Here’s to Doctors, Grandmas, and Friends

Lately I’ve been spending a lot of time at the gym, because the doctor told me I had to. Actually, the doctor told me “I’ll kick your butt if you don’t start going to the gym.” I told her that next time I’d just say that I had been going. Her response; “I’ll know if you’re lying…”

To be honest, it freaked me out a little bit, so I took her advice and started going. I promptly pulled several muscles, none of which I realized I had. So thanks to my doctor, I’m now limping around like a 90 year old. How was I supposed to know I was supposed to stretch… she never said anything about that. As it turns out, stretching is usually recommended before vigorous workouts. Who knew!?

So I go to the gym and run on the treadmill overlooking the pool. It’s much more enjoyable to watch the pretty women swim laps than it is to watch soap operas with no sound, which is the other alternative. I would take a book, except I don’t know how to read. Heck, I can’t even read what I’m writing right this instant. Pretty hard to believe, I’m sure, but true nonetheless. I went to a discount school which taught us half of everything we needed to know.

It’s like learning how to speak Spanish, but not knowing how to read or write it. To be honest, I can read Spanish just fine, but I can’t write it. And, when it comes right down to it, I can’t understand what I’m reading, but I can sure sound it out. La mujer caliente me pidió mi número.

By the way, that’s not true. That’s never happened to me, much to my dismay. However, once I have pumped iron for several months and have replaced all of my gray matter with muscle fiber, I’m sure it will begin to happen. Except that even with muscles, I’ll still have a defective personality. But no one’s perfect… just remember that!

My grandmother is convinced that I am going to marry a girl she saw in a picture with me. She’s never met the girl, and I’ve never said anything about her, but we had our picture taken together, so the wedding is just around the corner. In my grandma’s world. The picture is from my graduation, and there are many more pictures in that stack, with all sorts of people that I went to school with. The picture with that girl happened to be on top, which I’m sure is some kind of sign. It had nothing to do with the fact that she was the first person I saw at the reception…

In a strange twist of fate, that very girl called me thurday night and said she really wants to go out. What are the odds of that?

Now that my future has been determined, I suppose I should tell her she has to marry me. We wouldn’t want to dissapoint grandma.

Or not.

Tonight I had dinner with friends, and it was nice just to hang out. I haven’t been out much lately, so it was really nice. Sometimes I forget how important it is to be around good people.

Here’s to our best friends, who know the worst about us but refuse to believe it.

Signing off,