I’ll Call You Later

I had a conversation yesterday that inspired today’s topic.

Did you know that when you say to a man: “I’ll ______ later,” that he assumes that you never actually intend to ______? It’s true. We are conditioned that “later” means “never.” Yet, when we say we’re going to do something (to a woman, of course), we are held to it, and if we fail, we are punished severely.

This seems rather unfair to me, considering our conditioning was given to us by “women.”

When a woman says to me “I’ll call you later…” I assume what she means is, “I don’t want to talk to you, but I also don’t want any confrontation, so I’ll let you THINK that I’m going to call, but I actually never will.” The other possible meaning when a woman tells me “I’ll call you later….” is “I’ll call you later assuming I explore all of my other options and I’m unable to upgrade to something better than you.”

It’s cynical, I admit, but it comes from real life experience. When a woman says “Maybe we can hang out later…” she virtually always has an ‘understood’ addendum to her comment, “…unless of course a better looking or richer guy calls me.”

And let’s not forget the most famous of all comments: “Let’s be friends…” As we all know, “Let’s be friends” means “I think you are extremely ugly, but I’d feel bad saying that, so you can be one of my ‘girlfriends’ so long as you don’t mind hearing about all of my illicit encounters with hot, rich guys.” Any man that is foolish enough to agree to this, doesn’t understand how much they are sacrificing. You are expected to be HAPPY for them when they hook up with someone new. If you exhibit ANY jealousy whatsoever, you are being a ‘bad friend.’ Yeah, that’s a crappy one.

So next time a girl says “Incredipete, let’s just be friends…” I’m gonna say “Maybe later.”

The point is to help you ladies understand something very important. When a guy says “I’ll call you later…” he means it. He intends to call you later. Often he will forget, fall asleep, or get stuck watching an important game on ESPN classic, but it’s never because he was out searching for an ‘upgrade’ to you. It simply slipped his mind. And frankly, he knows that when he calls you later, you will have a ‘headache’ also known as ‘a date with a guy that’s hotter and richer than you.’ You can believe it, because everyone knows that all men have ADD. We aren’t out with someone else… heck, we’re lucky if we can find ONE woman to go out with, let alone have options. On the other hand, we all know that women never forget ANYTHING.

I’m just sayin…

  45 comments for “I’ll Call You Later

  1. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf i just need to know where i stand … is all… sniff sniff

  2. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Jackie Well Incredipete it looks like you’ve gotten yourself into a bit of a quandary. Are you going to reply or update? It will be interesting to see…tee hee hee…evil laugh.

  3. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Okay Incredipete. I know you are a “nice guy” and you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but it looks like you might have to step up here and clarify things. It’s just not right to keep so many women in limbo. Really, no man needs more than one “girl friend” (yeah, convince him of that) but having several friends that are girls is okay. SO what’s it gonna be playah?

  4. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wen(hairburner) Hate to break it to you Wendy and MAF, but I am Incredipete’s Diaryland GF. It says so on his entry page AND in his profile.

  5. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy What? You don’t like steamy? Apparently it boosts the old comments count……

  6. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: your adorable little sister i was so proud, Incredipeter, when i saw you had 39 comments so quickly. but then i realized most of them were from you. Good job.

  7. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Wow, this comments page is getting pretty steamy…

  8. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT And I’ve got more where that came from Jackie.

  9. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: warcrygirl Mmmmmm, ‘go down’…now that’s what I like to hear! I’m seriously pissed at my hubby right now, so much so that I’m planning on leaving him as soon as my youngest is in college. That would be in about, oh, 15 years. And yes, HRT, I got all sorts of creamy when you said cooking and diaper changing…Hubby just yells that The Captain stinks and needs a change…

  10. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT mmmm, nothing like unrelated incestual sex.

  11. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy I might be from Virginia but I damn sure ain’t from West “By God” Virginia. No keeping it in the family allowed.

  12. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete One big happy, dysfunctional, incestuous family…

  13. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Jackie This is what I like to see…the whole family here together.

  14. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf answer your damn email hrt

  15. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT Even if the position is purely a figurehead.

  16. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete I thought there was plenty of Incredipete to go around… was I wrong?

  17. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf i hear you, i feel you, and i get you. and mad props to you for allowing my ego to remain in tact! yay you!

  18. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy What a smart boy my Incredipete is. I am not keen on the competition. There is one thing in life I definitely will not share—my man! I will share anything else. My money, my home, my clothes, my car, but not and I repeat not my man. Maf, however, can be runner up for the sake of status only. I say this because I will never ever be unable to fulfill my duties if you know what I mean.

  19. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete I don’t think the reigning girlfriend is too keen on competition…

  20. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf i respect that … how about me as a runner up – in case the reigning girlfriend is not able to fufill her duties?! 🙂

  21. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Okay, maf. I like you alot. And believe me I hate to break your heart but I must, as your friend, tell you something. Incredipete mine, is all mine. You cannot have him. Sorry….

  22. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete I bought a brass “Ladies” plaque like the ones on bathroom doors that I intended to screw to the headboard of my bed (on the “her” side), but I figured that might send the wrong signal when I had a “visitor.”

  23. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete just kidding. As you all have already gathered, I’m a giver.

  24. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete My motto is “Don’t worry, I’ll be quick… and you won’t feel a thing.”

  25. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT Incredipete, you can borrow my motto while you visit MAF, it’s on the plaque over my bed, I’ll send it to you.

  26. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf Incredipete, i am totally and completly in love with you. when can you get to atlanta -and feel free to bring the pupper – mike could use a playmate!

  27. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT I aims to please.

  28. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy The thing is Incredipete, you must learn to adapt—one woman at a time. The reasoning that worked with your previous women just might not be the correct reasoning to use with someone you like now. I mean wouldn’t it suck for you if your new girlfriend just assumed you were just as big of an ass as her ex and automatically deemed you unappreciative and greedy. Yes it would and it wouldn’t be fair. I’m just sayin…

  29. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete You all (ya’ll for the southern folks) are so naughty.

  30. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Jackie I re-read the line “go down” three times.

  31. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipetee I don’t think so, maf.

  32. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf have i told you that i’m in love with you yet Incredipete?

  33. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Me too.

  34. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf yay. he goes down. top that Incredipete.

  35. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT Not to toot my own horn, but to toot my own horn, I change diapers, clean up toys, give baths, go down, have great hands, do the majority of the cooking PLUS I’m the sole breadwinner, granted we’re still currently broke as a mutha, and I’m probably the most whipped husband on the planet. But at least I get to revel in the fact that, just saying that probably slightly moisened at least 3 females. And well that’s not nothing.

  36. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: warcrygirl My husband actually told me that he does ZERO housework is because that’s why he has me. He won’t even pick up a toy. And when he does do something, like vacuum he expects some big prize or something. My question is, when I go back to work who’s going to be doing all the tedious jobs he’s too good to do? Probably me.

  37. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete And when I hear those words, I go about my business of watching football and eating pizza rolls.

  38. Wen
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wen I’m with warcrygirl…Maybe you mean it when you say “I’ll call you later” But the “I’ll call you” (when hell freezes over) or “I’ll call”(someone else) is far more common. When I hear those words I make a mental note to move on.

  39. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT Oh and along those same lines, I like having a balanced checkbook, but I’d rather gouge my eyes out with a rusty spoon than be the one to do the balancing.

  40. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT I take out the trash, cut the lawn, and will even vacuum when the dust bunnies start revolting. I just hate doing tedius seemingly unending tasks like filing, and organizing. If somebody else will organize something for me, I can usually keep it that way, but being the one to do it, I’m feeling ill just thinking about that.

  41. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete I don’t know, maybe it changes when a man gets married. I’m speaking from the single man’s perspective.

  42. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: warcrygirl My husband uses ‘later’ quite a bit, “I’ll cut the grass later”, “I’ll take out the garbage later”, etc. In reality he’s sitting in front of his computer playing Neverwinter Nights in his underwear. I don’t even nag anymore, just watch the kids so I can take out the trash on my way to the lawnmower. I never got the “I’ll call you later”, I just got “I’ll call you”. Yeah, right. It goes both ways dear.

  43. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Not gay, just astute.

  44. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT Hey and I was first over here!

  45. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT Bro, I hear ya, and I feel for ya. Fo Shizzle.

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