I had a conversation yesterday that inspired today’s topic.
Did you know that when you say to a man: “I’ll ______ later,” that he assumes that you never actually intend to ______? It’s true. We are conditioned that “later” means “never.” Yet, when we say we’re going to do something (to a woman, of course), we are held to it, and if we fail, we are punished severely.
This seems rather unfair to me, considering our conditioning was given to us by “women.”
When a woman says to me “I’ll call you later…” I assume what she means is, “I don’t want to talk to you, but I also don’t want any confrontation, so I’ll let you THINK that I’m going to call, but I actually never will.” The other possible meaning when a woman tells me “I’ll call you later….” is “I’ll call you later assuming I explore all of my other options and I’m unable to upgrade to something better than you.”
It’s cynical, I admit, but it comes from real life experience. When a woman says “Maybe we can hang out later…” she virtually always has an ‘understood’ addendum to her comment, “…unless of course a better looking or richer guy calls me.”
And let’s not forget the most famous of all comments: “Let’s be friends…” As we all know, “Let’s be friends” means “I think you are extremely ugly, but I’d feel bad saying that, so you can be one of my ‘girlfriends’ so long as you don’t mind hearing about all of my illicit encounters with hot, rich guys.” Any man that is foolish enough to agree to this, doesn’t understand how much they are sacrificing. You are expected to be HAPPY for them when they hook up with someone new. If you exhibit ANY jealousy whatsoever, you are being a ‘bad friend.’ Yeah, that’s a crappy one.
So next time a girl says “Incredipete, let’s just be friends…” I’m gonna say “Maybe later.”
The point is to help you ladies understand something very important. When a guy says “I’ll call you later…” he means it. He intends to call you later. Often he will forget, fall asleep, or get stuck watching an important game on ESPN classic, but it’s never because he was out searching for an ‘upgrade’ to you. It simply slipped his mind. And frankly, he knows that when he calls you later, you will have a ‘headache’ also known as ‘a date with a guy that’s hotter and richer than you.’ You can believe it, because everyone knows that all men have ADD. We aren’t out with someone else… heck, we’re lucky if we can find ONE woman to go out with, let alone have options. On the other hand, we all know that women never forget ANYTHING.
I’m just sayin…