Today an old friend asked me a simple but very complex question… “How did I know that Nicole was the one?”
When I went home and told my friends I was certain I’d found “the one” after one date, they looked at me like I had three heads. They openly (and graphically) told me that I was simply “in lust” and was having a hormonal/pheromonal reaction to her. They were certain I couldn’t know… not that fast… and maybe not at all ever. After all “everyone who falls in love thinks they’ve found ‘the one'”.
First off, thanks for the votes of confidence, you jacklegs! Second, it wasn’t the first date I’d ever had. I realize I did not have very many serious relationships before Nicole. But I had lots of first dates, and even lots of second dates. I’d been in serious relationships enough to know what I thought they were. And I’d even been married briefly. So to say that I couldn’t tell the difference between psychotic lust and a real connection wasn’t giving me much benefit of the doubt.
I’d been “in lust” before. Every one of us has been at some point. Even those of you that never acted on it have met someone that made you WANT to act on it. You’re lying if you say otherwise. And certainly the chemistry I felt on that first date was fo’ real. And still is.
But that alone wasn’t enough for me to say “that’s it, I’ve found my soulmate.” Which is what I did.
How did I know she was “the one?” It was connection on every level. Emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical. It was something I doubt I could ever accurately describe to someone that hasn’t experienced it. I’d never felt it before. And now that I have, nothing less would ever suffice.
At the risk of sounding flippant (and by no means am I telling you to break up!!), I’d say if you’re in a relationship and you “just aren’t quite sure,” I can say with pretty high confidence that you are not soulmates. If you’re married, you can make it work even if you aren’t. If you’re not married and you’re dating someone you’re not sure about – why?! Are you just settling?
I’m not judging you if you are. I settled a few times before I found the one.
When you know, you know. If you don’t know, you ain’t found it yet.