I’ve been observing what many might call the “mating ritual” for my entire life. People falling in love, getting married, having kids, and getting divorced. I’m often puzzled by the amount of miscommunication that happens in most relationships.
I was watching Dr. Phil last night as he worked with a highly screwed up couple. I started thinking about it… why do couples who are so happy initially end up in total chaos and hatred? Of course, there are probably infinite reasons that people have problems. There are millions of catalysts that can generate unforseeable problems.
However, in my observation, one thing has become more clear to me. Most couples when they begin dating get involved sexually right off the bat. Some couples it’s the first date (slutty), some it’s the third (still slutty), sometimes it’s after several weeks or even a couple of months. But that entire time before having sex, that’s what the game is all about in most relationships.
The guy’s trying to get it, and the girl’s trying to hold out long enough to tell if the guy is animal, vegetable, or mineral. By the nature of the human condition, the girls will always be the ones who have to say no. It’s the guy’s job, biologically speaking, to ask. Of course, the girl knows beyond the shadow of a doubt that “giving it up” is going to at least temporarily insure her success at “catching” the guy. That’s because that’s what the guy wants. I don’t claim to have the faintest clue what it is that gals want, but I imagine things like security get into the mix.
So here’s the $64,000 question all that leads up to. Why are women always shocked that guys cheat on them or leave them when they STOP “giving it up”? The entire basis of the relationship is the understanding that the girl’s going to give the guy what he wants. At least to the casual observer, it should be a no-brainer to figure this out.
Then the girl will start in with the “he’s never romantic and he doesn’t care about my feelings” crap. DUH.
Are you women just stupid or are you seriously surprised by this?
Let me explain this to you so even you can understand. (Assuming you’re one of the women asking yourself the $64,000 question.)
No guy IS or during the course of history has EVER been romantically inclined. Let that sink in. I know what you’re saying… “Incredipete, that’s not true… I dated the most romantic Italian guy and he was just awesome.”
NO NO NO. You’re stupid.
Guys who ACT romantically are guys who have figured out the secret to getting what they want. It has nothing to do with them actually BEING romantic. It’s exactly the same reason a guy will learn to dance. He knows girls will see him as sexy and sensitive.
“But Incredipete, what you’re saying is that all guys are shallow jerks trying to get sex?!”
That’s basically what I’m saying. Now, I’m not going to say that ALL guys are trying to get sex all the time.
No wait. I AM saying that. It’s all been said before, yet I don’t think most women really grasp the concept.
So, in the grind of a relationship that’s past the “honeymoon” phase, women slow down on giving the men what they want, and in turn, the men give up on the romance, because why do it if there’s no payoff?
Sad, but true.
So, what’s the solution?
I can think of two.
1. Barter. I continue giving you romance and you continue giving me sex.
2. Don’t let your relationship start out based on sex.
I’m not going to tell you which I think is the right answer, because I think both of them would work equally well. The first option will work because the biggest reason couples break up is that one of them stops holding up “their end” of the deal. The second option works because it starts the relationship off on the right foot without sex muddying the waters.
Just don’t do something stupid and then act like you’re shocked. You can’t use sex as a means to an end. You can’t use it as a way to get what you want. There’s no difference between that and prostitution. If you’re having sex so you can have the security of a man with a good job, you’re just a brazen hussy.
Guys want gals to have sex because they WANT to, not because they want SECURITY.
Gals want guys to be romantic because they WANT to, not because they want SEX.
Sadly, the reality is we are wired differently, and if we fail to understand and accept that reality, we’re going to continue seeing more than half of all marriages fail.
But hell, what do I know? I’m just a guy.