Hardball

Warning: Sexist post ahead

Remember the good old days when big sweaty bald men would go into a conference room and do a business deal? Back then, it could get ugly in there. Men have no problem making well-placed threats, screwing each other over whenever possible, etc. It’s all in the name of business. That’s why there are so many attorneys out there… men figured out the best way to pull one over on somebody was to have an attorney do the paperwork.

Those days are gone.

Now we have women in business. Before you accuse me of being sexist, let me make this clear. I am sexist when it comes to women in business. I’m not saying women shouldn’t be allowed to have all of the same business accolades as men, I’m just saying that having a woman run a department or a company makes life miserable for everyone around them.

That’s because women care about crap. They think it’s important that everyone feel good about everything. And when they don’t get their way, they use emotional blackmail and manipulation.

You may say I’m unfairly stereotyping, but I assure you, it’s well deserved.

Ask anybody you know… NONE of them want to work for a woman… not even the women.

Let me play these two sample business negotiation stories by you, both of which are true, and you decide what was better business:

Negotiation One

Man 1: We’ve decided to take work away from you and split it with another factory.
Man 2: That’s an excellent idea, except that it’s completely in violation of our contract and I will sue the bejeezus out of you.
Man 1: What contract?
Man 2: The contract that was signed 10 years ago between our companies that you never bothered to read.
Man 1: Let me see that! WTF?
Man 2: Here you go, read it and weep, bub.
Man 1: Dammit. You’re right, I can’t take work away. Son of a gun. How can you make me feel better about having all of the work in your factory?
Man 2: We’ll be happy to put in any safeguards you would like us to, assuming you pay for them.
Man 1: You’re screwing me, dude!
Man 2: I know.
Man 1: Ok, it’s a deal.

Negotiation Two

Woman: We need you to lower the prices of your products.
Man: Actually, our prices are in line with our contract, down to about 10 decimals.
Woman: But your price increase isn’t fair… the economy is down, it was like a slap in the face when I saw it.
Man: Actually, it’s completely fair because the price increase mechanism is built into the contract and occurs automatically each year.
Woman: If you don’t lower your prices, our purchase volume is going to go down.
Man: So you’re saying if I don’t lower my prices in violation of the contract you’re going to sell less of our product, a product on which you put a 400% markup?
Woman: This economy is really bad, and you’re just being rude.
Man: What about this is rude?
Woman: I’m really started to get angry now.
Man: What is your company willing to do to make it worth my while to lower my prices?
Woman: Nothing. Lower your prices or the volume’s going down.
Man: That doesn’t make sense, because we sell our product to you for $2,500 and you sell it for $10,000, and we do all the work…
Woman: You need to take some time to think about it. I’m too frustrated with you to talk anymore today.

As I said before, both stories are true stories. In both cases, one party wanted something, but the contract didn’t allow it. The man accepted his contractually obligated fate, and the woman tried to blackmail and emotionally manipulate the other party into giving her what she wanted.

I’ve observed this kind of boobish behavior (no pun intended) on a very regular basis.

So ladies, if you can’t keep your emotions in check during business conversations, why don’t you go ahead and stay home and cook.

End Sexist Post

  3 comments for “Hardball

  1. March 13, 2009 at 10:07 am

    That’s right, Incredipete – get those women out of the workplace and back in the kitchen WHERE THEY BELONG.

  2. March 13, 2009 at 10:09 am

    Amen, sister. Amen.

  3. March 13, 2009 at 1:08 pm

    Excellent post, and I couldn’t agree more that I prefer a male boss. In fact, I went over my female supervisor’s head this morning after several lengthy meetings with her where I had to explain things by baby steps even though I was providing back-up documentation. Today I barged in on her male boss (and managing partner of the law firm) and got my point across to him in under three minutes. Awaiting the outcome now … but, I would like to add that *I* play hardball in business probably as a result of working with attorneys for so many years. I’ll be the first to check the contract and offer up a lawsuit. 😀

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