More Sex

I received more feedback than expected from yesterday’s post. Of course, most people are sissies and sent me emails instead of commenting. Apparently people get nervous talking about it in public. Let me address some of the commentary that I received. Primarily, people quoted the same verse to me: “Let the marriage bed be kept pure.” It’s a verse in Hebrews that often gets quoted by Christians in defense of the “sex is only OK if you do it missionary and neither of you enjoy it…” approach to sex.

These respondents basically contend that the verse means keep your genitals where they belong – together – and keep all other forms of “perversion” (their word, not mine) out of the Christian marriage. I hate to rain on their parade with context and logic, but here goes anyway.

Firstly – every single person that replied and quoted this verse only quoted the part above. Fantastic if you’re trying to make an incorrect point. The entire verse says “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” This verse isn’t about sexual positions or where you should put your mouth versus your genitals. It’s talking about adultery and/or having an extra person sexually involved.

It says “marriage should be honored by all.” In other words, people should respect the union between husband and wife. The gist of the verse is that the “marriage bed” is literally and metaphorically a place where the husband and wife have a sacred union. They are bonded by vows before they are bonded as one flesh. There’s a reason it goes in that order. A man who sees a married woman should not be thinking “hmmm, her husband is a jerk, I will put the moves on her.” THAT would violate this passage.

A married woman who sees a sexy man and decides there’s no harm in ‘seeing where it leads’ is violating this passage. A spouse that cheats is violating this passage. And I believe that is without exception. It doesn’t matter if both parties in the marriage agree that the cheating is OK (although that would be nuts on its face), it’s still in violation of the Bible.

OK The second topic that was a hot one was anal sex. Here were your (stupid) arguments:

1. Gay men have anal sex and it’s wrong to be gay so anal sex is wrong always

2. People poo out of their butts and it wasn’t designed for anything else (funniest argument of the day)

3. It hurts the recipient and hurting is wrong

I will address them in order. Gay men do have anal sex. The Bible says homosexuality is wrong. The Bible does NOT say that anal sex is wrong. I’ll wait while you look…. …and what did you find? Yah. I’m right, and you’re stupid. It’s simply not in there. Argument two. People poo out of their butts. Wow. Just wow. I can’t believe I’m talking about this. By this logic, men should have sex using their penis because they pee out of it. I can’t even come up with a good argument on this one because it’s so stupid.

Argument three. This one has some validity. And by some I mean it depends. Some women (yes, really) enjoy anal sex. Some women even ADMIT to enjoying it. Most say it hurts at first and then it’s good. A lot of women probably just think it totally sucks 100% of the time. You shouldn’t hurt your spouse. Sex should be pleasurable for both partners. I’m just not sure I buy that 100% of women in 100% of circumstances would not enjoy it. Gay men seem to like it OK.

Yes, I just used objection two to refute argument three!

NOW Finally we get to oral sex. Here were the arguments as to why oral sex is wrong:

1. You aren’t face to face, and God wants us face to face.

2. Genitals are dirty and you’ll die if you have oral sex

3. Oral sex is degrading (I’m assuming they are talking about women performing oral)

Here goes. Argument one, I challenge you to make a Biblical argument to support this. And do it without taking anything out of context. If you can make this argument, I will bow to your superior knowledge of the Bible. Argument two. For the love of Pete. Take a shower. Soap is a wonderful thing. Immune systems are pretty awesome, too. If you’re engaging in this activity with multiple partners, then you’re probably right, you’ll get sick. But this article is about marriage. You and your spouse, if you’ve been together more than about a week (sexually) have already shared every germ you have with each other. Your immune systems will figure it out, and you’ll be fine. By the same argument we shouldn’t kiss. Mouths are the most bacteria-ridden part of the human body. Google it.

Argument three. Oral sex is degrading. Hmmm. I’ve heard this one a few times. I’m not sure why, except maybe some women felt like they HAD to do this for guys they were dating to keep them interested? I have NO idea. We’re talking about spouses making love. We aren’t talking about one partner making some sort of a power play and trying to make his wife subservient. No one should be forcing their wife to do ANYTHING she’s not comfortable doing. But if that’s not the case, the Bible certainly doesn’t have any restrictions.

And then, my favorite argument I received. I saved the best for last. God made sex strictly for procreation, it should only be done for that purpose, and it was not God’s plan for women to have an orgasm. Remember how I said the phrase “genital union” made me laugh snot out of my nose? This one was WAY funnier. His premise hinged on sex being only for procreation. The man HAS to have an orgasm in order to inseminate his wife, but a wife’s orgasm would be strictly for pleasure and that’s wrong. OBVIOUSLY.

First off… you’re an IDIOT. Second, it sucks to be you… and it sucks more to be your wife (yes, the email was from a man). Where the HECK did someone get such a nutty notion? It sure ain’t in the Bible. And I’ve never even heard this crock of hooey preached in a church.

Read this: “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 If the Bible is telling husband and wife to give to each other sexually except “for a time by mutual consent for prayer” but that they should not wait too long to have sex again so “Satan will not tempt you…”

Doesn’t that sound like this is talking about fulfilling sexual desires? It certainly doesn’t say “come together again so that you can make babies, but by all means don’t feel good doing it.” I think of all the verses in the Bible that talk about sex within marriage, this one is the most interesting to me. It virtually commands us to give to each other, not for babymaking, but for the strength of the marriage.

I can’t wait to hear your rebuttals to today’s post. Sheesh. Please, at least make your argument coherent, logical, and Biblical. Thanks!

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