Let’s see if I can write this and still leave for work on time. Here goes.
Thanks to everyone for reading and enjoying my rant from yesterday. I didn’t finish, and I’d like to add a few more things to the list, if you don’t mind too much. Actually, I don’t care if you mind.
It’s amazing how many things drive me nuts when I’m off my meds.
21. People that smell bad – Yes, I know several people that smell bad. I don’t really understand it, since it’s very easy to not smell bad, but they stink nonetheless. The biggest problem is the ones that are stinking because of improper bathroom behavior, as in, not wiping. Nothing says “I don’t care about myself at all” like stinking of butt juice. BO I can almost suck it up and deal with, but butt smell makes me gag, and I have to run away. I’m not asking, I’m begging… please wipe.
22. Large people in small clothes – You see, largeness in and of itself is not a bad thing. But you must compensate for it in other areas. Wearing spandex 3 sizes too small is not a good idea. In fact, if you are very large, you should probably avoid all clingy materials, and stick with the basics. It’s common courtesy.
23. Jocks – Yes, I think jocks are retarded. Oooo… I’m SO impressed that you can throw a ball. You should be so proud that God gave you so much talent. Too bad you can’t calculate a tip, but I’m sure the waitress will feel so lucky to be talking to a stud like yourself that she won’t mind that you are dumb and bad at math. If the only thing you have to be proud of is that you can throw a ball, I’m definitely not impressed. Find the cure for cancer… now THAT’S impressive.
24. Guys that used to be jocks – These guys are even worse, because not only do they constantly harp on about the “glory days” when they could throw a ball, they actually are no longer capable of doing even that. And since they were a jock, they didn’t develop any other useful skills, making them nothing more than a burden on society. They are generally married to a woman that used to be a cheerleader, who also has no useful skills. They will lead a happy life together, with nothing to actually discuss besides sports statistics and beer.
25. People with no common sense – Ok, here’s the deal. If you don’t ever change your oil, and you ignore the oil light when it comes on, waiting for a “bigger light to come on,” you should probably have your living permit revoked. You don’t even have to be smart to have common sense. Look at me!
26. People that drink too much – I hate to judge, since I like to indulge in a couple of vodka tonics now and again, but there are limits. I have had too much to drink less than 5 times in my life, and I won’t do it again. I don’t like being sick the next day. Does that make me lame, because I can’t hold my own, or does it make me smart, because I don’t keep doing things that cause me pain? I think it’s smart. Some people are only capable of “having fun” if there is alcohol involved. I know dozens of couples that are only married now because they spent their entire twenties in a drunken stupor. They actually have nothing in common except for being wasted. That’s not really much of a foundation for a relationship. Yet, people do it every day. People meet the “love of their lives” over 15 or 20 beers. Yeah right. Let’s see how you like them after you grow up and sober up.
27. People that give in to their kids to get them to stop complaining – Ok, this is really brilliant. Have these parents never heard of Pavlov? If you reward the child for complaining, you are reinforcing that complaining gets you what you want. It works the other way, too. When I was a child, my dad would give me “more of what I don’t want, and less of what I do.” He did not like complaining. So if I didn’t want to eat my broccoli, and wanted ice cream, he’d give me more broccoli. Every time I opened my mouth to complain, he’d give me more, and it didn’t take me long to figure out I’d better shut up before my entire plate was heaped with it. If I complained about my 8:00 bedtime, he would say “Ok, now it’s 7:30.” If I said “THAT’S NOT FAIR!!!” he’d say “Now it’s 7:00.” And guess what. I shut up fast, because if I kept going, I found out I could make my bedtime RIGHT NOW, and if I still complained, I’d start cutting into tomorrow’s bedtime, too. If he’d given me what I wanted when I complained, today I’d be like, well, my incredibly adorable little sister. (ouch… sorry. I couldn’t resist)
28. People that don’t understand the Far Side or Dilbert – If you don’t understand these, then you are obviously intellectually inferior to the rest of the world. I don’t mean you have to like them, I’m just saying you should understand them. I can’t tell you how many times someone showed me a Far Side and said “I don’t get it.” Loser.
29. 90 pound women that go on diets – First of all, there’s something wrong with a woman being 90 pounds. But there’s something even more wrong with going on a diet when you are already transluscent. No one is impressed when you say you’re going on a diet, so just keep it to yourself.
30. Sluts – You know who you are… the girls that go to the bar and pick up a stranger when “the mood strikes.” It’s not that men wouldn’t do it if they could, but they can’t, so I can be bitter about it. And just a word of advice, guys may spend the night with a slut, but they will chew their arm off in the morning to get away, because no guy wants to end up with a slut long term. If you’re really good at keeping it a secret, maybe you can fool some guy into thinking you’re a decent person, but some day down the line, he’s going to realize that you’ve slept with everyone in the city limits, and he is going to be very unhappy.
31. People that turn their head when you take a picture – As someone very dedicated to the art of photography, and has been paid on many occasions to be the “official photographer,” I can say that these people need to be slapped silly. They always say “I don’t look good, don’t take my picture.” My response is “If I thought you didn’t look good, I wouldn’t take your picture. What makes you think I would want a bunch of pictures of an ugly person?”
32. Pat Robertson – Here’s a guy that doesn’t know what he wants to be when he grows up. Televangelist? Sometimes. Presidential Candidate? He wishes. Meteorologist? Only when he’s re-routing hurricanes to avoid getting damage to his network, while sending the hurricane up the coast to kill and maim. News Anchor? Well, let’s just say his reporting is almost as capable as Dan Rather’s.
33. Mike Martz – (St. Louis Rams head coach) This guy gives jackasses a bad name. He is arrogant beyond belief, hasn’t got a classy bone in his body, and screwed up his superbowl dreams by being unwilling to change his “brilliant” plan that wasn’t working. After Kurt Wariner (holds NFL record for best lifetime quarterback rating) left St. Louis, his protoge’, Mark Bulger told the media that he would miss Kurt and that he appreciated everything Kurt had taught him. When Martz (who benched Kurt despite his incredible record) was asked about his departure and the impact it would have on Bulger, Martz said, Kurt had nothing to do with Bulger’s success. Bulger didn’t learn anything from him. Even a crappy coach would say something nice… it’s not like he ever had to see Wariner again.
34. When Target, who has 50 lines, only has one clerk – Why would you design a store with 50 lines, when you only plan to hire one cashier? That makes no sense. Even at peak times, I’ve never seen more than 4 clerks. Seriously, I had no idea what they were thinking. Get some more clerks, or put a McDonalds in where all those lines are.
35. Heavy highway project managers – Give me a budget, and I’ll get your highway construction project done in less than a week. I don’t care if the project is to replace the entire interstate from New York to San Diego. If you have the budget to do the project, then you have the budget to do the project RIGHT NOW. There’s a certain number of people it will take to do the construction, and instead of having say, 10 guys do the project over 18 years, why don’t we hire 9,360 construction workers for one week? The money is the same… I’m just saying.