Headlines

So, I’m happy to announce to you all that I am completely safe.

I haven’t eaten fresh spinach since… well, ever. E Coli would not help my already wrecked digestive system. However, whenever they announce something like tainted spinach, you always think to yourself… “did I accidentally eat something prepared in a kitchen where spinach had been?”

Of course, I’m sure I’ve eaten much worse.

In other news, here in Kansas in the past 24 hours, 2 infants have been abducted, apparently in completely seperate cases.

It raises several questions.

First, who in the hell FORGOT to keep an eye on the infant? These parents should be slapped silly. If you have a baby, keep your stupid doors locked when you’re not holding it. Dummies.

Second, if my infant WERE abducted, what would I do? (besides pray). I imagine it would include hunting down the psychotic woman (because it’s ALWAYS a woman) and shooting her numerous times.

Third, why is it always an ugly, dumpy woman who abducts an infant?

Oh wait… I kind of answered my own question there. Ugly, dumpy women aren’t too likely to acquire children in the normal fashion (although there’s no accounting for taste).

Last year an ugly, dumpy woman CUT the baby OUT of the MOTHER with a kitchen knife here in Kansas. The real mother died. So, what should we do to that woman for punishment? Well, I’ll tell you what we actually did… we put her in a nut hospital.

We should have executed her.

If we as a society continue to forgive crimes on the basis of being nuts, we are just asking for vigilante justice (the method I prefer).

Let’s hope those babies make it home.

  2 comments for “Headlines

  1. September 18, 2006 at 8:50 pm

    I have a big problem with the phrase “NOT GUILTY by reason of insanity”. It’s a bullshit defense in my opinion. Craziness does not negate guilt.

    Are these infants from divorced/separated parents? A lot of times it’s a jilted parent that’s taken the baby.

  2. September 19, 2006 at 11:35 am

    How about that mother that Nancy Grace goaded into killing herself? Or was she in Kansas as well? Either way these people should be treated like the pedophiles: take them out back and shoot them.

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