So I recently asked readers to take a survey, and one of the questions I asked was for you to describe me in 5 words or less. Here are some selected responses:

  • Dumbest smart person I’ve known
  • Crunchy outside with a chewy center
  • Hoobastank
  • Gun crazy, Christian, Republican
  • Cute, naughty, conservative, sweet
  • Sarcastic, artistic, friend worth having
  • Smart,Honest,Personable,Dedicated
  • Intelligent, Controversial

It was fascinating to read the responses to the survey, and I’ll probably do more of those in the future. I also found that my reading audience is overwhelmingly female (74%) and liberal (68%). About 6% of my readers belong to a cult (mormon, scientologist, jehovah’s witness, hale bop, etc.). A slight majority of my readers claim to become affectionate and/or naked when they drink. (74% female, 68% liberal, and they like to be naked when they’re drunk… Kegger at Incredipete’s house!)

36% of readers have been reading here for more than 3 years, and 5% of readers have been reading since day one. 91% of readers check more than once a week, and 56% say I don’t update enough and I suck. 66% of readers were born in the first 6 months of the year, which I find odd. Most readers (85%) do not play a musical instrument, and of the 15% who do play, 43% told me not to tell anyone.

I also asked readers to describe themselves in 5 words or less. Here are some selected responses:

  • Confusing and impossible, but sunny*
  • A Pain in the Ass*
  • Independent to a fault
  • Foolishly Optimistic
  • Unbelievably, incredibly, amazingly, fantasticly humble
  • Loud, hyper, sloppy, smart, round
  • Sarcastic

*Don’t these two describe MOST women?

Not surprisingly, most readers sucked up and said this blog was their favorite blog, but a few people fessed up to the truth and listed Pork Tornado, Yeah I’m A Dork, and JuddHole as their favorites.

Now on to something that actually matters.

Rudy – my early prediction, smoked himself with his retarded strategy. He got slaughtered in Florida and he had put all of his eggs in that basket. Now we’re down to John McCain, a Republican who acts like a Democrat, and Mitt Romney, a liberal panderer who acts like a Republican. I’m thrilled. I’m still dreaming of a Huckabee win, but I’d say that’s a pipe dream at this point.

John (I made everyone’s healthcare more expensive by suing doctors and insurance companies, making myself rich in the process, and now I want to pretend to care about the little people) Edwards is also dropping out of the race, good riddens. I’d actually rather have Clinton over Edwards, since at least we can look forward to some elicit drama in the White House with Bill running around up there.

Obama is a wild card. I’m pretty sure I hate every single thing he stands for, but by darn, every time I hear him speak I want to hump his leg. He’s a heck of a charismatic, inspirational speaker. I’m not one of those people that thinks political experience is necessary or important to be president. In fact, the founding fathers didn’t exactly see “politician” as a career path. However, the limited history we DO have on Obama indicates he’s all about big government, higher taxes, punish businesses who make a profit, take money from the rich and give it to the poor, pro abortion, pro dismantling the military, anti gun, and pretty much an all-around communist. This is not much different from Clinton, who is a well-established, credentialed communist.

Then there’s McCain. I think he’s frankly lost his guts spending 20 years in politics. He tends to change positions with the tide and he leans farther left than any other Republican candidate… thus the rap that he’s the favorite Republican of Democrats. It’s true. In the primaries where Democrats are allowed to vote in the Republican primary, McCain has gotten a lot of help from the left. This should be a clue to the Republican base that he’s not actually a Republican. Duh.

Then there’s Mitt Romney, who was a fancy-pants Boston liberal communist who held all of the beliefs contrary to a conservative until he left MA. Now he’s suddenly pro life, pro gun (he’s a lifetime member of the NRA – since last year), pro smaller government (in MA he was all about bigger government) and anti illegal immigration.

So is it better to go with a known communist, a suspected communist, a communist who pretends to be a conservative, or a communist who calls himself a conservative but acts like a communist?

I hope the electronic voting booths include a button we can push to Kevorkian ourselves.

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  9 comments for “Hoobastank

  1. Meg
    January 30, 2008 at 2:51 pm

    And all of this is the reason I gave up on the idea of selecting a government official a long time ago. I get so confused. It’s not even a matter of being confused about the process, but about who stands for what and who hates who and why and why it matters for some odd reason who has blonde hair and blue eyes and who doesn’t.

    I don’t always agree with what everyone thinks, or does, and no one ever will. It would be nice to be able to get to the basics, agree, and move on.

  2. January 30, 2008 at 2:54 pm



  3. Dave
    January 30, 2008 at 4:44 pm

    Wow…one of the best posts in months…I’m literally laughing about that last ‘communist’ paragraph…

  4. January 30, 2008 at 11:42 pm

    Hahahahaha. This was a very funny post, Incredipete. And all those people that said any other blog but theirs was a favorite is a liar. Unless they said mine, in which case, they are obviously super classy and sophisticated.

  5. HRT
    February 1, 2008 at 11:17 am

    I believe in the ABC policy. Anybody But Clinton.

    And I completely agree with you Incredipete about Obama, intellectually I know that I disagree with 173.47% of his policies, but Gotdamn he manages to make it hard to hate him. I just hope Hillary keeps speaking because the more she talks the more I hate her. And there are only 3 people in the world that I truly hate and suprisingly 2 of them are named Clinton, go figure?

  6. K
    February 1, 2008 at 1:01 pm

    Loved Bill. (Not lovin’ the wife.)

    I guess I’m a freak in that I don’t mind paying higher taxes. I’m by no means wealthy, but I find the higher the taxes, the more things get done. Robin Hood away politicians, Robin Hood away!

    … Communism, pshaw! The gub’ment will NEVER take enough from the uber-wealthy to make the U.S. anywhere NEAR classless …

  7. February 1, 2008 at 1:11 pm

    Ahh, but even in communist countries there was always a rich ruling class – the kennedys, clintons, and bushs of their time. The reason I don’t like taking money from the rich and giving it to the poor is that I’m a believer in the American dream and I believe that someday I’ll be rich. If I choose to use my riches for good (which I’d like to believe I would), then it should be up to me, not to the government, to decide how and where I spend it.

  8. K
    February 1, 2008 at 2:31 pm

    Yes, but if it was up to the vast population of rich America, the poor would be left destitute. It’d just be the poor helping the poor-er. I believe in the American dream as well, but I also believe many people need to be nudged a bit more to take care of more than just their own business. I think it’s easier for the government to raise taxes than morals …

    But, it’s hard for me to argue fairly on this, since I don’t ever plan on being wealthy. But I can give willingly beyond the little they take from me automatically 😉 Maybe if we, as a people, step up and stop the ego-mania and self-saturation, we could help less fortunate pursue happiness like what some of us have already found … not to mention clean up our country and spiff up our educational system!

    Ugh. I could go on and on all damn day like this. So, I’ll leave it 😉

  9. February 1, 2008 at 3:38 pm

    LoL. I hear ya, to some extent. On the other hand, I pay roughly 33% of my income in taxes each year, and I don’t know that the government does enough for ME that I want to give them a third of my hard-earned paycheck. I mean, what are they using my paycheck for anyway? To build bombs to send to Iraq? As you know, I’m not a fan of the war, even though I am a conservative, and that’s not my money being well spent.

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