Does anyone else hate it when people wear clothes that “don’t work” for them. I mean, whether it’s body style, age, whatever… you need to dress for success.
For example. If you are 48 years old, and you still wear your hair up in a pony tail and wear skin tight pink capri’s, you need to get a grip. Nobody thinks you’re cute, except possibly 93 year old men in a nursing home. It’s gross, and I don’t care how “great” your body is… if you’re over 40, it’s just not right.
And another example. If you weigh 340 pounds, you should probably not wear a tube top. I’m not trying to be judgemental, but despite what you think, the tube top does not make you look thinner. It makes you look like the Michelin Man. If you weigh more than 50 pounds over your ideal body weight, you should wear clothes that drape over you, not clothes that cling to you. Is that too much to ask?
I don’t know whose bright idea low-rise pants with high-rise thongs was, but it was a bad one. If more than 50% of your underwear is showing, a) your pants are not large enough to properly cover your butt, or b) your underwear is way too big, or c) your underwear is pulled up way too far. And, on a similar note, guys, pull your pants up. No one… I mean NO ONE wants to see your boxers. Period. No girl wants to see your boxers, no guy wants to see your boxers, your ‘homies’ don’t want to see your boxers, your mom doesn’t want to see your boxers, no, not even your girlfriend wants to see them. (Assuming you can find a girl retarded enough to go out with someone that wears their pants around their knees.)
Men, if you don’t know how to match patterns, then wear solids. For Incredipete’s sake, you can’t just wear any combination of what’s in your closet. Vertical stripes will never match your plaid pants. Ever. If you’re not smart enough to figure that out, then you should buy a bunch of jeans, and a bunch of solid t-shirts, and throw everything else you own away. That way, no matter what you pull out of the closet, you match.
And guys, PLEASE, don’t wear tight shirts or pants. It’s disgusting. Nobody wants to see your “curves” or “muscles” or whatever it is you’re trying to show off. It’s ok for certain girls to wear tight clothes… ONLY girls that are within 5 pounds of their ideal weight, eat nothing but salad, and work out 2 hours a day. No other people are allowed to wear anything skin tight. Ever.
For everyone, if your feet are knarly and gross, please don’t wear open toed shoes. And don’t try to fool us by wearing socks under your open toed shoes, because we know you’re just trying to hide the evil fungus and warts. We don’t need that mental picture.
By following these simple rules, you can prevent mass vomitting, and can do your part to make the world a better place. Do it for the children.