Men Are Gross!

Yes, last night was the final musical of the season, Chicago. We’ve been looking forward to this one all summer, and it was great. All of the performers were good, and I enjoyed the story.

Frankly, the fact that there were a dozen potty-mouthed, scantily-clad women helped to keep my interest. From where we sit, I could just barely tell that they were women…

Anyway, now we have to wait until next season. Sad.

So what the heck is with mens’ bathroom etiquette, anyways?!

Pet peeve number one… they guy that is WAY to proud of his unit. Yeah, you know the one I’m talking about… the one that stands 5 feet back from the urinal and then exposes himself for the whole world to see. Ok, dude… we’re all dudes in here. None of us want to see it. And frankly, it’s not very polite for you to try and make us all jealous. Every bathroom has one.

And let’s talk about the guy that pees on the wall instead of the urinal. Just because you’re standing in front of the urinal does not mean you can just let it fly. And if you’re going on the wall on purpose, well… then you’re just a nasty perv. But if it’s because you can’t help it, then you need to see a doctor, asap. It’s not a contest to see who can pee the highest on the wall. We all know I’d win that contest.

I hate the guy that stands there next to you staring at the wall, and peeing on your shoe. HELLO! Are you paying attention?! Don’t you know you’re supposed to do a little aiming? I don’t know why some guys do this. Maybe it’s an innate evolutionary failure that causes some men to want to mark everything. I don’t appreciate it.

Then there’s the pee on the seat. And on the floor, and on the handle, and on the stall walls… what the heck is going on in there? You MUST be doing it on purpose, because nobody is THAT inept in the peeing department. I’m pretty sure most men have been peeing on a regular basis for most of their lives. It must be that marking instinct again.

And you know what else is gross? Guys that completely drop trou at the urinal. I’ve seen guys actually yank their pants all the way to their ankles while they’re standing right out there in front of god and everyone. Nobody in the men’s room wants to see your naked butt… not even the gay men. It’s always some really creepy looking guy that looks as if he might kill you if you complain and eat your liver.

Guys don’t talk in the bathroom. Maybe “hi” at the sink. But NEVER talk at the urinal. It’s just not right. Almost every man on earth knows this unwritten rule. But there are always exceptions. The guy that stands next to you and talks, peeks over the stall, calls you buddy, slaps you on the back. Ok, dude… back off before I am forced to snap your neck like a twig. Don’t talk to me in the bathroom, girly-man. What are we, girlfriends?

And of course, there’s the fact that 95% of men don’t wash their hands. Ever. Let’s face it, that’s just gross. And I have a feeling despite the constant complaining about how nasty men are, women are probably just as bad about hand washing. Some guys will turn on the water for a second if they know someone else is around, but they don’t put their hands under it. They’ll pull off a paper towel and crumple it, but it’s not like they needed to, since their hands were already dry. Now, I can almost understand the mentality that causes this. I don’t really think it’s JUST laziness. When I go into the bathroom, I don’t want to touch ANYTHING. Obviously, that doesn’t include me, but I know where I’ve been. I’m sure that I’m the cleanest thing in there, so if I touch the sink handle, technically I’ll end up with more germs than I started with. At least that’s what a lot of guys say.

Personally, I’ll keep washing my hands.