where all those lines are.

35. Heavy highway project managers – Give me a budget, and I’ll get your highway construction project done in less than a week. I don’t care if the project is to replace the entire interstate from New York to San Diego. If you have the budget to do the project, then you have the budget to do the project RIGHT NOW. There’s a certain number of people it will take to do the construction, and instead of having say, 10 guys do the project over 18 years, why don’t we hire 9,360 construction workers for one week? The money is the same… I’m just saying.

  29 comments for “More Things That Drive Me Nuts

  1. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Kathleen Shit, where were my editing skills, when I posted? I can TOO bitch… …when I can NOT get a date…

  2. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Kathleen I just have a comment about the previous day’s post where you complain about your female friends who cry on your shoulder after they date badly. Have you ever asked them out? You can’t really bitch about them not going out with you if you never asked. Just a thought there… And I so can to bitch about dating losers when I only go out with them once and find out they’re losers right away. So, yes, I can say Men suck when none of them ask me out, but I’m told all the time how fabulous and fantastic and pretty I am. I find it really hard to believe that’s true when I can get a freaking date to save my life. Had to give the Girl’s Side – sorry.

  3. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT It’s so nice to be loved!

  4. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Leave it to maf to always say what needs to be said. I musn’t complain about the Incredipetester too much as I have been fortunate enough to see at least one comment (and God knows that is hard to come by) from him. As for that other slack ass uncle (who seems to always find his way to his “boy’s” page) you speak of, it just might be a cold day in H-E-double hockey sticks before I give that jive turkey a shout out in one of my entries again. I’m just yellin’….

  5. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete I apologize for my posting slackerness, both on my site, and my many favorite sites. I had a nutso day what with doing the Heimlich on unsuspecting HR assistants and such. But I will have plenty to say tomorrow. So there.

  6. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf i’m on meds that help me notice that neither PETE not that frekin uncle everyone is so crazy about have commented on my page. now i have no recorse for Incredipete. i DO for the other non posting mothertrucker.

  7. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: warcrygirl Incredipete I treasure your little Nuggets of Wisdom and I’m totally open to another’s point of view. But you knew that, didntcha? *hugs* BTW, what the hell kind of meds are you missing anyway?

  8. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy I want to brag too. I have four nieces and four nephews. And let me tell you what, they love me more than anything. My one niece, Meg and nephew, Hunter, call me Unc Wendy. This is because when Meggie was real little she would always get confused with the aunt and uncle salutation and somehow started calling me Unc Wendy. They are now 13 and 10 and they still call me that. I love it. Then there is my niece, Amber who calls me Wee Wee. She is about to be 6 and is too cute. The others call me plain old Aunt Wendy and I really don’t see them very often, but I do got some mad love for them anyway.

  9. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: your incredibly adorable little sister Incredipeter, I still think i owe nights of going to bed early…Anyway, I agree with most of what you say. Especially about those lacking common sense. Shall we say…”Laura”?

  10. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Walker My daughter would love you. She loves to “fly”.

  11. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT I married into a niece and a nephew. I now have two nephews and a niece, but I hardly ever see them. I also have some step niece & nephews but I’ve only seen them once. So I pretty much was forced to have kids of my own. But unfortunately since I never got much of a chance to be the fun uncle, I’ve resorted to being the death defying Dad…

  12. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Walker That’s awesome. It’s always nice to be adored! LOL…

  13. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf those girls rock my world. and they know it … and what’s even better is they totally ADORE me… so yay’s all around … i see them like 3 or 4 times a week … on is named after me – how can you NOT like that?

  14. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Walker Mine is pretty spoiled, anyone who knows her will attest to that. BUT, she does say “yes ma’am, no ma’am, please, thank you” and “excuse me”.

  15. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf i hope to one day join the parenting discussion- at this point i’m a godmother of 2…and really my job is to give them all the sugar possible and spoil them ROTTEN – but i don’t take attitude or rudeness….i’m also a dog mommie – but i don’t see how that really qualifies me for much….but i do love my pupper!

  16. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Walker I’m lucky, the only thing I have problems with is Em going to sleep. Oh, she’ll go to bed, that’s no problem. Sleep on the other hand… she can apperently live without, and thinks I can too!

  17. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf i always use the regular ones too…just cause why not… i work all day – and i’m not THRILLED to be spending my $$ – so they should bag it up for me…. i’m just saying

  18. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete I’m not giving parenting advice, just relaying what worked when my parents did it to me. I learned really quick…

  19. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Walker They’ve just started the whole “self check out” here. And, you always have a choice here. You can either go to the self check out, or a regular cashier. I guess that’s how they justify it.

  20. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf ok here’s what i hate – if I have to check out my own groceries and bag them myself – why don’t i get a price break?

  21. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Stacey I forgot to mention that I’m on board with the maroons who don’t get Dilbert.

  22. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Points well made and well taken. I’m a little pissed that I couldn’t find anything to argue about! Damn!

  23. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf you know what – i’m digging you today Incredipete …

  24. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: thea kidding….. just jokes baby… just jokes.

  25. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: thea Kids shmids… everyone should do what I do. Yell really loud & lock ’em in a closet til their spirit’s good ‘n’ broken. Then if they talk back all you do is give ’em the ‘eye’…

  26. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Walker Hey – I *so* put oil in my car when the light came on! Just because until last week it had been 65,000 miles since it had been changed doesn’t mean anything!! 😉

  27. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Stacey Yeah, a lot of stuff does bug you, but you’re still a hot bald guy.

  28. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: warcrygirl I’ve been guilty of pacifying my kids for the sake of peace and quiet Once in a while is okay but not every time. But then again if we don’t keep them quiet then we’re attacked for not controlling our children.

  29. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Andy hey, let’s not be dis’ing the sluts. You’ve gone too far with that one. For the love of god Incredipete, please get back on your meds.

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