I sat through an excruciating 3 hours of class last night. Excruciating because of the 50 year old all-knowing slow-talking idiot woman. She’s in some kind of non-degree seeking enrollment, like PACE. I think the reason she’s not in a degree program is that… well, she’s completely insane and moronic. She’ll talk for say…. 15 minutes, uttering approximately 5,000 completely unrelated words, and when she stops, everybody looks at each other with the “What the hell is she talking about?” expression on their faces.
I pity the poor professor, who has to at least attempt to decipher her insane ramblings. Whenever she talks, he stares at her with a kind of awe usually reserved for the criminally insane. You can see his thought process from across the room:
Performance Strategy vs Conflict Intervention
Insane Woman: “I had this employee once and she talked on the phone making personal calls all day.”
Professor:”Crap. The old insane woman is talking again. Everyone expects me to know what she’s talking about and translate.”
Insane Woman: “I told her to stop talking on the phone and she said “ok”. Then I went to lunch and I had a salad. Well, maybe it was a chicken sandwich. It was several years ago and sometimes I can’t remember. But the waiter said “Ma’am, you should really try the soup” and that made me really mad because I don’t like soup. I told the waiter I wanted to speak to his manager. When the manager came out, his name was John… or Ralph. No, I’m sure it was Fred. Yes. Fred. Fred asked me what the problem was. So I said “your waiter asked me to try the soup, and I’m really mad about it.” After I explained the problem to Fred, he told me that my lunch would be free. After lunch, I went back to work, and my employee was on the phone. I grabbed the phone and told the person on the other end to stop calling my employee at work. Then my employee told me she had been speaking to our biggest customer and now I had messed it up.”
Professor:”Crap. This makes absolutely no sense. Even if I could translate it, I wouldn’t repeat it. I’ll bet that restaurant puts rat poison in her food whenever she goes there. I sure wish she’d shut up.”
Insane Woman: “…so I told my employee that she was stupid. She started crying, and I left to go to the customer and straighten things out. On my way there, I had a flat tire, and so I walked to the Piggly Wiggly to call a tow truck. The clerk at the store told me there was a pay phone at the back of the store, but I told the clerk I didn’t have any change, and I wanted to use the store’s phone. The clerk gave me a quarter, and on my way back to the phone I saw that they had bananas for 25 cents a pound, so I bought some with the quarter. I’m sure everyone else in class would do the same thing. What do you all think?
Professor:”Crap. She stopped talking, and she’s looking at me like I should say something. I wonder if it would look bad if I just walked out of the classroom… Somebody, please say something…”
Insane Woman: Really? That reminds me of this one time when I was making moonshine in my trailer. The still overheated and exploded, and my trailer burned down. My neighbors were mad because the fire spread to their trailers, too. But then the fire department came and they said it wasn’t my fault, because I’m an entreprenuer, and sometimes entreprenuers have to take risks with other people’s trailers. Well, they might have said it was my fault. I really can’t remember. I have a lot of years of experience at management. I think the key to leading a team is to always have lots of jelly beans. Does anyone else feel that way?”
Professor:”Whew… the great thing about insanity is that it doesn’t require much affirmation.”
Incredipete:”Re-engage brain function on my mark. 3-2-1 mark. Hey… where am I… how’d I get here?