If I Could Be…

I was tagged by the illustrious Roger.

I’m supposed to choose 5 and complete the sentence.
Then I have to tag 3 people!

If I could be a scientist . . .
If I could be a farmer . . .
If I could be a musician . . .
If I could be a doctor . . .
If I could be a painter . . .
If I could be a gardener . . .
If I could be a missionary . . .
If I could be a chef . . .
If I could be an architect . . .
If I could be a linguist . . .
If I could be a psychologist . . .
If I could be a librarian . . .
If I could be an athlete . . .
If I could be a lawyer . . .
If I could be an inn-keeper . . .
If I could be a professor . . .
If I could be a writer . . .
If I could be a llama-rider . . .
If I could be a bonnie pirate . . .
If I could be an astronaut . . .
If I could be a world famous blogger . . .
If I could be a justice on any one court in the world . . .
If I could be married to any current famous political figure . . .

So…

If I could be an astronaut, I’d go become a Russian citizen. They may have crappy budgets and have to leave people in orbit for years at a time, but at least they don’t kill their cosmonauts on a regular basis. Yes, I’d be a Russian if I were an astronaut.

If I could be an athlete, I wouldn’t worry about going to school… heck, I wouldn’t even worry about head injuries, because when you’re an athlete, things like your head aren’t important to your success. I’d spend all of my time pumping iron, and then when I blew my knees out in the first game of my first pro season, I’d complain the rest of my life about how I “could have been a contender” but instead I’m just a has-been moron with no useful skills.

If I could be married to Hillary Clinton, I’d make sure I had lots of interns around so that I wouldn’t have to actually do anything with her. Then I’d have her drugged and brainwashed, and turn her into a “sleeper” for the Republican party. After the 2008 election, when she wins on the platform of higher taxes and death to old, infirmed and babies, we’ll activate her Republican program and she will change the world.

If I could be a gardener, I’d replace all plants with plastic ones so I wouldn’t have to water them.. not that I water the ones I have now.. I’m just saying.

If I could be a professor I’d hire young college girls to do all of my work for me while I sit around in my office and run my website. I’d have TA’s do my lectures, and I’d steal other people’s work and have it published under my name. Then I’d get tenure and I could legally start slaying students without fear of retribution.

Thanks. Now it’s time for me to tag:

Warcrygirl, Jenna, and Rachel.

Incredipete

  14 comments for “If I Could Be…

  1. July 13, 2005 at 2:29 pm

    Woo HOOO! I’m in the middle of an “awesome” sandwich!!!!!!!!

  2. July 13, 2005 at 2:32 pm

    Does that make you the meat?

  3. July 13, 2005 at 2:32 pm

    Head ALWAYS counts! … and I think we owe Bill Clinton an apology for having to boink Monica. JFK got *Marilyn Monroe* for crissakes!

  4. July 13, 2005 at 2:37 pm

    Well I still get tickled about your take on athletes! You should have been born 50 years ago when all of the athletes were brick stupid and couldn’t read or write.

    Most of us today can form some sort of sentence even if it is run on and rambling!

  5. July 13, 2005 at 2:46 pm

    Reminds me of the hysterical song, “If I were gay” by Steven Lynch….

  6. July 13, 2005 at 3:04 pm

    Well, Nightmare, I do love to be inflammatory…

  7. Livieloo
    July 13, 2005 at 3:07 pm

    Hey Incredipete,
    I haven’t commented for awhile so I thought I’d say hello. You crack me up. I love you so much. You know, when I was little I don’t remember you being this cool. But I guess that’s because I was like six and you were like . . .I don’t know, 16. Anyway, I thought you were going to marry Hollyn did I ever tell you that? Hahaha. It was between you or Steven Dahms. It’s so weird the way I remember thinking these incredibly stupid things when I was little. Oh, well, I guess we can’t all be prodegies. Can’t wait to see you later this afternoon.
    Liv

  8. July 13, 2005 at 3:09 pm

    I remember all sorts of stupid things I thought when I was young, so have no fear… you are not alone. See you later!

  9. July 13, 2005 at 3:10 pm

    Bigpimp…

    “…but I’m not gay, so get your hand out of my pants!”

    Steven Lynch is one of the funniest men alive…

  10. July 13, 2005 at 3:41 pm

    Jenna, is it okay with you that your boyfriend tagged me? errr… didn’t know the two of you DID that sorta thing…

  11. July 13, 2005 at 3:42 pm

    Oops. I probably should have asked Jenna first, huh. Dangit.

  12. Rik
    July 13, 2005 at 4:59 pm

    I like the gardener one. Smartest thing you’ve ever said. That, and you’d have T&A if you were professor.

  13. July 13, 2005 at 9:18 pm

    I love it when I get tagged by Incredipete…

    Since we’re in a sandwich I get to be the top slice!

  14. July 14, 2005 at 7:58 am

    Incredipeter will have to learn at some point that with me, it is MUCH more wise to ask permission than forgiveness. lol 🙂

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