Made (Poorly) In America

I have decided to share a very painful experience with you, in order to get it off my chest. You see, I was dumped yesterday. Granted, I’ve only been dating the girl for about a month, and I had serious doubts about the whole thing, but it was a strange dumping, so…

Sunday night she was waiting at my house when I got home from the airport. We had a good time, and everything seemed fine. Monday afternoon, I called her and left a message. She never returned the call, so Tuesday afternoon, I left her another message. I have a long-time policy that after a second phone call, if I don’t hear back, I never call the person again. It’s partly to prevent becoming one of those guys that “can’t take a hint” and partly because it makes me mad.

However, Friday afternoon, she called me at work. I had already pretty much figured out that we were through, but she confirmed it. To her credit, it was by far the most honest breakup I’ve ever had, even if it was also the strangest. She informed me she “doesn’t like nice guys.” WTF?

Yes… she thought about it a lot, and decided she just doesn’t want to date someone nice. So I said…”ok.” What else could I say? It was too weird.

Anyway, after I hung up, I burst into spontaneous laughter because the whole thing was so ridiculous. I suppose my uncontrollable laughter is probably a sign that the relationship had been doomed from the start.

That’s it for my pitiful love life. I will now move on to a topic that is much more important to me. Toilet paper.

Well, not toilet paper, per say. But products that we rely upon and take for granted, and which cause real problems when manufactured poorly. This topic was brought to the forefront of my thoughts when I was trying to use an improperly manufactured roll of toilet paper. It was glued wrong, so that the two ply sheets were not glued together, but the roll itself was glued closed. This meant that the roll would tear and shred, and every time I got it working right, the next second, I was back to square one.

I had a similar problem with a box of checks not long ago. The glue had been applied wrong, and the perforated edge of the checks were stuck together. So to use the checkbook, I had to carry an exacto knife with me. Talk about freaking out the clerks at the store.

Today I went to open one of those new “refrigerator-friendly” boxes of Pepsi. It was so friendly that when I opened the box (the end of the box that says “open here”) the first can of pop shot out, landed on the edge of an open drawer, and exploded straight up into the air. I was covered with Pepsi from head to toe. But is there some recourse with Pepsico? I doubt it. Can I sue them for the Pepsi stains on my shorts? Probably not.

My days are filled with experiences like the ones I’ve described here, and I just don’t understand why products can’t be made better. Is it a huge conspiracy to annoy consumers? Is Al Gore trying to get back at America for “cheating him out of the election?”

Or maybe the people that manufacture those products have a work ethic as bad as mine… that would explain it.

  11 comments for “Made (Poorly) In America

  1. BJ
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: BJ The way some people’s brains process thoughts (like “should I go out with this guy?”) must be similar to the way sausage (or Spam or Treat) is made – lots of garbage that somehow congeals into a solid.

  2. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Nero Hahaha the pepsi thing is damn funny. About your last comments about companies like that, maybe you just have bad luck?

  3. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT I’ll be teaching my seminar in the fall. How to win friends, influence people, be a jerk and get lots of dates.

  4. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT I’ll be teaching my seminar in the fall. How to win friends, influence people, be a jerk and get lots of dates.

  5. Wen
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wen The OTHER translation for “I don’t want to be with a nice guy” is “I have very low self esteem and I need someone to treat me badly to validate how I feel about myself”. Sorry Incredipete, but you being a nice guy doesn’t fit into her self-destructive plan of victimization and martyrdom. Be glad you got out before she turned on you.

  6. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete That does it, I’m suing pepsi.

  7. YMM
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: YMM I now it’s mean, but I’m still laughing about the whole Pepsi visual.

  8. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredime To go back for a minute with your personality thing, I think I have a little of each in the ISC?? I love the sunset pictures from Hawaii!!!

  9. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredime You to can post first like me!!! For just a small fee of being up at 3 am and your credit card number, we can set it so that your always #1!!! Ha ha P.S. No alcohol was involved in the writing of this posting, nothing good was on the tube!!

  10. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy “I don’t want to be with a nice guy.” Translation: There is someone else. Sorry dawg. At least you don’t seem to be too bitter though. But then again you have had two whole days to cry into your pillow at night. Let it out Incredipete. It’s okay.

  11. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: warcrygirl That’s because most of our products are manufactured by non-English speaking types who hate America and want to get back at us for making them get a job and not letting them stay on public assistance. Or, you could just be really clumsy. It would have been funny if you spilled Pepsi on just the front of your shorts, it would make people wonder…or is that just me?

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